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DH's grandparents are the same way - we always visit them since they are old and DH doesn't want them driving far.
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I didn't get a chance to read the responses, but no, I don't think that is strange at all:)
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I wonder if your grandparents are like me? I find it incredibly awkward to invite myself over to people's houses. Except to see a brand new baby. Then I feel it's normal to invite myself over. But after a few months, I would only invite people to see me, because I'd feel like a burden if I came over.
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I don't think it's strange but if it's more convenient for them to visit you I don't think it would be mean to let them know that and offer some times they could visit.
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@woodentulip: I don't want my baby to grow up too quickly, but it'll definitely be nice when I don't have to revolve everything around his feeding/sleeping schedule!
@irene: haha, thanks for the examples! I guess it was technically closer to the "normal" scenario you laid out, so I guess they ARE normal. Just annoying to me, haha.
@Grace: I guess that makes sense. I think if it was me, I would've phrased it more like "We'd love to have you guys over for a visit, but if it would be easier on you, we could also come to you!" But I guess that's just me?
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My sisters LOVE to go visit my parents with their kids, so this is normal. They don't have to worry about cleaning their home, etc. My mom calls it "nanny camp" and she prepares the house for grandbabies. Maybe your in-laws want to make memories of having their grandchild at their home.
@Grace: Very good point! I wouldn't invite myself somewhere either.
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So I was talking to my mentor about this at work. His response:
"That's what grandparents do. People like babies. People don't like 20-something year olds. And they especially don't like 20-something year olds that don't bring their babies over for a visit."
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@Adira: LOL
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@Smurfette: haha, yeah, my mentor's the best.
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Maybe they just didn't know how to ask if they could come visit you? Probably just saying they're welcome to come would be enough to convince them!
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@Dandelion: Yeah, good idea!
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@Adira: I don't think you're being crazy for reacting this way. My inlaws (after they put us through hell during their last visit at 8 weeks old) were insistent on us visiting like an all out email campaign starting from October to April. We eventually visited them in April when I had enough PTO even do it. We visited because DH's grandfather is dying. MIL especially wasn't aware of how much of a cost it was to us and planning.
I've been chopped liver for some time with my inlaws (and DH's grandparents) since what happened. I would react the same way to an email like that. Dare I ask, are the grandparents self centered or clueless when it comes to understanding other people's lives and juggling a baby and travel?
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I agree with @Dandelion -- maybe they didn't feel they could be like, "HEY! When are you gonna invite us over to your place?"
My other thought is, an hour isn't really far. At some point you might enjoy the change of scenery
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And it's normal for everyone to stop caring about you. We have lunch with my in-laws every Sunday and I joke that my husband and I could just walk out the door and no one would even notice. Maybe some day we'll do it.
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@Adira: haha i can totally see why it doesn't feel normal to you. LO's grandparents are OBSESSED with him. They always just grab him like a piece of meat. He used to be ok but not anymore after he develops stranger anxiety (they live far away from us so we don't see them often). The grandfather would go "come to grandpa!" and my son will burst out in tears, holding tight to me or his dad, and then grandpa sighed and mumble a bunch of things in frustration in return and just made the whole atmosphere quite negative (crying baby and a grumpy frustrated old man).
Their level of obsession annoys me but I told myself I have to chill because they only get to see them a few days every once in a while.
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@cascademom: I don't think they're self centered (well... maybe a little...) but probably more clueless. Hubs' sister also has kids and probably was willing to visit them more, but she also lives closer and has also relied on them for monetary assistance a lot, so I think that's part of it.
@sloaneandpuffy: haha, it might be normal for them to stop caring about us, but I'm still going to be offended by it!
Plus, Hubs and I both work full-time. I don't really want to spend my weekends visiting people that don't seem to care about us just so they can see the baby. We have such little time with him as it is, so I don't feel especially inclined to cater to other people's whims.
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@irene: Is it sad that I actually want Xander to develop stranger anxiety?? He's currently so chill, he'll just smile happily at anyone who holds him! I get so jealous when other people are holding him - I wish he just wanted ME!
But you're right - these people only get to see the baby a few times, so I probably shouldn't be such a baby-hog! It's just that I don't get to see him enough either, so I don't really want to spend my weekends visiting people who don't seem all that interested in US.
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@Adira: Just remember, it's for your kid, too
Maybe one day when your baby is older you can go visit and you and your husband can go into a bedroom and take a nap, or go out for a coffee together. The upside to not being important to the relatives!
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@sloaneandpuffy: True!! And certainly when he's older and will actually remember stuff, I will want to take him to visit his grandparents and great grandparents. BUT he's still an infant and isn't going to remember any of this, so I don't feel like it's AS important now, if that makes sense.
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I feel like it's probably normal, but annoying. If it was a day trip and there was something interesting to do (a nice pool, park, something?) I might indulge. Otherwise I'd say he's happiest at home where he can take a nap in his own crib so you need to come to him.
Glad my in-laws are only minutes away so I don't have to deal with that!
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@Adira: LOL at your mentor's comment! That's hilarious, and SO true! Hahaha
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@swurlygurl: haha, yeah, my mentor is the best. And I'm not super familiar with where they live, but I doubt they plan to do anything fun except host us in their home. Not sure where Xander would nap while we're there (maybe just in our arms?). Also, I don't know how they feel about my breastfeeding - when they came to us, I went into the bedroom to feed Xander. Not sure if they'd be okay with me just whipping out the girls to feed Xander if I went there.
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@Adira: Oh don't take it personally that they don't care about YOU. For me, I feel like I am now classified as "the woman who gave birth to my grandson". I don't care.
I understand why you want Xander to develop stranger anxiety, but trust me you don't want to wish for it too much! Nowadays when we go to see the grannies (we have to fly there for 2.5 hours), we can't even take advantage of the "complimentary grannie babysitting service". We can't leave him with them or he'll cry his eyes out! So for now, before the stranger anxiety happens, just take advantage of the "grannie-childcare" and you guys go for a candle light dinner and a movie and what not. Don't think about it too much and you guys go have fun on your own! That's what I'd do. Very soon Xander will only want mommy and you'd wish he doesn't lol
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@irene: haha, I don't actually think they are offering to babysit - just a visit! They still want me there to feed him, I think. And even if they didn't, we're currently breastfeeding, so I'd prefer to be there to feed him than have to pump extra so that they can feed him. And if he gets fussy, I'm not sure they really want to deal with him. I suspect they'll want to be able to pass him off to me to deal with!
But you're right - I probably don't really want to wish on stranger anxiety! Especially because I don't actually want Xander to feel anxious around people!
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@Adira: Lol- your mentor sounds wise.
Maybe think about the pluses to being the visitor? You don't have to clean your house, they'll have yummy snacks for you and you get to plan when to leave (as opposed to being at the mercy of people who won't go home)!
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@Grace: That's true!!! I didn't think about the fact that guests can over-stay their welcome and I HATE that! If we go to them, I can be all "Gotta go, want to get home before Xander's next feeding!"
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