Hellobee Boards

@mrscobee: I'm sorry!
My DH is like this - honest to a fault. He's very fit and never has a problem with weight, and I'm.. female. I get bloated, feel out of shape, gain weight easily, etc., but I carried, birthed and nursed a baby. Instead of agreeing that I look out of shape or suggesting I work out more, a "oh honey, you look beautiful" would go a LONG way, lol

A little non-pregnancy hormones perspective for you...I don't think he was agreeing with your criticism. I think he probably meant to say it just is what it is and natural, so don't worry about it kind of thing! My husband would never be like yeah you look like dirt, but I could definitely see him saying something like your husband instead of lying And saying no way you look totally like your normal self and great!

Eta - I also think he answered in the only way he could "win". If he agreed, you'd be understandably upset. If he said no you look awesome, you'd probably come back with more no I don't ugh I look awful, thus further perpetuating the conversation he didn't want to have. So, saying what he did was a way to not make you feel bad intentionally and cut the conversation off.

@catomd00: Agreed. Kind of like with the stretchmarks on my belly...I was telling DH I wasn't thrilled about them and he was just like "it is what it is, they don't bother me at all" which is totally true.

@mrscobee: Pregnancy hormones are legit. I found that staying active (I like long walks with the dogs) helped me to feel better about myself. Now, at 37 weeks, I take them on a short waddle.

He only agrees if I'm criticizing myself about something that bugs him, like how messy I can be. If it was a body-related comment he would disagree...or possibly roll his eyes, depending on the complaint/frequency.

I would joke that I was a beached whale when I was in my third trimester. My husband unfortunately thought that was funny / accurate and started describing me as such as well. I normally am very confident in my body image so I don't think he considered I might not be while over thirty weeks pregnant.

@Anagram: he's an idiot. I told DH I only gained one pound this month after gaining six last month (I am only 13 weeks) and he goes, oh weird, you definitely look bigger.
I know I do, thanks for mentioning it.

During pregnancy he has been very supportive and tells me I'm creating a life and that I should not worry about these changes or that I'm crazy because he can't see what it is I'm analyzing.

Before pregnancy he would give me a solution. He is a fixer and knows way too much about the human body and how it reacts to food, working out, etc. So if I said "man, my arms are flabby and nothing I do seems to help" he gives me a solution. Sometimes it's hard to hear but it's the truth. He does compliment me daily and makes me feel good about myself

@rachiecakes: My husband is exactly the same. He's in great shape and has a fantastic metabolism, so he's never had an issue with his weight, and I'm the exact opposite. If I complain about my looks, he'll just be honest about it. But half the time, I'm fending off his advances, so his honest opinion doesn't bother me because I know he still finds me sexy and attractive, even if I'm plumper than I used to be!

@Adira: sadly, I think DH would much prefer if I were my teeny 100lb former self I can pretty much guarantee that's never gonna happen

My husband is generally supportive and compassionate in those kind of conversations, though I try not to say depreciating things. Two funny examples:

Me, watching at a TV awards with all these gorgeous actresses: Ugh, they are so skinny. I will never be that skinny.
DH, immediately: It's because they're like a foot taller than you and naturally burn more calories.

Other time, not about looks:

Me: So today at work during the awards ceremony I got an award for sensitivity and higher awareness. What kind of crap is that?
DH, laughing: Do they know you? You've got the thickest emotional armor I've ever seen.

Now, some people think that last comment is mean, but it's not at all! Recognizing that he is very sensitive and that I'm not has been vital to conflict resolution in our relationship.