So this anonymous thread was mine. https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/morality-check

Since then, I loaned more money to my brother, came clean to DH, and my brother admitted to further addiction problems and has been in inpatient rehab for 3 months.

The long story is fairly interesting. He continued to tell me he was sick, cried and said that the meds they were giving him weren’t working and that he needed money for new meds and disinfecting materials for his apt. Took him grocery shopping and paid for his groceries. Gave him more money that he claimed he was giving directly to our mom... money I told him I did not have and needed back right away and he promised I would have in a matter of days.... it all culminated with him disappearing for 48 hours. He said he would meet me at our parents house to pay me back and never showed and then didn’t answer his phone for 2 days. He is much more likely to respond with meanness than to ghost, so we were all very concerned. He finally responded and said that he owed a bookie a significant amount of money and that the bookie had shot at his apt. In an effort to hideout he left his phone and couldn’t contact any of us. I was furious that he would gamble when he owed me and our mom money and that he would disappear like that and called him out. He just yelled at me.

This prompted my mom and I to come clean to my dad and DH who are much stricter with my brother. DH was disappointed, but since it was my own money he was not overly angry. My Dad reacted by disinviting my brother from Christmas celebrations... after everyone calmed down, it seemed harsh to cut him out of Christmas and he was reinvited. We all did the good midwestern thing and pretended nothing was wrong. Later that night after my family left, my dad caught my brother stealing money from their change jar.

Eventually, my brothers friend tricked him into coming clean to my parents. He admitted to drug use and they took him to a detox facility that night. He was released from detox to their home and suffered multiple panic attacks. He bought anti anxiety meds off the street because no doctor would prescribe them with his history. My parents also awoke in the middle of the night to him crawling around in their room, looking for money or valuables I assumed. I didn’t find out about this until much later and questioned why they didn’t kick him out right then and there.

He was eventually given an opportunity to enter inpatient treatment paid for by a grant from his detox program. He was diagnosed as bipolar and has begun the process of figuring out a med regiment that works for him. My parents have visited and stay in regular contact but I can’t even ask for updates because my mom speaks so passionately about it and is incapable of separating herself from every step of his recovery. He is still inpatient now. She refuses to attend a support group or go to therapy for herself.

I swore that I would not speak to him until he reached the step of recovery where he accepts blame for his actions and sincerely apologizes... I am livid at him. Livid that he took advantage of our parents and manipulated them for a decade while they thought they were helping. (I’m significantly perturbed at them for enabling him for so long as well) Livid that he continued to take money from me right before Christmas even though I told him I did not have the money to lend indefinitely. Livid at myself for falling for it all. Livid that I don’t have any idea what was a lie and what was the truth. Was he ever sick, was there a bookie, did he give any of the money to our mom?

The problem comes in that he has been invited to Easter at our parents house. My dad asked me if I was ok with it (after the fact) and I said that I wasn’t thrilled but realize no one else has a problem with it... including DH. I just don’t know how to approach any of this. I am so mad, but not capable of being a bitch to his face. I realize he has a mental illness, but can’t reconcile that all of his actions and lies were out of his control. I don’t want to go, but am incapable of hurting my parents that way.

I know this was a novel, but would appreciate any advice on how to get through the day...