I don't want to complain to anyone in real life but need to get this off my chest. O is going through a sleep phase where she's waking up once or twice each night. It's not horrible, but in general I've been getting less sleep. Last night she was up 4 times and I got up all 4 times with her. DW offered once but then didn't get up and fell back to sleep. Then O woke at 5:40 for the day. Guess who got up. DW slept peacefully until 7:15. And I'm the one with a cold! I'm feeling grumpy and resentful (not to mention tired) and we leave on a drive this morning to visit my in-laws. UGH! Thanks for listening.
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I totally relate to this...I'm the one breastfeeding, but I've encouraged SO to develop other soothing techniques. That has not happened. Maybe she's offered already, but could she drive while you nap today?
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Yes! I really need to make some time for self care because I’m starting to get grumpy about my husband having a life while I feel too exhausted to even get up and go get my coffee out of the microwave. My toddler is up for hours every night and my baby is up 2-3x so I’m just dead!
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@Mrs. Turtle: I’m sorry. It sounds all too familiar. I find that I need to explicitly state what I need from my SO (e.g. “I let you sleep in yesterday, can you please get up with him tomorrow morning?”). Then I still sometimes need to give a “loving” push the next morning to make him get up. Hope you’re able to find more of a balance 🤞.
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@babypugs: She is driving, sadly I can't nap in the car
@newlypregnantlady: Oh man. We had a newborn for one night recently and it was rough! I totally sympathize!
@ChiCalGoBee: Yeah, for sure I need to be better about this. I just feel like I shouldn't have to! How is it not obvious when I'm sick that I'm not that thrilled to do all night wakings plus get up early!? -
@Mrs. Turtle: yep, this is our house as well. my husband somehow can sleep through the crying, so he won't get up unless I put a gun to his head. figuratively
have you thrown it down and told her how badly you need her to join in with this stuff? I don't know how old your baby is, but also wondering if you've dipped a toe in CIO and how you think it might go, if you're willing to do that 
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Yeah. this would not fly in my house (also my DH knows better I think - lol). Repeat after me. "Hey. Wake up. I was up all night with the baby while you slept. I don't feel well and I need to sleep. You have to get up with her now. You have to get up. I am going to bed now. It is your turn." It's not a request. Repeat as necessary!
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I get up with LO all the time. I have made comments and stated how exhausted I am! DH sees that and he will offer to hold him while i get a few hours! If I were you I would say something! Sometimes people just don’t know!
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@MrsADS: haha agreed!!!!
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@Mrs. Turtle: the very fact that you didn’t kick her under the covers when she said she would get up and then didn’t makes you a better spouse than I! I often get really annoyed with the concept of having to point out to my husband that he needs to take some load off of me, but it’s better than the alternative of stewing in silence and exhaustion.
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@LCTBQE: She does sometimes get up. It's mostly me, but she also needs significantly more sleep to be functional. O is 25 months. She's been sleeping through the night for a while, this seems to be a phase. And given her trauma/neglect history and possible attachment challenges, CIO isn't something we are able to try.
@MrsADS: Haha thank you. You're right.
@cake2017: I do need to say something.
@Truth Bombs: It definitely is. I'm working on getting better about saying something!
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@Mrs. Turtle: I so relate to feeling like you shouldn't HAVE to say something, but it does make life so much easier to be really explicit about your needs. My DH is pretty good about getting up with our 2 year old (since an explicit conversation when she was about 9 months), but I recently had to talk to him again about how bringing her into our bed after they got up on a weekend morning wasn't actually letting me get any more sleep. Now they go lay down in the guest room.
Hopefully with the extra adults around during your visit, you can sneak off and take a nap!
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@lady baltimore: Haha! Sometimes when I'm feeling grumpy about having to get up, I bring O back to our bed for that exact reason. I probably shouldn't admit that... seems awfully passive aggressive now that I wrote it down.
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@Mrs. Turtle: I think using that strategy when it's not really your turn to be getting up is totally valid! My DH gets to sleep in with LO all week (they are both still in bed when I leave for work), so he has agreed that I get at least one sleep in day each weekend. When he'd bring LO into our bed, he'd fall back asleep, she and I wouldn't, so I'd end up getting up with her after all.
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That’s so rough! I think it will always happen to some extent that one parent does slightly more than the other. But I’ve definitely found that being explicit and just speaking up goes a long way. It took me a couple of years (as a parent) to realize that. But I’d say in the last year I finally realized I can ask for what I want and usually he’ll do it no problem. It just didn’t occur to him before. So if I have a cold or got up with my LO the night before I literally say “I need more sleep” and he’ll go get him and I’ll get another hour or so.
Or even on a Saturday I’ll just finally say “I feel like lying down” and I’ll go to our room and lie down and let DH take over for a while. Again, took me a little time to realize it’s OK for me to do that too! (He does it all the time, lol).We also instituted pretty early on that Saturday is my sleep in and Sunday is his. It’s been pretty awesome. We don’t question it and neither of us gets resentful because we both get a day. I don’t even always sleep, sometimes I’m naturally up early but I stay in bed or take a long shower and my time getting ready for the day. We have a rule that we just don’t open the bedroom door on that person till at least 9am (and often we do even later if there’s no reason to bother the other person).
Sometimes things come up and maybe DH will go out with friends on Friday so we switch days. But we each always get a day. -
@SweetiePie: This, we each have a Morning to sleep in on the weekend.
I think especially since your sick you just have to say that you need some extra help with the wake ups.
I find it hard sometimes to say what I need but everyone is happier when I do.
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@Mrs. Turtle: Does your DW do other things? My DW doesn't get up at night with DS *ever ... but she is in charge of other house things like all of the cooking. So it's equitable!
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@MrsADS: Yes, exactly!!
My husband is the same way - he can sleep through almost anything and often I'll have gotten up with the kids multiple times and he has no clue it even happened! You really just need to be more forceful - demand what you want and need so you're not resentful that it's not just happening. I know I can't just expect Hubs to wake up and tend to the kids - he's a heavier sleeper than I am! But if I ask him to do it, he will. He just needs a little nudging (or kicking) and then it will happen.
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I can so relate!!
have you thrown it down and told her how badly you need her to join in with this stuff? I don't know how old your baby is, but also wondering if you've dipped a toe in CIO and how you think it might go, if you're willing to do that 
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