Hellobee Boards

My gut answer is till death do us part.
I didn't marry my husband with the option of divorce. My vows were before God for a reason and we will both honor each other till we die.

If we were unhappy and had tried counseling and everything else, then yes I would divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy. Not to mention I wouldn't want my kids growing up thinking it is ok to be unhappy. I have too many friends that grew up with parents in an unhappy marriage and seen how it has affected them.

I vote yes for abuse. Also cheating but that can be worked through if you both commit to it. Abuse is different. I get upset when women refuse to leave when it's hurting their children, I know it's a crazy mental thing but still...it's your kids.

Mostly, I'm a big fan of being sure that you aren't marrying someone with abusive tendancies in the first place. I have a friend who's in a really rough marriage, but they got married when they hardly knew each other (online stuff for a year and then were dating for a month and engaged for a month). I just think that's a crazy gamble.

Also, we have had some major rough times, and I never want to be without him, I just can't imagine it. So it's partly religious but partly just that I love him too much. That might sound naive, but believe me, it isn't.

I voted abuse only, I believe if you're in love but unhappy that a good counselor can help.

I'm divorced, we were married for six years. The only good thing that came from that marriage is my ds, the rest is awful memories. I was not happy for five of those six years, abused both physically and verbally, I was also threatened by him and his family that if I ever tried to leave I wouldn't live. It took a lot of careful planning to leave that marriage. Still paying for that after almost seven years! Dh is also divorced, his ex-wife used him to get her education, and home, then she cheated on him and moved her new beau into their home...
Divorce is a very nasty, messy, stressful, hurtful thing, something I don't take lightly and don't ever want to go through again. Something I hope my children will understand as well.

ETA:
My ex and I dated for 2.5 years before getting married, he was in the military and hid all of his bad behavior. Nothing showed up until he decided to get out one year after we got married. We moved home near his family and all hell broke loose. Sometimes you don't know the real person until they are around their family.

I chose abuse only, but I have to say that if we were *extremely* unhappy for an *extremely* long time, and no amount of counseling or working on it helped, I would consider it.

When we got married, at our ketubah signing ceremony, our rabbi had everyone in the room (only our immediate families and bridal party) join hands, with us in the middle of the room. She explained that marriage was like the circle that they made around us, and the nature of a circle was that there will inevitably be ups and downs as you travel along it. It was their job, as our family and dearest friends, to try to support us if we asked for help during periods of trial. That moment was almost as profound as saying our vows, to me. I will never forget the peace that came with knowing that we would inevitably go through rough times, that it is normal, but that we would get through them if we worked at our marriage and asked for help (from family or professionals).

We have been through some tough times in our relationship, and there was even a period of time that I questioned how we would make it, but I'm so incredibly grateful we worked through them and have come out stronger on the other side.

Only in the case of chronic abuse (not necessarily physical) and infidelity. Most anything can be worked through if both parties want it.

In the case of physical abuse I would immediately separate. I would never keep myself or children in a dangerous situation. I would continue to stay faithful to my husband and require extensive counseling. If my husband chose to then leave b/c he didn't want to change that would be on him, not me.

In infidelity, I would require therapy and decide from there. It's not an automatic deal breaker (being married, not in the case of dating) BUT I'm also not one to accept abusive behavior.

Having children though, I would never leave my marriage due to not being happy! I'd have to find it, but I know of one study for sure that showed children benefit much more from an intact family in a loveless marriage (where not volatile) than having divorced, "happy", parents. Being a child/teen that went through my parents divorce AND seeing how DS has been affected by my past divorce (chronic abuse) it would take ALOT for me to ever do that to him again or any of our future children ever!