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Maiden Name and Kids

  • poll: Did you keep or change your last name when you got married? If you have kids what last name?
    I changed my last name to my husband’s last name, my kids have my husband’s (our) last name : (99 votes)
    71 %
    I didn’t change my last name, my kids have my husband’s last name : (26 votes)
    19 %
    I didn’t change my last name, my kids have my last name : (0 votes)
    I didn’t change my last name, my some kids have my last name and some have his last name. : (0 votes)
    I didn’t change my last name, my kids have a combination of our last names : (2 votes)
    1 %
    I changed my last name to a combo of our last name, our kids have that combo last name. : (2 votes)
    1 %
    I did something completely different! (If you can please share) : (7 votes)
    5 %
    I changed my last name to my husbands, no kids yet. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    I didn’t change my last name, no kids yet. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    I changed my last name to a combo of our last name, no kids yet. : (2 votes)
    1 %
  1. lovehoneybee

    GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts

    I changed my name right after we got married. Like as soon as I got the marriage certificate in the mail. My last name was okay (though constantly misspelled), but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my married name, and I was so excited for it to be mine. I did do that switcheroo where I dropped my middle name and replaced it with my maiden name, but 5 years on I'm not sure why, I had no attachment to my maiden name, and have only the barest of relationships with my father.

  2. Mrs. D

    pear / 1852 posts

    It was important to my husband that I change it, so I did, although I would have kept it if it wasn't important to him.
    I was a Smiley, and eveyone has always told me what a perfect name it is for my chosen profession.
    I know in some cultures the wife doesn't take the husbands name, but the kids will have the husbands name.

  3. cam

    cherry / 157 posts

    My wife and I kept our names when we got married. I carried our son and we gave him my wife's last name. We had to discuss it quite a bit since there's not really a "default" scenario.

  4. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    I made my maiden name a middle name, legally, so I have two middle names. LO won't have my name at all. I think if I had it to do over, I would seriously consider going for a combo name for both of us (DH and me). But he felt pretty strongly about me taking his name, and it's what's expected, so really I think I can ignore the sexism on it.

  5. Ms maths

    apricot / 343 posts

    I have my birth name and my kids have DH's. I lobbied hard to give them my name, but it was a nonstarter with DH. It's one of the few issues where I have found him to be close-minded.

  6. MrsSCB

    pomelo / 5257 posts

    Oh one thing I just remembered -- when we were talking about the baby to my ILs recently, my FIL suggested a name and said, "I don't know which last name the baby will have, but it would go with both!" I was really touched by that because I generally think of him as a relatively old-school guy. So seems like thoughts are changing on this subject, at least for some!

  7. HabesBabe

    grapefruit / 4400 posts

    I hyphenated (HUGE pain in the ass) and our kids have my husband's last name. I go by his/our last name socially.

  8. Mommy Finger

    pomegranate / 3272 posts

    @HabesBabe: My SIL did the same thing and says the same.

  9. auggiefrog

    kiwi / 631 posts

    I legally hyphenate, but often just use my maiden name informally/ socially. Our kids will have his last name.

  10. auggiefrog

    kiwi / 631 posts

    I loved this article by the way. It is pretty much exactly what I felt about the whole name change situation, and why, even through it can be a pain in the ass, I hyphenate versus just getting rid of my name.

  11. sera_87

    pomegranate / 3604 posts

    legally not allowed to change my name in my province. Boys have their dad's last name.

    I grew up with a mom who kept her maiden name and there was absolutely no confusion or whatever, so I didn't really worry about it.

  12. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    I changed my maiden name to my middle name and took my husband's last name. To me it was representative of us becoming a family (even though we didn't have kids yet!). I totally loved my maiden name too and many people call me by it (still do).

    It's a definite possibility that we will give our next child my maiden name as their middle name. It's actually used as a first name too but I think that'd be a bit strange since it's still the last name of a lot of our family!

  13. Beth24

    cherry / 223 posts

    I didn't change my name and my kids have/will have my husbands last name. We plan on using my maiden name as their middle name for future children. My mom didn't change hers so it's not that unusual to me. My dad, siblings, and I are the only people left with my last name and my brother will most likely not have kids so I really want to pass it on some way.

  14. wrkbrk

    pomelo / 5084 posts

    Not a poll option but I kept my name and DS has my last name as his middle name. I have several friends who did this as well!

  15. MamaCate

    pomegranate / 3595 posts

    @MrsSCB: that is really sweet and thoughtful'

  16. avivoca

    watermelon / 14467 posts

    I took my husband's name and our children will have it too.

  17. MamaCate

    pomegranate / 3595 posts

    I kept my maiden and was set on that from before I met DH. He was fine with it. Both our kids have his last name and my last name as a second middle, like:
    FirstName FirstMiddle mylast hislast

    It has worked fine for us. I also grew up with a mom who kept her name so I was used to it.

    My parents are academics so they have friends and colleagues with a lot of solutions to this, like hyphens or one child having the dads last name and the other the mom's.

    I do have a friend who, after she got married, changed both of their names. Her DH did not have a good relationship with his dad and he didn't feel attached to that name, so they picked another family name, I think of the person who was like a real father figure to her DH. So now she, her DH and her baby all have that new name. I thought that was very creative!

  18. hony bologna

    cherry / 126 posts

    My husband and I both changed our names to a hyphenated last name, which our daughter has as well. A hyphenated name isn't easy to deal with (for us and others), but it was a good compromise for our situation and I'm glad we all have the same last name.

  19. farawayyama

    kiwi / 556 posts

    @MamaCate: I kept my last name and we did the same, DD's second middle name is my last name.

    I am toying with changing at some point though, although likely just socially. I teach under Ms. Hislastname, to prevent kiddos getting access to my social media, and I kind of like it - it has better flow than my original name.

  20. Umberto

    grape / 75 posts

    I'm a little strange. I kept my maiden name, and now that I'm pregnant, soon I will be changing to my mum's maiden name (she raised me and I'm not at all close to my dad). Our kid/s will have both my (new) last name and my husbands. It will be quite a mouthful but it's something I'm not willing to budge on.
    When the kids are a little older if they want to shorten to just one name I will support that completely, even if it's just their dad's name.

  21. Finfan

    persimmon / 1436 posts

    @rachiecakes: DH wanted to take my maiden name but we found out that it costs thousands of dollars for a man to change his name (have to go to court and publish legal notices in newspapers, etc.) all I had to do to change mine was check a box on the marriage license.

    I wanted to keep my maiden as my middle name but I was also told that was not allowed and would have to go through the same legal process. I don't like my middle name but I am too lazy to change it.

  22. rachiecakes

    coconut / 8279 posts

    @Finfan: funny! all he had to do was write his 'intended legal name after marriage', but Massachusetts was also the first state to allow same sex marriage so both sides of the form are equal.

  23. Finfan

    persimmon / 1436 posts

    @rachiecakes: Yeah, my state only got marriage equality with the Supreme Court decision last summer so hopefully there has been some progress on this front here. We've been married almost 6 years.

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