I absolutely love this!
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I've read this before somewhere, but it's a great refresher to read it again!
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That's exactly how I was raised so I agree with a lot of what she says. I don't really agree with her thoughts on bullying though even though I understand where she's coming from.
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I've read it before and although I agree with some major points, others don't sit well with me (I haaate toy guns!)
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I wasn't particularly blown away by this article. While I suppose she makes a few worthwhile points, I really don't like the way she stereotypes the "nature of little boys".
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It really is a great refresher! I think that this is a really healthy attitude. I feel like hyper parenting, self sacrifice and hovering have somehow become the hallmark of good parenting when in fact I think it is the opposite and teaches our kids a lack of accountability and contributes to a society where everyone sees themselves as a victim of something or another.
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Yeah, her thoughts on bullying bother me a little bit. But I agree with the general sentiment.
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i'm unimpressed on many levels. the lack of understanding of today's bullying, glorification of violence, and gender stereotyping for starters. we can agree to disagree. i don't find her thoughts to be refreshing or unique, but she seems to feel strongly about her beliefs and that's okay, i feel pretty strongly about mine, too.
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I'm torn - but I do agree that teenagers today def have that "give me" mentality that drives me bonkers!!!!
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I agree that I'm not a big fan of modern parenting/coddling!
She kinda lost me with the details of her post though...
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@mrs. bird: @deerylou: <--- What you said.
@HLK208: I hate toy guns too. My husband is a police officer so there are several guns in our house - only because of his profession. C will never be allowed to 'play' guns or pretend to kill bad guys, because its not a playful or funny matter. Guns are serious business.
I can agree with her on a few points (helicopter parenting, parents raising entitled kids) but it came off kind of smug and judgy.
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@mrs. bird: word.
So many points I disagree with.
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@HLK208: @grizz: I will agree that I'm not a fan of toy guns in general either but they are an opportunity to teach gun safety. Just because a child wants to pretend something is a gun doesn't mean we can't make them behave with that as they would a real gun. Ex- Guns should never be pointed at people, but they could pretend to hunt stuffed animals or target practice. I think it is inevitable that kids will pretend things are guns so it is important to use that as a teaching moment.
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@Beyond2: I don't think it's inevitable that kids will pretend to play w/guns. DH and I are not fans of guns, and I wouldn't want my kids to "pretend play guns." My brothers played with things like light sabers and water guns, but no other toy guns and I don't recall them ever pretending to shoot a gun. Idk, maybe it's because we were taught that guns weren't things to play with...they just never had an interest in them.
Also, I think I would be a little disturbed if I saw my kid pretending to hunt stuffed animals... Again, maybe bc we just aren't into guns or hunting.
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@mrbee: I agree!
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Coddling and doing everything for your children, I agree, I'm not into. But I basically disagree with almost every single example she used and I don't wish more people felt this way.
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I don't think all parents these days are helicopter parents whose lives revolve around their children. I also roll my eyes at those parents, at the participation ribbons, at the crazies who do everything for their kids. But she's a bit all over the place and i don't really find her blog post to state anything new.
I was impressed that the boy knew there would be possible consequences by bringing a toy that may look like a gun.
Her simplification and ignorance of bullying really annoyed me. It's actually the adults who like to overuse the word bully, and the things kids go through now (especially with social media) is scary.
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She lost me at the bold text. I'm not pro-guns, my little girl's my world, and no that doesn't mean I coddle her. I couldn't finish reading the whole thing because I'm definitely not in the same camp.
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@pinkcupcake: I agree with you about the guns. DH is a hunter and has a license to carry a concealed weapon, so we are not anti-gun by any means. And we still think that pretend play with guns is not appropriate; in fact, it diminishes respect for guns.
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@Beyond2: my brother & i never pretended things were guns and that was before toy guns were shunned. i don't think it's inevitable that children will turn other things into toy guns. guns are for the purpose of causing death, why would that be something you'd want to play? i wouldn't give my kid a rope tied as a noose and say it's appropriate to pretend to hang people as an opportunity for them to practice killing bad guys or because i need to provide a toy one to teach them the dangers of hanging or strangulation (which may seem silly, but now they do have to teach kids about it because of the number of kids that die accidentally each year when intentional strangulation goes further than they anticipated). i find toy guns to be in very poor taste. perhaps if i lived somewhere that people went out and shot animals to feed their families i'd feel differently, but around me, cops and drug dealers have guns and maybe a few people that believe they can protect themselves from home invasions, but i've never seen any numbers that support that idea. i absolutely agree with you that teaching children about guns is important though.
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I agree with almost everything in the article. I think she paints with too wide a brush on bullying though. I do think that kids should be allowed to work things out amongst themselves if things are minor, and also that we should be teaching our kids to ignore assholes (sorry-- bullies.. whatever) rather than internalize their comments. But I do think that social media has taken bullying to a whole new level that can't be ignored.
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I generally refrain from reading those kinds of blog posts, they're usually true to a point but then they lose me on some broad comment and then I can't get to the end of the article.
On the toy gun issue, kids will make anything a gun, a branch, a banana, their hands, so it isn't so critical to me to limit access to toy guns as much as it is to explain what happens when people use guns and to always get a trusted adult if they feel uncomfortable.
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I have a feeling plenty of people feel the same way she does...as the only exemption to the huge generalizations of "parents these days."
I could stand behind "my kids are not the center of my world" if her argument was about her individual identity. But this had nothing to do with that. I found the whole thing disjointed and a bit off the mark. The solution to our societies response to violence is to ignore our children more? I can imagine what her response will be when her kids do get suspended for bullying other children.
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I'm not going to get into the details of her post but I absolutely, 100% agree that the super attached, helicopter parenting thing is extremely prevalent in this generations of parents and I find it detrimental to the children and society as a whole.
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My friends and I used to love dressing up in "army" type clothes and hiding out in the bushes with play guns. We turned out ok! I wouldn't dream of not allowing my LO's to play with guns.
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I was expecting this really off the wall blog post when I opened that link. However, what I read wasn't so off the wall at all.
I don't think she's wrong for how she believes and how she's raising her sons.
I can't really say as far as the 'toy guns' thing because I have three girls and no boys so this isn't really an issue in my house. I have told all of girls at one time or another (not the baby but the older two) that we don't pretend to kill people or hurt people and things along those lines.
I probably wouldn't be keen on toy gun play in my household.
But, as far as the bullying and things along that line, I kinda get what she's saying.
There is a line where teenage girls are going to be bitches (sorry if that bothers you) it's just life. I was 'bullied' in school. I didn't run to my mom or school and have someone suspended and all that exaggerated stuff. I'm not saying real bullying doesn't happen. Because it does and it's absolutely NOT acceptable. But, what I think she's trying to explain is that not everything that happens is bullying.
Her other points on her children not being the center of her world and her not coddling isn't something I think is wrong either.
I am more than a mother. I am a wife and a woman outside of those two titles. I would die for my children, but I will not drop everything every time my children think they need something. Having older LO's makes this easier to accept and to see her point of view I think.
All that aside, I don't think it's a bad blog post and I agreed with way more than I disagreed with. -
It makes me sad that if her sons ever DO bully someone, it sounds like she would excuse if and blame the kid for not being tough enough to take it. To me, that is coddling. You have to be willing to admit your kid can do wrong. That is the harder than letting your kid play on his own while you do dishes.
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I don't think spoiled children are anything new.
You know what part of modern parenting I don't like? Self important mommy bloggers who write "controversial" blog posts as though they're the first person to have thought about an issue and taken a side. Sorry if that makes me sound like a huge b.
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@illumina: we used to play like that too...but being a kid in the UK is far different than being in the US.
In the UK growing up, we only ever saw guns in the movies, or rifles in the country.Here in the US, 35% of households have at least one real gun. Teaching kids here that guns can be used for play can be very dangerous.
I'm not saying you're wrong! I'm just saying if we lived in the UK where there was little chance my child would ever access a real one, I would totally let them play cops and robbers and cowboys with guns like we used to.
Here in the US, I just don't think its wise. -
@googly-eyes: hahahaha, I agree!
Today's bullying has risen to new levels with the advent of social media. It is literally out of control in some aspects. Access to technology + lack of self-control + immaturity is a bad thing.
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@wheres_c: I forgot about that... The UK and US are pretty different. I did wonder why the blogger chose playing with guns as an example!
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I love this! All of this!
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@mrbee: i agree. i'm not sure how being bullied relates to being able to take workplace constructive criticism.
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@googly-eyes: ha! I love it!
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@googly-eyes: right!
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@googly-eyes: haha! seriously. there's some new fad blog post all over facebook every other week.
I'm not a huge fan of all her points. Esp the bullying..that hits very close to home and I just don't like it. Easy to say when you've never dealt with it.
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@sorrycharlie: very true! I was bullied myself and I teach upper elementary school. It's truly heartbreaking the way some children treat others.
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@googly-eyes: ding ding! I agree with you!
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@jedeve: Exactly.
@googly-eyes: nail, meet head.
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@googly-eyes: Preach it!
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44 comments