D was scheduled to have cardiac surgery this week to fix the holes on his atria septum (diagnosed with ASD at 9 months old). We were all set to go to CHOP on Wednesday for the pre-op testing and then surgery was scheduled for Thursday. 2 weeks ago, he developed a cough right before we went on our vacation to Florida. The cough seemed to clear while we were away, and it seemed like all was well.

Last week, the cough came back. Friday night, he woke up in the middle of the night crying that he had a bad dream. He was crying, which made him cough, and then he coughed so hard he threw up and seemed to be having trouble catching his breath. I finally got him calmed down and he woke up Saturday morning still with the cough but in a good mood. Saturday night, before bed, he felt warm and I took his temperature - 101.8. Normally I can handle a cough and fever, and I'd just wait it out. But then after bath he was shaking uncontrollably and his lips and fingers were turning blue and he seemed like he was really struggling to breathe. I took him over to urgent care, where they did a chest x-ray. The doctor diagnosed him with pneumonia, but then Sunday they called and said the radiologist says it's not pneumonia but bronchitis. Either way, he's on 10 days of amoxicillin.

I called CHOP to let them know that he was sick and on antibiotics. They want to reschedule the surgery. In my head, I know it's the right thing. He had an absolutely horrible night last night - fever up to 103, coughing, difficulty breathing from the congestion. I know that going under anesthesia with that would be very dangerous, and I would never want to make this any more stressful on him than it is already going to be. But I'm completely overwhelmed and I just want this over. We've been waiting for this surgery since March. The week was finally here and I had prepared myself and was ready to go. I had spoken to the Child Life Specialist at CHOP and gotten some great information on how to talk to him about the surgery and we were starting to read books and talk about what would happen. I really felt like we were ready to face this. And now we have to go through it all over again.

I'm so over it. I'm 27 weeks pregnant. If we can't get back on the OR schedule later this month or in December, we have to put it off for another several months because I can't make the trip to CHOP as of the 2nd of January. I'm a stressed out emotional wreck.

I know it could be worse. So much worse. And I know it's the safest thing for him, to wait until he's healthy. But I'm just tired of all the waiting. I just want it done.

Thanks for listening, if you've made it this far....