Hellobee Boards

I voted one month, but that's just because it was your smallest option. I would have a REALLY hard time letting anyone live with us, and it would have to be in pretty crazy circumstances. Luckily, DH is on the same page. We might help a family member financially, but I can't see letting them live with us...

I don't think you are unreasonable! How long for me would depend on our home. We live in a two bedroom condo, have a toddler and another baby on the way. So I'd let someone stay, like, 3 days.

If we had a proper guest room with its own bathroom and plenty of space, maybe a month? Beyond that would have to be extenuating circumstances or a short term thing, like doing a three month internship or something.

Depends on why they want to stay (adult who can't get their stuff together vs someone escaping an abusive relationship trying to get back on their feet) and how much space I have. Sounds more like the former and I think you've been plenty generous and patient. At some point, this person may just be taking advantage. Tough love seems in order.

@Raindrop: oh, hell no. I told DH without s doubt he needed to be gone before the baby arrived. I was not going to hide in the nursery 24/7. I needed freedom to nurse wherever and whenever. And my mom was coming to help so she needed the guest room. He on the other hand would not have been helpfuk.

What??? So then why is he still living with you?! Is he paying rent???

@Raindrop: ugh we are so two peas in a pod. Thankfully, BIL had the decency to cut us a check when his retirement money from the military started rolling in. It barely made a dent in room, board and food for 11m but it was better than $0.

I voted marshmallows because nothing else seemed to fit. For me it would not be a time thing so much as it would depend on the reason for staying. We have had family stay with us for extended periods in both tiny and large spaces, but for us it was a situational thing - nowhere to go, going through a major issue of some sort, etc. So there was no drop dead date for us, but at the same time there came a time when we were like ok time to leave. So I guess my real answer would be "until I say it's time to go" - and you've done that, so...he should go! And also marshmallows

I let my in-laws live with us for four years... when it was only supposed to be for four months. It worked out because they watched both our kids for the first years of their lives, and when the kids were babies it was easy for us to squeeze in date nights or go out together after the kids went down since someone was always home. It definitely made things more bearable knowing they were trying to pull their weight. I hear you about the "just knowing they're around" feeling. It felt like a huge weight off my shoulders once the house was ours again. Even just not having to put on a bra all the time made a world of a difference!

My answer for "how long" would really depend on if they're treating us/our home with respect, showing gratitude (versus taking advantage), and a bunch of other factors! Basically, not just using and abusing us.. and if I can handle their personality/lifestyle!

I think you've already been hella patient. My BIL lived with us for about a month and a half and that was enough to send me round the bend. We live in less than 600 sq ft so he was really on top of us, but worse than that he spent the whole time criticising how we lived our lives, what we watched on TV etc. He also seemed to have no motivation to try and get himself in a place where he could leave. Luckily this was not long before I was due with DS, and so it was easy for us to give a deadline because there was deffo not space for 3 adults and a baby!

@Raindrop: Given the reason you stated, I would be pissed that he was still there too! I didn't really know how to vote as circumstances would heavily factor into my decision - if it was a case where a sibling lost their job, had no money, and needed some help getting back on their feet, I'd be a bit more lenient. If it was because they were dumped by their SO and couldn't be assed to find their own place to live, my patience would be far shorter.

You most definitely have not been unreasonable and after the first time you asked how long he was staying, he should have taken the hint and started looking for his own place to live! Does he pay rent or contribute financially to the running of the household in any way? ETA just saw that he has paid a small rent the part two months - umm, hell no, that boy needs to be gone, three months be damned! Tell him he has until the end of this month and that's it....people who are sponges drive me nuts!

You didn't have an option for never.

@Adira: I say it in the most loving way, ahem, but I can't stand house guests. And I won't ever intrude on someone's house again. And I know if someone stayed, my husband would never have the balls to kick them out so I would get to be the mean one. I wouldn't even pay for a place for them to live. I think it's enabling with the kind of issues some people close to us have. My only exception would be kids living with us and I would straighten them up.

I voted Marshmallows because nothing really fit. It would be very much situationally dependent. Who it was, how they acted, why they needed a place to stay....

My sister lived with us for 7 months because she moved across the country to be closer to our family. She found a job and was saving up to find a place. We had plenty of room, so she basically had the whole upstairs to herself. We are on opposite schedules so I didn't see her that often during the week, but she was pretty good about cleaning up after herself. She didn't pay rent, but bought her own food and occasionally made us dinner. It worked pretty well, but it would be a bit different now that we have a LO.

We've had friends live with us for a month while their house renovation was finished. That was much harder because we both had LOs.

I voted 2-3 months because the longer it drags out, it has the potential to ruin your relationship. Especially if that person is an inconsiderate house guest and doesn't help out around the house.

I think you've been more than reasonable. It sounds like he's just taking advantage of you.

I voted 2-3 months for my comfortability. I have a cousin who's going to go to grad school near us, and I would've been fine with her living with us for that long if she needed time to find an apartment or whatever. But any longer is too much.

Wow, you are a saint. I could maybe handle a few months but it would be tough, and I would insist on a move out date. I just had my MIL here for 2 days and I'm about to lose my mind.

As others have said, it is totally situational for me. If they are going through a tough time or need help, maybe a few months. If they are being a lazy mooch, significantly less time. We are moving to a bigger house that would have a separate entrance and bathroom for a house guest, but we would still be feeding them so I'm not sure... Also, it depends on which relative... my mom, forever! my brother in law, never!

I voted 2-3 months.

My BIL is going to be living with us for about 6 weeks starting this weekend. He is a college student, and has a summer internship lined up near where we live. We are letting him stay with us rent free, but he is going to be helping us buy groceries. I am not too concerned about it because he has to go back to school in August so at least it is for a defined period of time.

My BIL lived with us for 6 months when he relocated to the area. He was an easy houseguest. However we all knew when he moved in that it was temporary.

My sister currently lives with us and it's a very different situation. She only 19 and it's been a lot more difficult that DH and I thought it would be. There were expectations before she arrived that aren't being met so I'm going to have to set some hard rules soon.

In your situation you've been more than generous. You definitely aren't being unreasonable.

You've been very reasonable!

We lived with my parents for a year and honestly it went pretty well for all parties, but we agreed that it would be for a year from the beginning. We had specific financial goals we wanted to meet and they offered as a way to help us. We knew we had to be out by the next summer and we were.

I voted 10-12 months because I think I could do the same thing for a family member - BUT it would absolutely have to be agreed upon ahead of time. I think in your situation, you never intended for him to stay for so long and he has overstayed his welcome.