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I don't know how much I could have really changed it (because I lost my job at 41 weeks pregnant and I have now been looking for a looooong time with no luck) but I think in an ideal world I would've gone back to work and put LO in daycare. Part of me is really grateful that I've had the last 1.5 years home with her. But I think DH and I would've been less miserable if I was working. Also I worry that when she DOES go now she'll be like, totally traumatized to go from being with me 24/7 to having me suddenly gone all day ever day. And SAH forever is not an option.

If I could go back in time I wouldn't have had a baby until I could guarantee staying home from the beginning or having a family member watch her for the first year. Daycare is just not for me.

It's so hard to know because I wouldn't know then what I know now. I wish I had found our current lady back when J was a year old and we started him in daycare. I had no way of knowing that the other options just wouldn't work out.
Or maybe what I should have done is look for the job I'm currently in now, where I work full weekend days, and DH works during the week (I do this because I have school full time during the week, but this schedule would have enabled me to be with LO during the week). We have just had sooo many issues with childcare so I wish I just hadn't needed it early on He's doing great now, but that's after two+ years of switching childcare three times and adjusting over and over again.

I wish I would have done what I really felt pulled to do, which was stay home with her.

Having said that, we had a pretty good set-up. I loved our daycare and she only went 2 days per week and was with my mom the other days which was awesome. I didn't work full-time so I still had more time with her than most. We just had a lot of struggles that were really no fault of our caregivers. I think it would have been best for both of us for me to SAH. I do now and while nothing is perfect, in my gut I really feel like it's the right thing.

Nothing. It's been a total blessing having my mom watch my babies until they are 2 and then they start daycare/preschool.

I honestly wouldn't change a thing, other than maybe staying home another month. I was on maternity leave for 10 weeks, my mom watched DD my first week back, my MIL watched her my 2nd week back and DD went to daycare at 13 wks old. We use an in home daycare provider and DD was the youngest until she was over 1 yr old. We love our daycare lady and DD loves it there!

The only thing I would have done differently is to have pulled my son out of the program he was in the day we got the notice letter that they were closing at the end of June. I would have pulled him out in March.

Honestly, nothing. If I lived in a different country, I'd have loved to take 6 months maternity leave instead of 4, but putting LO in daycare full-time at that age was not as traumatic as I was expecting. It ended up being good for her and I was much happier back at work.

I love our in home daycare provider, however there are some things that I'm not in love with that she does, however because of the personal friendship I had with her prior to sending DD1 I feel like it's tougher to address issues, she's very sensitive to confrontation (and I loathe it.) So I let more slide than I would if she were with someone else or at a center. However both of my girls are thriving so I can't complain too much!

I would have put the kids in daycare sooner. They went in at 22 months and 16 months.

@Mae: I worry about this too. I know I'd like them to go to preschool (probably when they are 3?) but how the heck can I just drop them off at some strange place when they've spent every moment of their lives with me up till that point? At least my LOs will go with each other, but I don't know if that will really make a difference. At 2 I can enroll them in some activities at the park district, so I'm hoping to ease them into being away from me like that??

To answer the original question, I wish I'd found some way to let others try putting them down for naps or nighttime so they aren't so reliant on me for these things. It's my own fault, though, because I've never trusted anyone else to try it and I can't handle the thought of my LOs being at home in any degree of discomfort while I'm out doing something else. I'm going to a baby shower this weekend, though, so DH is going to try getting them down for their afternoon nap. I know he will do fine, but I'm also nervous for all 3 of them.

I needed to experience being a SAHM to determine it wasn't for me, so I'm glad it happened the way it did. But knowing what I know now, this would have been my ideal plan for both kids:

0-8 weeks: Maternity leave
2 months - walking (for my kids, between 14-15 months): home with either a nanny or grandma
Then full time daycare

We've been pretty lucky. Though I went back to work at 7 weeks, DH was home with J until he was laid off from his WAH job just after J's first birthday. He was in a home daycare with a very good and trusted friend of ours and when he turned 2.9 we put him in preschool that was excellent care-wise and very affordable.
I think it's going to be more challenging when he's in school and we have to figure out after-school programs and schedules.

@mediagirl: nothing! waited til lo was 1.5yo so I never sweated sids and honestly her provider was someone dh went to high school with so I felt comfortable that she was a family friend. will most likely do the same with #2 if he's ever in any kind of daycare setting.

Probably gotten a nanny instead of daycare.

I would have taken a longer leave (I had 14 weeks, in a dream world I would have taken 5-6 months off) also would have like to limit the amount of hours per day in daycare. Drop off at 8-8:30 pick up at 3:30-4.

Since the daycare is near my office (45 min from home) I often wonder how my LO would do if we had a 2nd child at this point. I'd either need to keep her home with me and baby 2.0 or find another school to keep her active.

We would have started daycare sooner. She was 20 months old when she started. I should have enrolled her in at 1 year.

We wasted a bunch of money trying out different nannies so I would not bother with that again. We prefer daycare/school.

We started her at a small, in home daycare when she was 16 months. She will start preschool at 3.5. I wish I'd stayed at home full time until she was two, but a job opportunity came along.

I'd change nothing. We have a year of parental leave here and I've started working PT (16h a week) with both kids at 3 months/4 months respectively (after maternity leave plus vacation days) while WAH or being in the office for 1 day a week (whatever was necessary). Then they go to daycare starting at around 9.5 months. This gives us enough time to really ease into the daycare setting.