It'll be two months that I've been back to work as of next week and everyone kept telling me, in the beginning, that it would get better, than those first few weeks would get better, but it's not. If anything it's worse and I don't know how much longer I can do it. I feel like a failure from every angle here and I've been crying all morning.

I work the front desk at a hotel and DH works night shifts at a gas station. My manager promised me that I could come back on morning shifts, that way DH or I would always be home, so we wouldn't have to worry about getting childcare for LO. But then I come back and, after a week, she tells me she's putting me back on 2nd shift, so now I work until 11 at night and we have to juggle taking LO to my MILs house between shifts. I hate it. I hate having to take him out in the cold at 11pm. I hate having to worry about whether or not she's available or if we're asking too much of her. I hate pumping at work and how the federal laws that are suppose to protect me don't because we're a small company.

I worry about DH every night. He needs a new job. The very night we brought baby home from the hospital, DH was held at gunpoint during a robbery. I can't sleep at night for worrying about him. I can't sleep at night for worrying if the baby's breathing. When does that stop???

I can't keep my house clean and family members have made comments, but I have no time. When I'm not working I'm nursing or pumping or trying to sleep.

DH and I both have our bachelors in psychology, but he can't get his driver's license because he has a nystagmus and is pretty much legally blind, so that makes it difficult for him to find any job in this middle of nowhere town, let alone one that would pay enough for me to be able to stay home.

I feel completely broken and I think everyone thinks I'm just being a complete drama queen about it, but I just don't understand how people function. Why can't I function? I feel like I'm going to spend all this time being miserable and miss out on this perfect little chubby baby.