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Giving them a sibling isn't a good reason. It sounds like you guys have your mind made up that you really don't want to do it... so that, on top of all the other things you listed, will make the first year REALLY hard.

I see some families that are SO close with their siblings, and I always wanted that, but my siblings and I are not really that close. I am much closer to friends than my siblings, and your LO will make plenty of friends growing up

@BabyBoecksMom: Same here. We completely disregarded the sibling argument. Yeah, there are decent odds the siblings might be close, but I have 6 and am only really close to 1 of them. 3 of them I am completely estranged from. Sibling doesn't guarantee life-long friend. I think it's good to have someone who knows where you come from when your parents aren't around anymore, but I wouldn't use it as a reason to have another.

A sibling isn't a reason to have another in my book. I have two siblings and I love them dearly, but we are not super close. Never have been. In times when I need some one to talk to/support, girlfriends, my Mom, and DH are first on the list.

I think too many people think they need to have another so they do. There is nothing wrong with only having one child.

If your family feels complete then that is your answer. If it doesn't, then you know that you want another.

I definitely don't think it's enough of a reason. And having a second child isn't a guarantee of a good sibling relationship, anyway. My husband and his younger brother have always been at odds, and now as adults they are completely estranged - it's a very contentious relationship.

I'm likely one and done, too. I think it's a great choice with lots of benefits for your family!

I think that giving your kid can be a valid reason but you have to really want to do that! If you're indifferent on the matter of a sibling, I don't think that will be a strong enough pull to get you and DH on board and be happy about it.

I think it is a valid reason but it shouldn't be your only reason.

I have wrestled with this same thing because for the first 18 months or so of LO's life, I felt like I didn't want another and the only reason we would try for #2 would be to have a sibling for LO.

Then, in the past few months, for whatever reason, I have kind of just started feeling like I want another baby. It's not as scary anymore and I am starting to have those baby fever daydreams again. Sure, some of them have to do with LO being a sibling - just like my first baby fever daydreams were about us being parents! But the feeling has changed from almost a feeling of obligation to a genuine desire.

I would wait until you have that feeling. You might just not be ready! Good luck.

@Aimed121: A sibling is a reason and it was a big one for me. We are older parents (I was 37 and 40 at their births), we live 10+ hours for 95% of our family, the cousins are all at least 7 years older than our older child, and we are dealing with end of life decisions with our parents. All of that factored into why I felt a sibling was important for our child. My DH was also in the 2+ camp and I was in the 1 and maybe 2 camp from the onset.

The first year is hard (I'm still in those trenches with a 9 month old) and expensive (daycare for 2, yo!). But long-term I still think 2 was right for us.

I think a sibling IS a good reason, just not the only reason.

Our big thing was thinking about the big picture, not just the newborn/toddler phase, but having children later in life as we and the kids are getting older and the pros and cons of that....it was easy for us to focus on right now, but when we talked long term, we imagined more than 1.

@Aimed121: Not sure if this line of thought will be helpful or not, but what were your plans prior to having your first LO? Did you always want one? Two?

@Aimed121: We just trudge through is really the only answer. It's getting easier each month. Honestly, think long term. In ten years what do you want your holiday to feel like. Who is at the table? When you are an empty nester, what do you hope for your family?

I'm not exactly close with my siblings (I have two). One doesn't speak to any of my family and the other I tolerate because she loves my kids. As we know we will be dealing with end of life decisions in my family near'ish, I'm thankful I have a sibling that I tolerate as I can't imagine going through that journey alone. We might fight and disagree, but I'm thankful she's there.

I'm not trying to tell you that you need another child. I'm just sharing some of the thing that played into it for us. This parenting of two gig isn't easy but I'm glad I have the kids I do. Even when they make me crazy!

@Aimed121: oh my gosh, I could have written your first few paragraphs word-for-word except that my DD is only 21 months. We're still on the fence about whether to have another -- me more so than DH, but neither of us have ruled it out. I think the thing keeping me from saying we're one and done is that when I think about our family way down the road, I always see us with two kids. I don't necessarily want another right now, I have no desire to relive the baby days and having a toddler is so much work, but I'm not sure that these couple years are enough to outweigh all the other years that will follow. I would never have another kid just to give DD a sibling, though, since my brother and I are not close and live entirely separate lives for the most part (we don't dislike each other, just have nothing in common). If my parents had had him just for my sake (they didn't), I'd say it was an epic fail...so I think it could be part of the calculus of whether to have another, but not a stand-alone reason.

Providing a sibling wasn't our only reason for having a 2nd, but it was a major factor in our Pros column. We really wanted our son to have a playmate, someone to share the burden of us getting older, and a person he can likely depend on as he grows older (and visa versa!).
Having two seems daunting now (sleep! money! scheduling! ack!), but I talk myself down by remembering this is a *short* window of my life. My parents once had 3 young kids and they made it to the other side - so can I! Plus, when we considered our life/family in 10-15 years, it always included another child. If you can look beyond the madness of raising two littles, what do you envision for your family?

@Aimed121: to give a sibling is the only reason why we have considered having more than one. Sure then you have double the love but you have double the cost and stress and all that crud that happens in the first 2 years, too. It's so hard to make the decision, especially when you're going to be considered AMA if you have another (eh hem...I understand). There is no right answer other than the one you can answer. Every month that passes here I am both sad and happy. I don't ever want to be pregnant again but at the same time, I would love to duplicate my child. <-- I know that is not possible even with another kid.

So, short answer - no idea. But I feel your pain because I'm in the same boat. Our lo is 3.

So I am one of 5 children and am extremely close to all of my siblings, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

There is actually only one person close to me who is an only child. My very best friend growing up, from about age 11 through college, was an only child. Although she loved reaping the benefits like larger budget for clothes and shoes and lavish vacations, she always told me how sad it made her that she didn't have a sibling, and she would try and spend as much time as possible with my loud family with lots of kids. Since both of her parents worked, she absolutely LOATHED the lonely afternoons after school while she waited for her parents to come home.

Now that she is an adult, she says being an only weighs especially hard on her, when she thinks of the task of caring for her parents when they are ill, or finding care for them when they are not able to live alone. She said the thought of dealing with funerals, or a parent getting diagnosed with cancer, etc, all by herself with no sibling help makes her sad. On top of that, whenever there are family issues, she has always said she wishes she had someone to talk through things with rather than being the only one and feeling caught in the middle.

I am sure someone who actually is an older child can weigh in on this, but since she is someone who is so close to me, her experience has always been on my mind when it comes to determining how many kids we will have. Same goes for my own experience with a large family. Sure, our budget was tighter, but we were never alone, always had someone to laugh with, cry with, sneak out with, etc.

Also, I totally get that the first 2 years are hard. Exhausting, chaotic, and full of so many emotions and trials and even stress on your marriage. However, I strongly believe that it is just 2 years. 2 years out of LIFETIME! I always think to myself -- will I even remember these hard times when I'm gathered around the table at Christmas with my 3 children, their spouses, and their children (my grandchildren)? No way. Another child means so much more love--another son or daughter in law, more grandchildren, more family to come and visit. The baby years are just a fart in the wind!

We decided to be one and done when I was pregnant with this LO. We have a lot of reasons, but it really comes down to that we don't have any strong desire for another. I actually love the newborn phase (though I have a great sleeper, so if that changes my opinion might too), but even though I'm sad that it's going so quickly, I still feel very certain of our choice. Wanting to give her a sibling was a big deal, and the main thing that held me back on sticking with one for a long time. But I wound up deciding that if that was the only reason, it wasn't enough. There are no guarantees that they'd even be close anyway.

I wrote a rather long blog post going into all of my thoughts on all this, and can wall you the link if you're interested. Some aspects are specific to us (took 4 pregnancies to get one healthy, living child), but a lot is more general.

I don't think it's a good enough reason to do it, but having said that, my heart is so full of joy from seeing my 2 girls laugh and play together. I'm so, SO very glad they have each other, and that I have them both. But, they are only 22 months apart and I suffered extreme PPD after the second one was born, and that's no joke. Having 2 was really hard for me at first. Don't do it, unless you're sure *you* want another baby.

I agree with others that it can't be the only reason, but being a factor is a very real reason for a lot of people's family plan decisions.

Dh is an only child and always longed for a sibling even though he grew up with everything he could possibly want (trips, college paid for, etc), he said he always wished for a sibling even if they didn't end up being close, he said it would've been nice in younger years to have a playmate and now as his parents age another adult to share the burden of long term care, etc.

I have a younger brother who I am very close to and have always wanted at least two kids. While I don't think it's a guarantee that siblings will be close, I don't think it's a guarantee that they won't be! In our family, extended family, and close circle of friends... Most everyone (except mil) is very close to their sibling(s) as well as a close knit relationship w friends (which I think can be family as well!)

We are a two, maybe three family. Just had our second Ds last month and will take some time to decide on the maybe third!

I think a child can have the best life ever as an only- I think parents, PARENTS, affect children most, more than a sibling (or lack thereof), more than anyone. I spend all of my time with my daughter, and DH does the same when he isn't working. If you have people in your life you connect to, be it a parent, a friend, an aunt, or a sibling, that's what matters, though I still maintain that parents affect children most (and parents affect sibling relationships). You can have parents that ignore you or engage, same with siblings, and in my experience, my siblings were loyal to my parents (closer to them than to me). It wasn't like the movies where siblings had one another's backs. DH had a similar experience.

Moving on from that- maybe ask yourself what having "a sibling" actually means or translates into, then weigh the pros and cons of that. Does it mean twice as much to do? Does it mean you get a break while they play? Does it mean a hopeful best friend?