We are trying for baby number 2 and I worry sometimes that my daughter will be hurt by the change and reduction in the amount of attention I/we give her. I'm curious if you had the same fear and how it went (or is going) for you. My daughter will be probably 3-3.5 when next baby comes. (assuming we get pregnant soon)
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I worried about this too. And the transition was hard (my eldest was 2.5 when his brother was born). But they love each other so much and the oldest even really wanted another baby very badly. So, sibling hood can't be all that bad right? Even though I know it worked out, I'm worried about it again with another baby coming soon. I think it's natural.
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My spirited, mama's girl (I was a FT SAHM) became a big sister at a few weeks past her 3rd birthday. I worried the same, struggled during pregnancy unable to care for her the way I usually could, and sometimes things were rough. Thankfully we did have some help through the transition and she spent a lot of time with grandma. But I absolutely do not regret having another. (We're now expecting #3 and I have a similar set of worries about the flow of things being disrupted but I trust now it will be ok.) They adore each other. Yes, there are disagreements and times I feel like a referee. But overall I know my daughter's life is better for being a sister. We are moving to a bigger house and they will room share for now because she WANTS to. And frankly the reduction in attention has probably actually been good for her, too. She is less anxious than she was a couple years ago, she is being forced to learn to wait for things that she wants or keep trying to do things herself that she would have usually already run to us to do for her. Plus, she still has some solo time with us, and goes to school with big kids. She wants #3 to be a "big brother, not a baby" though, lol.
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I worried about this but it was not really an issue. Sure there are moments but overall she was old enough to get it - turned 3 right after he was born. She wanted to help and I tried to encourage that idea, that we were a team taking care of baby. I would bf and she would bf her favorite animal too. She always wanted to push his stroller and make him laugh. He was like a big toy. Even though she technically got less attention, in some ways it probably made me sit and listen to her more while baby was nursing or sleeping on me because I tend to always be doing something around the house. Two years later they are best buddies, they fight like all kids but entertain each other so much. We are trying for #3 and I worry again because my son is so wild and probably not as into caretaking, but he's also used to entertaining himself so I think it will work out.
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I didn't really worry about it, because I'm one of 6 and it's just not something I think matters in the long run (to me personally, I mean)....but I think it's very common to have that worry. Most of my friends have!
In our case, our oldest never displayed jealousy or had regressions or anything that people talk about. Months later, when LO2 was mobile and crawling and grabbing toys, it started our current era, where I have to do a bit of refereeing and modeling behaviors, BUT I think those are skills all children need, so I think it's very good for them in the long run to not have all my undivided attention, to learn how to play with each other, to learn how to share toys and facetime with parents.
All in all, it's been the best thing ever. My girls are SO CLOSE. My youngest worships her big sister. She sometimes calls out for big sister in the night! And big sister is the first person she wants to see in the morning and the last person she wants to hug at night. They are really, really cute together.
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@CatchAFallingStar: I think this is a valid concern. My dd was 3.5 when DS was born. She loved him. It has been a rebalancing for us, in terms of her having to share my attention, waiting, etc., but its also a chance to grow our family and all her relationships. DS is nearing 2 and they are playing together more and it just makes my heart feel so full to see them giggling and playing together.
So I think it has been a change that required some adjustment (obviously) but there has been so much more gained than lost.
Good luck ttc!
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I think it depends so much on the age gap and the eldest child's temperament. My daughter was 22 months old when our second daughter was born, and she never showed a moment of jealousy or had really any issue as far as sharing attention. She's always been on the quiet, calm, and shy side of things. Will be interesting to see now this third time around since she will be 4 1/2 and the youngest will be 2 1/2. I'm hoping my oldest will be a good example since my youngest is a little more of a spit-fire.
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@CatchAFallingStar: I can only second what @MamaCate: said So I think it has been a change that required some adjustment (obviously) but there has been so much more gained than lost.
My kids are one of four and the older two love being big siblings and helping with the little kids. We try to give each kid some one on one time but it doesn't always happen. Still everyday at daycare pickup when I bring their siblings they get greeted before I do and they get really jealous if other people want to tend to "their" babies. This lets me think that they gained so much more love by having siblings then just having our love.
Wish you all the best in TTC!
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I was so stressed by this. I felt guilty during my pregnancy because I wasn't excited for having a new baby, I just worried about whether I'd ruined B's life. My fears were unfounded, though. B was 26 months when his little brother was born and we actually didn't have any problems with the transition at all. The two of them love each other like crazy.
It also helped me to remember that I have a little brother two years younger, one of my mom's favourite stories is that when they brought him home I looked at him for a few minutes and then asked that they "take him back to his mommy", and I don't remember anything about when he joined the family, so clearly I wasn't too affected by it.
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I worried about this also and felt guilty for shaking up DS's world at 26 months - but it really didn't phase him at all.
The first night he met her he did say 'take her back'
but by the next morning he wanted to hold her / keep her forever. He loves her almost too much sometimes, but its adorable.
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I really worried about this too, and tbh lo2 is only 3 months and it's still a hard transition, although I don't know how much is just normal threenager behavior since she throws fits at school when she doesn't get her way too! None of her tantrums are geared directly at the baby-- she loves her and is so sweet. But there is a lot of "needing" me "now" when I'm bfing or helping out baby to bed-- huuuge mama preference and tantrums when I can't help her even though I give her lots of 1-on-1 attention
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I wasn't worried. DS was 28 months and just starting to talk. We did go through a hitting phase, particularly hitting little sister. It seems to have worked itself through. DD is only three months though.
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I'm currently going through this transition. DS will be 3 next week and DD is 1 month. I was so scared for DS because he was always use to having DH and my attention. I'll be honest the first two or three weeks were tough. SOOOO yes, this week has been the only week that he's been super chill about his little sister. At first he was throwing fits and getting wild, then he was just trying to love on us (hard) while we had the baby, and now he baby talks to her (he thinks we're silly for baby talking to her) and loves her up. Whose to say it'll stay this way but I'm so happy he's been better about this. I think for me the biggest problem was transitioning from 1 kid to 2! DS's feelings aside, taking on an extra kid is like taking on 5!
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I didn't really worry about this. Tho I didn't get a sister till I was 7, but having siblings is such a natural thing that I know everyone will adjust. DD1 was exactly 2 when baby sister came along; there was definitely a transitional period, it helped that I was very realistic about everyone needing time to adjust.
And I was really upset for a while that my quality time with DD was cut down so drastically... We missed each other so much! But I think as baby gets older, it gets a lot better. I also make sure the time I do have, I use it wisely.
DD1 is almost 2.5 now and she loves her baby sister. She is happy and thriving and I know as DD2 gets older, it will be a better balance!
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@CatchAFallingStar: DD was 4.5 when DS was born. Yes there are times when she feels like she is being left out or she isnt getting the amount of attention she wants. But honestly she loves having a play mate already and I make sure to tell her she will be always the #1 since she came first and is older he will always be #2 because he came second. she likes hearing that. She also likes to be very helpful so we do things together and sometimes i make a point of telling him to wait his turn and putting her first. I also remind her when we get treats that he cant have them yet so she is getting something special that he isnt getting
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I didn't stress about this at all. Like, it was happening, the end. I did savor some one on one time with my first child before the baby came but mostly I worked hard during my pregnancy to get DS1 more independent. Independent play time was a huge thing since I would have to be nursing and tending to a baby.
DH and I never worried about the transition and DS1 ADORED the baby. We never had any behavioral issues about it. They do fight over things and we have some "I want that because the baby has it" stuff but we really haven't had any problems with feeling neglected. If anything having two made us more attentive bc you have to make sure the big kid isn't killing the baby and one parent is always engaging the big one.
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I would literally cry with worry about this. My kids are the same spacing as yours would be. As much as I worried, it all worked out in the end.
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I knew he would be fine in the end, but worried the transition would be difficult for him since he is kind of a high maintenance kid who demands a lot of attention. But the transition actually was not difficult at all. in fact he showed no jealousy until the baby was old enough to start being more interactive and taking toys from him. So around a year. Now he sometimes does baby talk for attention and that kind of thing but really it hasn't been bad at all. He was just about three when the baby was born
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@CatchAFallingStar: DD and D'S are 22 months apart, I worried so much and the new norm and her reaction to DS, I cried on the way to hospital when we left!
But....it has truly been Amazing! DD absolutely loved him and she is now his favorite person at 7 months old!
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I definitely worried and felt so guilty about it but it has worked out great! Watching your kids love each other will be the most amazing thing!
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I was very worried about this, too. Our son was 4 when his little sister was born and he used to comment when I was pregnant that he didn't want a baby in our family and that it wasn't fair because nobody had asked him. We bought him a gift from the baby that was waiting for him when we got home from the hospital and it was a ride-on power wheels car that he had been coveting (he constantly whispers into her ear thank-you's for getting him his "Jeep"
). We also took the suggestion of many and didn't always run to her if he needed something. We would tell her "Wait just a minute, DD, while we help your brother go potty and then we can help you", which made him feel like we weren't always putting her needs first. I think now (after 6 months) he is totally smitten with her. When she slept in this morning, he said at breakfast that he felt sad that she wasn't there with us. It's an adjustment for sure for everyone but I honestly kept telling myself that a sibling really was a gift in the long run. I can't imagine my life without my siblings.
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@Shantuck: Yes, we kept DD home today to have a day with us at water park and she has had fun but has asked to go get her brother
" Let's go get AJ" 10x
but by the next morning he wanted to hold her / keep her forever. He loves her almost too much sometimes, but its adorable.
). We also took the suggestion of many and didn't always run to her if he needed something. We would tell her "Wait just a minute, DD, while we help your brother go potty and then we can help you", which made him feel like we weren't always putting her needs first. I think now (after 6 months) he is totally smitten with her. When she slept in this morning, he said at breakfast that he felt sad that she wasn't there with us. It's an adjustment for sure for everyone but I honestly kept telling myself that a sibling really was a gift in the long run. I can't imagine my life without my siblings.
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