Hellobee Boards

I would only get divorced if there was abuse or cheating involved. If there was unhappiness, I would try to figure out what is causing it via counseling, mediation, etc. We were happy and so in love that we got married and had babies together, so what changed/happened?

I saw how an unhappy, lovely marriage broke my mother's spirit and added much unneeded stress so divorce was best in her case. Divorce is always an option because life is too unpredictable and short.

I only have one life to live. If i was unhappy (and counseling didn't work), I'd get a divorce. No counseling needed for abuse or cheating. I'd be out the door.

I voted "til death do us part" because I know that DH is not abusive and I know he wouldn't cheat. His ex-wife (marriage was annulled so we could marry in the Catholic Church) cheated on him. I know he cannot tolerate it and would never do it. So, he is stuck with me until the end.

I never thought of divorce as an option before the big blowout with my MIL. I was so incredibly unhappy in that situation that I just wanted to leave my own home with my baby to feel safe and loved again. My threat of leaving my husband woke him up to how bad things were during that time. Part of me regrets even threatening it, but at other times not, because we needed to grow in our marriage. Having outside pressure wasn't the best way for it to happen, but it did.

Since we've been in counseling, we're stronger as a married couple. Slowly over time, it's reaffirmed my commitment to my marriage and our family. It also showed me what I don't want in our marriage, that is negative outside forces who want to break us up.

If things got as bad as they did before, I would definitely see divorce as an option. It was the lowest of the low in our marriage, something I didn't think that we were capable. of. It was an unhealthy situation created and made worse by an unhealthy person.

I'm divorced...remarried, also. I was very unhappy in my first marriage, and so was my ex. I thought having ds would bring us closer, but it made a wedge. I thought all the time about just taking ds and running away. Then, he DID cheat on me, and I took ds and really did leave. There were many many other factors, like his habitual lying (about even stupid little stuff) and his immaturity...all of it added together a lot of misery for me. In that marriage, I thought divorce wasn't an option, due to my upbringing and religion. But, when I thought about til death do us part I was sick. So, I left. And, I survived...so did ds.

Now, with current dh, I can't imagine ever being apart from him. It's like night and day. There's nothing making me feel like I need to run...nothing that makes me feel ignored or unimportant to someone. I also feel completely in my heart that I can trust dh with my heart. I don't feel like it's an option, cause I don't feel like it would ever come to that again.

@katiew92081: what an amazing, sweet story

Only after giving it everything I've got. I won't live my life unhappilly, but I will also do everything I can to make it work. It takes two to make a marriage work.

I've hit the stage where I've seen friends who have been married 5+ years start to divorce. If they are unhappy, they are unhappy. These aren't people who just gave up. These are people who have tried, done everything, and have simply realized it wasn't meant to be. No sense in being miserable for the rest of your life.

@.twist.: Yep,.and I think the willingness and thoughtfulness to let go when your partner is miserable and absolutely wants out is a demonstration of love.

DH's parents were married for 30+ years and ended up with a divorce. Fil cheated a lot and mil just says she wasn't the right kind of wife for him.

@katiew92081: great story! DH says the same about our marriage and his first. You can't even compare. It's night and day difference.

I can't imagine life without my husband TBH. I just don't see him cheating or being abusive, but if he was abducted by aliens and ended up doing either of those things, I would leave.

Yes. Due to unhappiness for sure. My husband would never abuse me or cheat so I am not worried about that. But I am always open to therapy and working through things and divorce would be the last option of course. Luckily my husband has proved to be very easy going and putty in my hands...

Cheating or abuse only (including emotional or verbal abuse). My parents lived in a very unhappy marriage for ten years before they divorced, and I wish they had divorced sooner. That being said, neither of them put effort into fixing their problems or went to therapy, which I think are huge reasons why divorce ended up being the only option for them. I also have no family members who have stayed married. All aunts, grandparents, etc have gotten divorces. I'd like to buck the trend

I voted for cheating & abuse only.

If it came down to it and we were just unhappy, I would go to therapy and try anything and everything to work things out. If there was cheating or abuse, I don't think I would ever be able to trust him again.

As a rule I don't like to say *anything* is not an option. If I'm in a loveless or abusive marriage, I'd have to cross that bridge when I get there. Like pp, I can't imagine that ever happening but life is long and surprising.

Yes. But it would have to be really really really awful and we'd have gone through tons of therapy.

I voted abuse only, but I can't imagine that would ever, ever happen. It's just not in his nature to be verbally or physically abusive. I think like others we'd try therapy & other forms of mediation before letting unhappiness cause a divorce. It's really hard to say unless you're in the situation though.

My parents were divorced when I was four. Both remarried soon after. My mother divorced again when I was 21 and is remarried for the third time. I grew up saying I'd never get divorced because of what it did to us as kids, but really that had a lot more to do with my parents than their divorce.

Now that I'm an adult I see that sometimes two people can't work through things, even without abuse or cheating. So often it's worse on the kids with two fighting parents than it is if they're living separate happy lives. Obviously in my own marriage, I'd work on every inch before I ever got a divorce, but I don't think of it as wrong or a failure if you end up divorcing. Like others have said, life is too short to spend it unhappy.

@yoursilverlining: exactly this!

I voted not an option but I dunno, who really knows right? As of right now, we love each other so much, still going strong after almost 8 years of marriage, 2 beautiful babies, I know we'd never cheat on each other.... And I'm happy.... So as of this second, it's not an option. =)