Hellobee Boards

I'm pregnant with my first right now, first grandchild for all our family, and my mom is already giving me trouble. She's offended that I plan to follow modern parenting advice in books and from my doctors (such as put the baby to sleep on its back and don't use a drop-side crib) instead of blindly following her advice based on what she did 20-30 years ago. She says I'm going to be a "high maintenance" mom and that as soon as she's alone with the baby, she's going to do as she likes because "[she] raised 4 kids and they all turned out fine." My husband and I told her that she won't be alone with the baby for several years- not until it's old enough to tell us what she does when we're not around. Now she backpedals and says she'll follow modern safety guidelines, but we just don't trust her. She's the type to always say what she needs to when it suits her to get her way, then do what she wants, because she's insistent that she always knows better than everyone else and has more of a right than anyone else to decide what should be done.

It can be hard with grandparents. I think a lot of them take it personally when you don't absolutely agree with them one what to do with your own children. They raised you, so why should they feel like they should listen to you now when it comes to raising your own child? I don't know your mom or your relationship with her, but if mine did what yours did I would be pretty upset. I'd tell her that if she's going to have a problem giving the baby back to me when it's crying, she can't hold the baby anymore.

I think this is a pretty common occurrence with little babies. Grandparents want to help you and prove to themselves they can calm the fussy little one (since they probably did with you). It drove me crazy when my parents and in laws would interpret LOs cries for me and tell me she doesn't need x (usually boob) she just needs y (grandma snuggles).

For me it was easiest to say that them holding my crying baby was not helpful. That it makes me super uncomfortable and makes me feel like they don't trust me to take care of my own baby. That took the pressure off of the question of right or wrong parenting tactics and judging their ability to care for little one. Now I try to keep that in mind when I hold friends' babies if they fuss and I think I can handle it easily.

I never had to when C was a baby too bad. We lived in another country and we didn't see them until she was 8 months old. We've been back near them since she was 2 though, and I had to snap at my mom last week because she was harassing me for the 100th time about nighttime potty training and Im sick to death of hearing it.

It happens. Your mom was out of line, but she's probably just overly excited about her grandbaby. I doubt it was done maliciously. Maybe next time hand your mom the bottle and let her feed her? Baby gets fed, grandma gets to keep holding her. Win-win.

I've snapped at my MIL plenty of times because she does stuff like that. I've literally had to pull my LO out of her hands before because she refuses to give them up. It's ridiculous, but it's your baby so you need to lay the law down.

I WISH I could be that stern. LO is pretty sensitive at the moment when it comes to interacting with anyone but me or his dad. Despite telling her countless times that giving LO lots of attention (even just eye contact or saying hello) really upsets/scares him, especially before he's had a chance to just sit and observe everyone, MIL still insists on talking to him before letting him settle in. He erupts into frantic, scared crying and I feel like I have to apologise to her for his behaviour!!! I wish I had the guts to tell her to just leave him alone. If my parents can manage it, why can't she? I feel as if she is unable to respect LO's most basic needs as a little human being! Sorry, what a rant...

I say good on you for being straight with your mom, even if it was abrupt. Grandparents sometimes need snapped out of that weird grandbaby haze...

Nothing so dramatic, thank goodness. When LO was a few months old we went back to TX to visit my parents. My sister informed me that my mom thought I fed the baby too often (I breastfed on demand). My LO would put her hands in her mouth when hungry, and ONLY when hungry. She has never been one to suck on her thumb or fingers otherwise. There were a few comments here and there about, "she's not hungry!" Finally I snapped and informed them that, "I think I know my child and know when she is hungry," and that I'd thank them to stop commenting about it. They did.

The truth of the matter is that everyone thinks they know best, and more often that not they will try to share their "wisdom" with you, whether you want to hear it or not. Most of the time now I just smile and say something like, "I'll have to keep that in mind." I think you handled it very well!

I've never had to snap, but I think you were awesome. The thing is, it's hard for a new mom to hear their baby cry. I hear newborns now and am shocked at how that teeny cry (even if it was a howling cry) affected me at the time. So, when the grandparents say the crying isn't bothering them, they are probably telling the truth. A newborn's cry cuts her mom up in a way that is different than everyone else. So, as the mom, you do what you have to do to sooth that cry - even if you have to snap.