I'm going back July 15th and while I'm trying not to dwell on it, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared/nervous/upset. It really makes me not want more kids. DH had originally said if I wanted to take a year off, I could, and I went back and forth and told him at 7 weeks (our agreed-upon decision making deadline) that I wanted to stay home. He told me no.
So how do you get through it?
watermelon / 14206 posts
Ugh, that must be hard. I know how it is to have a preemie, and no matter how well they're doing, how they're growing and being normal babies, it always feels like it's a little harder to be away from them. I think it comes from having to leave them at the hospital in the beginning instead of having them home right away. I think it makes us have a form of separation anxiety of our own!
I hope the transition goes smoothly! Maybe once you're into it, you'll realize it isn't so bad.
coconut / 8279 posts
@septemberlove: I went back at 7 weeks, too 
Not gonna sugarcoat it was tough BUT I did end up enjoying it in the long run.
might not be possible but, can you ease back in with shorter days? that alone made it easier to get used to the no sleep thing. I did two weeks of working until 1pm before I went back full days.
I tried to focus on the things that I did enjoy. I was able to get a coffee and finish it before it got cold. I would order lunch with my coworkers, yea it's an expense, but it's the little pleasures that got me through the transition. I enjoyed the conversations with coworkers.
Before you go back you should definitely treat yourself, get your hair and nails done. Get a few new outfits. These little things made me feel like a million bucks when I walked back into my office not even two months PP.
Hopefully it won't be as bad as you're imagining it to be!
nectarine / 2127 posts
@Dandelion: I remember sobbing uncontrollably to DH while LO was in the NICU, saying dont make me go back to work, I never want to be away from him again. I still feel that way. I'm rarely away from him, maybe a quick grocery store run. Thankfully my mom is coming to stay the first few weeks so he isn't in daycare right away.
@rachiecakes: it'll be 13 weeks pp when I go back, decision time was 7 weeks I'll only be working 28 hours/week until January and I'll have three weeks of vacation but I still just hate the idea of going back. I'll be pumping 2-3x during the day so I probably won't make time for lunch with friends, I just want to get in and get done and get home. I think what scares me the most is people wanting to talk about LO and how I'm doing being back at work. The only time I full-on sobbed leaving LO in NICU was when one of the doctors asked how it felt to go home without him every night. I usually kept my composure until I got home and then cried to DH and cried while I pumped, but talking about it just killed me.
coconut / 8279 posts
@septemberlove: it is so hard. especially at first. but you will want to talk about him eventually. I remember people asking me where my photos of him were in my office and I couldn't put any up for the longest time because I would just get too sad. But eventually it did get easier and I did put photos up.
Pumping I would watch videos of him and I would get sad, but it was a good place to look at stuff like that and I think it helped produce. I'd also log into HB on my pump breaks.
my DS is 18 months on Monday and I'm still rarely away from him when I'm not at work. my friends think I'm nuts but I'd just rather be with DS than anywhere else.
pomelo / 5258 posts
I don't have any advice but I know I get a lot of support from HB. I'm going back July 1st and I'm going a little nuts. Just knowing there are lots of other ladies out there that have done it, are doing it, and will do it makes me feel better. Plus seeing all the pumping tips, example schedules, etc. helps me visualize how I will do it.
pomegranate / 3863 posts
It's definitely tough, and like you My LO was born early and spent 3 weeks in the NICU. Honestly for me though, the thought of going back to work was actually harder than actually going back. Iwork 35 hours a week which is awesome versus the 50 hours I used to work. I feel like it makes me the best of both worlds. I feel like I am contributing to our hosuehold and I get adult interaction every day yet I do get to spend lots of time with DS. I truly feel that working makes me a better mom because I value my time with him so much more!
Good luck! I know it's hard and I know the dread you are feeling but I'll be thinking of you and hoping that your transition back goes well. Maybe if you are still unhappy you can broach the subject with your husband at some point in the future. Once you go back and are stretched a bit thinner than you were over maternity leave your DH might realize that it is worth it for you to stay home.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
@septemberlove: I completely understand. I go back to work next Thursday, and I cry every time I think about it. Part of it may be the NICU thing; leaving them there was the hardest thing I think I've ever done, and it made me never want to leave them again. Plus, I'm used to thinking of them as little bitty preemies even though they're growing and doing great now. I would love to stay home, but it's just not an option right now. I keep telling myself to just focus on the big picture, in that having my income is the best thing for our family for now. I have no advice, but just wanted to say that I'm right there with you.
apricot / 391 posts
My son was 6 weeks early and had 10 days in the NICU and leaving him when I went back to work at 13 weeks pp was super hard. I cried for hours the night before even though he didn't even go to daycare right away when I went back. He went to daycare when he was 16 weeks old, my MIL and mom and DH covered the other three weeks until then. My advice I tell everyone is that the first two weeks in daycare will suck, the first 6 weeks will be hard, then after that it gets soooo much better! You can't judge what it will be like long term by those first two weeks - it's just such a big adjustment for everyone. It's good to ease into it, and great you can swing that. But just know that the first two weeks he is in daycare will be hard and that the only way out is to soldier through! You can do it 
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