Is there anything that you would have done differently? Any advice you can pass long to those of us that are struggling?
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Don't wait too long to see an RE! I waited until 1.5 years in to start testing with my OB and at 2 years I finally made an appointment with the RE. I wasted a lot of time by not seeing a dr earlier!
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I think diet and b complex helped my cycles (and obviously prenatal a)
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Find a doctor who will listen to your concerns. Try (I know how tough it is) to live in the present and not wish away your cycles (so hard!!).
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I agree with @twodoghouse! I wish I had gone to an RE sooner and been more aggressive about getting help.
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@twodoghouse: @mrsbookworm: totally agree! I think more people should take their fertility journeys into their own hands.
I'm so glad that I took my fertility journey into my own hands and left my former OBGYN. They wanted to put me on Clomid and do an IUI cycle. I asked what happened if I ovulated on a weekend and they said they just couldn't help me that cycle then. Um, no. Clomid is not to be messed with - I immediately decided I was going to an RE.
I would not have done anything differently because I wouldn't have my beautiful R if I had.
Good luck!
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You're pretty familiar with my journey already. I got my bfp after a consult with my RE and getting ready to do testing in preparation for an IUI. I have no idea what caused me to get pregnant the month I did or what was different from other months. Mentally it was the month that I had absolutely given up and come to terms that things would probably not happen naturally for us. DH was on board with going to the RE, but after we got pregnant without interventions thinks that perhaps I was rushing into things. I don't regret the decision to go to the RE at all and would make the same decision again. I love my gyn, but could tell that fertility was not her forte.
TTC is really hard. I had some very difficult, sad, lonely months. I know that you will get your bfp and when you do it will be the most wonderful day. Thinking of you and good luck!
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The first cycle we tried preseed, I finally got pregnant. I was also using progesterone because I was having issues with my luteal phase. It took me awhile to find an OB who listened to my symptoms with my LP, and I really think the progesterone helped.
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We were a bit different in that I suspected I'd have problems so saw a fertility specialist before TTC, which confirmed problems. Because of that I sought treatment before we were ready to TTC and by the time we tried, it wasn't difficult. So I guess my advice would be to not wait too long to see a specialist.
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The only thing I would've done differently was going to a doctor sooner. My OB said 6 months, and we waited 8 I think. But I'm happy that I went the natural route first, which proved I can get pregnant. Otherwise, I'm pretty confident we would've been told to do IVF eventually.
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@babycanuck: this is a great question!
It's amazing how long a week can seem when you are ttc.
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I agree with PPs that there is no reason to wait too see a doctor if you feel that something isn't right.
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Agreeing with everyone who says to find a doctor who will be as aggressive/not aggressive as you want to be. I got right on the assisted fertility bandwagon when I had the option of just waiting it out. I'm glad I did, and now I have a 2 year old.
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I haven't had a successful pregnancy yet, but I'd say always get a 2'nd opinion (or 3rd!!) I was going to a fertility clinic for that last year, and on a whim decided to meet with a regular OBGYN who was suggested by a client/friend of mine. He ended up finding things (polyps) that were never found by the RE I was seeing!
ETA: Hopefully it will make a difference
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Ah, ha! I remembered what I was trying to say last night...you are your own advocate. You need to know your own history, your SO's history, etc. Take detailed notes at every appointment. No one is going to manage your journey like you will.
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@swedishfish: Yes this is a big one. After our second loss I did a lot of research about next steps and really had an open discussion with my OBGYN about what I wanted to do. Luckily he agreed and we made a detailed plan about what we would do and when we would follow up again if the plan wasn't working.
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I would have stop obsessing and caring so much. I had an "eff this!" attitude in December and promised myself that I was taking a break for a few months if that cycle didn't work. My RE always told me to lower the amount of stress in my life, but I never realized how much TTC was affecting me until I simply stopped caring... And then I got pregnant.
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Thank you @babycanuck: for starting this and to everyone who has commented. Sometimes when you are in the thick of things it is hard to tell if things are normal and you should wait it out or if your gut is right and you should get some help. I made an appointment with my doctor for after this cycle (5) ends and I sort of felt like I am pushing the envelope but I have some concerns and I don't want to wait around only to find out there could have been a simple fix.
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I would have not obsessed as much as I did and been better about enjoying all the things I couldn't do while pregnant or now having my babies (like fun girls night out, or snowboarding trips, etc). I spent so so much time worrying and obsessing, I really regret it. And I have to say, in the almost-years that I've spent going from TTC to pregnant to now babies, I think most women do end up getting there, it just takes longer and maybe needs more interventions than some. I wish is been more confident that it would eventually happen for me.
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: I think I've done a pretty good job of changing my attitude. For me all of my stress went away when my MIL moved out in November. Hubs and I are like honeymooners and just enjoying things. I've been going out, enjoying a drink, not holding myself back at all. I don't know how to stop my subconscious mind from going bananas if I don't know it. With my wonky cycles starting off the year I'm definitely thinking of throwing the opks and vitamins into a drawer and not thinking about anything anymore.
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@babycanuck: for me, declaring that i didn't care (and meaning it!) made me realize how much it was stressing me out. I took clomid last cycle and had monitoring. If I didn't O on my own I knew I could trigger, but even that stressed me out. I was so sick of spending so much money on drugs that weren't getting me pregnant, or driving 2 hours to my REs office. I would tell myself not to stress, but the negative OPKs made me so upset. I should have had a + OPK on Saturday but didn't, and went in for monitoring on Sunday but hadn't surged yet. I came home in tears and told my husband this is it, I'm DONE. I went back in for monitoring Monday morning & had surged overnight.. I still had a "don't care" attitude for the next two weeks. Even though we timed everything perfectly the last three months, I just couldn't figure out what was going wrong.
The only thing we did differently in December was me stop caring, especially during the TWW. And then I got pregnant.
For me it was definitely subconscious. I was pretty positive the first two months and even hopeful.
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: Thanks for this!
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@Cole: I'm doing the same. Some people would say that is too early to see a doctor, but I'd rather know sooner rather than later if I need medical intervention.
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: Intersting... my OB keeps telling me the same thing. But it's so hard to "relax". He even told me to stop using OPKs because he thinks they add to the stress level.
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@littlek: my RE told me to relax and I was like "ohhh okay..." because that's so easy when you're TTC & dealing with insurance and finances. It's not like fertility drugs are cheap!
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Taking better care of myself sooner. Once I started eating better and working out most days I lost several pounds that my doc was convinced was holding me back.
With the first pregnancy, we had a cruise coming up, so I was working harder for that swim suit. My work situation also changed considerably, becoming far less stressful. For the second time, we joined a gym and had daycare available there, so I took it as me time and enjoyed working out by myself.
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I think you know my story already (quick BFPs, then two early losses), but there is one thing that I will add: the year before we actively started TTC, I got serious about getting healthy, and I lost 40 pounds. During that year, and the year before, actually, I was actively charting my cycles and was on Metformin to try to help with irregularity and elevated A1C to deal with mild PCOS and chronic right pelvic pain. We actually suspected for a while that I have/had endo, and we were considering surgery if TTC took a long time (my mom had it, and it took them 3 years to get pregnant the first time).
Ultimately, I am pretty sure it was the HSG that helped me to have this sticky baby. But I will say, I cannot imagine having gone through the last year without all of the things I did to get ready for it. We had enough trouble as it was trying to stay pregnant, and this pregnancy has not been easy. I am confident that it would have taken us much longer, and this pregnancy been much, much more difficult to boot, without first really knowing my body's "normal" and getting rid of so much of the weight. The two years we spent getting me healthy and preparing us financially to TTC were so hard, and so painful-all I wanted was a baby, and I cried a lot. They were so worth it, though, and I know that they helped us to grow our family in the end.
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I also agree 100% with @swedishfish: you have to be your own advocate! I've been to at least 4 doctors in 3 states during the last few years because of moves, and many of them brushed me off when I would complain of pain or irregular cycles. I actually had an endocrinologist basically say that there was no way I could have PCOS, only to have my diagnosis confirmed with blood work. Don't give up! Find someone who clicks with you. I finally found one in my current doctor, and it has made all the world of difference!
And don't give up hope-your time WILL come, and we will all be so excited for you when it does!
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Okay, I've scoured the forum acronym list and I can't figure out what KU is? What does it mean??
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@littlek: who knows if it made a diff, but I got pregnant the cycle I dropped the OPKs, they were definitely stressing me out and I was putting a lot of pressure on myself - must get pregnant as soon as possible after m/c!
Eta: haha didn't realize this was 3 weeks old
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@MrsHansen82: knocked up
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@runnerd: that's how I'm feeling now (get pregnant ASAP after MC). Any tips for calming down?
It's so hard to not stress about TTC.
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Don't be afraid to take charge of your medical situation! You don't have to accept everything a doctor tells you just because "he/she must be the expert". Become the expert on your history and numbers, because no one cares about you more than yourself.
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I would have listened more to my husband and that little voice inside my head that was saying "something is not right." I was in a lot of pain and had wonky cycles, but I refused to think those things were related to my troubles TTC. Even my doctor was pushing for more intervention, but I was stubborn. In the end, we would not have been able to get pregnant without intervention (both of my tubes were blocked by endometriosis). I just wish I had sought intervention sooner.
Things that are so important: utilize this community, build relaxation into your life as much as possible (for me, this meant yoga, not temping, and taking lots of weekends away), enjoy things like wine and sushi and sleep.
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@Crystal: I'm sorry I'm no help! Honestly the only thing that calmed me was getting pregnant again. It took 3 months to get my period back, and then 4 more months TTC and I was absolute mess most of that time. If I could do things differently, I would have put more effort on focusing on myself and my health, and having fun, and daily affirmations that this will happen sooner than later/every month TTC isn't a high stakes game.
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Argh I used to haaaate seeing when people write to me "relax and it will happen" but it seems there was a little truth in this for me. I did not relax, but we stopped charting, checking cm, everything. And just BD every other day starting with the day AF ended, right through to the day I tested (2 days before AF due) and that month we got our BFP. Nothing else was different.
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