Some have wondered what my outcome was. I'm not dealing with it well. It's certainly a point of stress for me still.

Here's the basics of what happened. I had a size ultrasound where it was estimated that I was carrying a 11 pound 3 ounce baby. My practice follows ACOG guidelines and decided not to go through with a planned induction. They insisted that I have a c-section. I refused the cs and began to start natural ways of induction.

I went into labor and had my labor stall. I was in the hospital when this happened. Again, my case was reviewed by members of my practice. In a 3 to 2 vote, I was again told that they would not assist me in anyway (pitocin, breaking waters, etc) because they believed that my son was too large to pass through the birth canal.

At that point I again refused the cs. My "favorite" ob and midwife from the group came in to discuss their recommendation again. They were pushy and I was angry. At one point I asked for a level 2 ultrasound. I whole heartedly did not believe that my son was as large as they were saying (even if he was I would have refused the section). At first the OB agreed. Then he said "well regardless of what the level 2 says, your baby isn't going to just up and shrink. It won't change my mind. A c-section will be our recommendation."

I packed my things as they continued to insist that a c-section was necessary. I yelled tbh. I told them to get out and I left the hospital. The hospital that I work in.

2 days later I was again in full active labor. I went into the hospital and was 5cm dilated. Nurses I knew cheered my perseverance. However, the OB on call came in and told me that she wanted to give me a c-section. Again I refused. It was hostile. I got into the birthing tub and began to have the birth experience that I wanted. However, I was dilating but my son was not descending.

I begged for assistance, and again was told no. They believed that based on his rate of growth, and the days I spent refusing a cs, that he was over 12lbs. I wanted to again leave. My husband however, was worried. Why wouldn't he be? For a week he listened to people tell me that I was putting my life and my babies life in danger. He trusted me to make the decision. He told an OB at one point that I "was in charge of what and how went in and out of my body", but now there was a doctor in front of him telling him that my body kept stalling because something was wrong. Although a week earlier, an ultrasound sound a perfectly healthy baby, with no issues, just a possibility of being large. My mother in law told me she was angry at me for putting my baby in danger.

I stuck to my guns. I'm educated in this field and there is so much evidence based birth information letting me know that a large baby was NOT a reason for a section.

I continued on laboring and eventually I gave in. I was bullied into a c-section. I was so upset. I went into a cold OR, without my husband, holding the hands of the doctor that I did so much research on, and now feeling betrayed by. They couldn't get the spinal in. He missed 7 times. After the 4th time I questioned this, and heard back "I don't know what's going on. It never takes this many times".

I was tied down and had an oxygen mask placed on my face. My husband entered the room. He sat next to my head and I began to cry. I told him I didn't want this. I told him this all felt wrong. His eyes welled up. I began to vomit all over myself and him. they tipped up the oxygen mask and my glasses fogged up. I could no longer see on top of the other things, and I was crying.

In 8 minutes my son was ripped from my body. He had a true knot in his umbilical cord that was wrapped around his knee and shoulder. He was also sunny side up. None of these things were there during my ultrasound, on the day of my schedule induction. These things happened only during the week of refusal from my practice.

I couldn't see my son, they set him on my chest skin to skin and my husband pulled my glasses off. He knew that if I could get nothing else, I would get skin to skin. He fought them when the tried to take him off of me about 30 seconds later, but then I had the most horrific pain and I started screaming.

They gave me an extra dose through my spinal but it didn't work, they tried again, but I could feel everything that was going on. Not just feel it, but really feel it. When the OB questioned that, I explained to her exactly where she was passing the needle through. I was yelling at them.

When the realized that I was telling the truth they basically kept adding meds until I passed out and they stopped sewing and just quickly closed me up with staples.

A few hours later I was visited by a midwife at the practice who told me she thought my section was unnecessary and that she should have fought harder for the induction. The OB who delivered came in a bit after that and said "look at this baby. I told you that after you had him in your arms, it wouldn't matter how he got here." I told her to fuck off. Because a healthy baby isn't all that matters. The mother matters. The feelings, her experience, and the way she is treated matters.

My son weighed 9 pounds 9 ounces. No where close to what they said he weighed. He was well within the ACOG recommendations for induction and I had a c-section because doctors, top rated doctors, refused to care for their patient or listen to them. I'm a doula and now a training CPM. I fight for woman at every birth, but at mine no one was fighting for me but me.

My positive spin on this birth is that it will make me a better care provider.

The day they checked me out and removed my staples they discovered that my skin had healed so fast that there were a few they had to cut out. Then the next morning, I woke up at home with a face swollen like a chipmunk because I had a wisdom tooth abscess overnight. I had to have an emergency extraction on my first morning home with my baby. I couldn't sit in the dentist chair and I couldn't get put under. It was one hell of a week.

With all that said, this time around, I somehow don't seem to have ppd. Our nursing relationship is going fantastic and even though I'm not religious, I feel like some higher power realized I had enough and blessed me with a very easy going, well spirited baby, who has slept a 5-6 hour stretch every night since we've been home.

Here's Jace Durgan (middle name is the last name of DH's bff who passed away from breast cancer late last year) Born May 12th at 2:43pm 9 pounds 9 ounces and 21" long