Baby girl (14 months) and I spent time with my mom today and it seemed like every other word was a critique of me or baby.
In an hour period, she called the baby 'lazy' for not walking yet, and told her (in a baby voice) about a 13 month old she knew who was walking. She then told me I need to work on her ABCs because she knows a 18 month old who knows her ABCs. Next on the chopping block was my choice to work a lower paying job that gives me more hours with the baby, rather than another job that I would basically get home in time to put her to bed. My mom said I should just admit I was making that choice for me because the baby doesn't care if she spends longer at daycare than home 
And she doesn't think it is a good choice and that isn't what she would choose. The critiques were non stop- what I was feeding the baby, the fact that the baby isn't using a regular cup yet (she uses a straw), and she even swatted the baby's hand (lightly) when she was reaching for something and said I shouldn't let her grab at everything, blah,blah,blah...ARGH!
She has a lot of good qualities and wants to be a good grandma, but she is going to drive me to move far, far away!
Anyone else in this boat?
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Yup, my mom is really critical!
I had to cut back on FaceTime sessions because she always nitpicks everything...the babies, me, my dog,etc!
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Ugh, that sucks!!! If my mom was like that, she wouldn't see me or the baby very often! Sorry you have to deal with that.
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Wow your mom sounds like a real peach!
Sorry you're dealing with this...my mom is sometimes critical of things that I do, but she at least tries to frame it in a "suggestion" way.
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Wow your mom would hate me. My LO didn't walk until 17 months, She's almost two and doesn't know her ABC's though she can repeat the letters after I say them, I make zero money so I can be a SAHM and stay with LO, and I don't give her an open cup yet.
Sorry you have to deal with that, it's hard enough being a parent, we don't need judging and criticizing to go with it!
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Sorry you're dealing with this! I think there would be steam coming out of my ears.
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Ugh... Baby's still inside at this point but my moms super critical as well. She's also super inconsistent though so even if I actually did what she wants it would be the complete opposite the next day so I just ignore her now. But I'm sure she'll be a pleasure to deal with once the baby is here.
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It is kind of embarrassing- I am a 35 year old woman and I can't handle my Mom! Avoidance is my favorite mom-management technique but I probably need to put on my big girl panties and set 'healthy' boundaries or something
The worst is that I take some of her comments to heart and start worrying about baby girl's development, when I know she is fine. Blerg. -
@lizzywiz: ::::hugs:::: DH and I were just talking about something similar. My parents are awesome grandparents. But my mom has a tendency to be really negative about things. DS is really active and he's just like me, not a cuddly bone in his body! My mom is always trying to get him to sit with her and give her a hug, etc. and he's just go-go-go! I've heard her say, "look at so-and-so, she's such a sweet baby. can't you play nice like her?" when she's talking about a non-mobile 9 month old and my DS is 19 months and all over the place.
And we're really big about trying to get creative instead of saying no. We either redirect or tell him "stop", etc. She follows him around the house going, "no, J.. noo.. no no no!" like 24/7. Drives me nuts! -
@lizzywiz: I am in the process of setting boundaries with my mom . . . and I am 38.
I had dealt with my mom being critical/dismissive until I got pg and had LO (she is 10 months), and then I started drawing *lines*. It really sucks! It is a sad day when you realize that but for the fact that someone is one of your parents, that you really don't like who they are as a person (in some/most respects). I am at the point where I will do anything to protect my LO from the negativity and criticism of my mom . . . talk about bringing out the mama bear!
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Ugh, that sucks! I'd go nuts. Thankfully my mom is super supportive and open to the non-traditional parenting ideas we have. My stepmother-in-law on the other hand... She has no kids of her own, and they only got married 4 years ago so she had no role in raising DH and his siblings. At Christmas she told my just under 2yo niece to "stop being such a baby" when she cried. I kept my mouth shut, but when that's my LO, she's going to get an earful if she pulls that kind of crap.
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So sorry you have to deal with that
Is she receptive to a conversation about it, framed in a way she could stomach? Like 'It makes me feel _____ when you say ____ to DD.' Just don't do what I did. My MIL is super critical and I was passive, passive, passive til I finally lost my mind and told her to STFU and get out of my house -
I would cut grandma time if my mom was that critical. My mom makes comments once in awhile when we're Skyping, like she's hungry, even if she isn't. I'm noticeably annoyed when she does. If she'd ever compare my child to anyone else, I would outright tell her to keep her thoughts to herself!
My mom is very outspoken and sometimes just says things without thinking. If I lived closer to her, I know she'd have a harder time keeping quiet and I would be really annoyed. I hope you work it out soon with her. It's a tough situation to be in
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@grizz: Your MIL had it comin' . . . #justsayin. Also, it totally blows my mind that grown ass adults who have children of their own seem to be completely incapable of (1) self-control with regard to comments and their own selfish interests, and (2) remembering that IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM. *augh*
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Wow, this was only my second post on Hellobee and you guys are all so supportive!
@MsLipGloss: Any examples of how you set boundaries with her?
@rachiecakes: The 'no' thing happens with us, too. Non-stop no-nos.
@grizz: I kinda like the STFU option
@Crumbs: Cutting her time is tempting but I don't think I am ready for the fight that would ensue...yet.
It is so nice to know I am not alone with this problem!
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@lizzywiz: It started when I was pg . . . I had a complicated pregnancy (pre-term labor, amnio leak, and a horrific unplanned induction), and all she ever did was dismiss what happened as *normal* (she actually said "you're not special, you just need to get over yourself" in response to my horrific swelling and unplanned induction at 38 weeks . . . which she still thinks I somehow *planned* because I was *tired* of being pregnant . . . WTF?! I basically had no amnio fluid left and there were decels in LO's heart rate . . . I digress.)
When she would start in on me (over the phone), I would tell her that (1) the conversation was no longer helpful or constructive, and (2) that I understood what she was trying to tell me, but that I was getting off the phone because our conversation was upsetting to me. It didn't go over well, but I never hung up on her, I would give her a very calm warning that I was going to end the conversation, say I love you and will talk to you later, but I am going to hang up the phone now, and then I would hang up.
I have also done it in person a couple of times, one being right after we brought LO home from the hospital. If this were a gold thread, I would elaborate more, but just in case . . .
FWIW, after the first time I started to set boundaries with her, it has gotten easier every time to assert myself. And I don't feel guilty about it because I know in my heart that it really is what I need to do to keep myself and my LO (emotionally) *safe* if that makes sense.
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@MsLipGloss: It makes complete sense and thanks so much for sharing!
I had dealt with my mom being critical/dismissive until I got pg and had LO (she is 10 months), and then I started drawing *lines*. It really sucks! It is a sad day when you realize that but for the fact that someone is one of your parents, that you really don't like who they are as a person (in some/most respects). I am at the point where I will do anything to protect my LO from the negativity and criticism of my mom . . . talk about bringing out the mama bear!
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