Ok here's the problem. DH & I have fallen in love with a name. If we have a boy we 99% want to use it. The issue is we heard the name from DH's workmate who were going to use it if they had a boy (they had a girl) . we are friends with them ( not close, but still friends) I have not heard this name anywhere else but it is in baby name books.
We are going to ask if they mind if we use it as I think that's the polite thing to do, but what if they say no? Eeeek! Obviously they don't own the name but still!
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I think the name etiquette rules really only apply to siblings....and even then, I think there is a big gray area. Personally, I wouldn't bother even mentioning that you like the name - if you have a boy, go ahead and use it. As they're not super close friends, nor family, I cannot see them saying "hey, we were going to use that name!" If they have a boy in the future and use the same name, it won't be a big deal.
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See, I know what this name is and it's SO unusual that I think you at least need to tell them that you are considering it. Not ask, necessarily (nobody owns names) but mention that you are thinking of using it and maybe add an "I didn't think you'd mind...." (then move on quick before they say that they do mind! Lol).
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Ask them, they won't say no I'm sure of it.
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@Cherrybee: haha it's not the first boy name I mentioned on here a while ago.... But it IS uncommon.
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@Mrs squirreld: Ahh, really?? So you've stolen someone else's name as well?? Giggle - I'm only joking!
Oh, now I need to know what it is.......
I might wanna steal it, too!!
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We had an awesome girls name and have a boy. DH's coworker's wife was due less than a month after me. They used our girl's name for their second girl. So, if we have a girl as our second LO, I'm keeping my favorite name quiet.
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@Cherrybee: I'll tell you if you have a girl!! Hahahhaha
I do still like Saul but I like it pronounced soul and I think it would confuse people. This new name is waay better and we both love it!!! 
are you team green or you gonna find out? You must be close??!
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@cascademom: so you wouldn't use the name they used?? Can I ask why?
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@Mrs squirreld: DH still works there. It would look like we were taking their name, not the other way around. We're both okay with going another name in the future. We mutually agreed on that.
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@cascademom: oh so they didn't hear the name from you? So just coincidence that they picked it?
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@Mrs squirreld: we're not really sure. We were disappointed when we found out the name. They don't have the same connection to the name that we did, I know that.
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People are very protective of their children's names. What if you ask for 'permission' and they say no? You're still going to name your son it anyway, so why bother asking? I'd maybe mention it, so they are prepared. But, thats where your politeness ends! I hope we learn the name!
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@derevival: urgh see this is my exact dilemma if they said no, I think I would feel way too guilty to use it
I feel guilty already and we haven't even asked yet.
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@Mrs squirreld: I said I'd ask and use it anyways, but that isn't exactly accurate. Instead of asking, I'd tell them that we heard that name from them and like it so much that we're intending to use it too. Hopefully they will feel flattered. You could always toss in a comment about having such a positive association with the name because of how much you respect and admire them. Flattery may help.
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@Mrs squirreld: I'm hoping we will find out TOMORROW! Eek! How about you? Are you going to find out?? We have a girl's name but not a boy's name (it was the other way round a couple of weeks ago but DH has gone off the boy's name, sob sob. Miles is cute, right???).
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@Mrs squirreld: I would not feel guilty! Do it! I think you'd regret it more not using the name. But, if you think the guilt will be too bad, then don't do it.
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If you really love the name that much, I would just use it. Since you're not that close to these people anyway, you may not be friends forever but your LO will be carrying the name forever and you don't want to settle for a lesser name. I would probably give them a heads up as a courtesy though. Maybe closer to your due date?
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@Cherrybee: omg!!! I'm going to be glued to the boards tomorrow!!!!! How exciting!! I bet it's a girl
we are definatley going to find out! I can't wait! and yes I love the name miles too but my DH doesn't either!!
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@NerdBee: hmmm this is my thought. DH will be transferred before baby is due so we won't be working with them anymore anyways, but we do have mutual friends who are very close
I guess it's not really an issue until we find out the sex of our baby!
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@Cherrybee: ahhhhh! So exciting! I hope you find out and are happy with the news!
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@Mrs squirreld: Every single person who has guessed has said girl!!!
So, back to your name dilemma - I forgot you're going to be thousands of miles away from them by the time your baby is born. Meh - use the name and stop worrying!! I wouldn't even bother mentioning it!!!!
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@Cherrybee: haha you best post on here ASAP!!
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what i might do is mention it to them that you are using it and acknowledge that you know they were going to use it too, so they don't think you "stole" it...but don't ask their permission either.
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I had two coworkers pregnant around the same time. The first had her son and named him Amari. The second about 5 months later had a daughter and named her Kamari.
My friend (Amari's mom) was MADDDD. And they weren't even friends. But she was more mad that she sort of "stole it" but didn't attribute it to her. Granted, it's a rare name. How common/rare is yours in general?
My vote is NOT to ask them. It's a name, and it's a coworker, not a lifelong friend. You might tell them politely ahead of time, even if you have to manufacture where it was from (DH was almost named that and we've always loved it for a future son!) just so they feel like you are aware, you're not backhandedly stealing it, and you are acknowledging that it's the same. By not asking though, you let them prepare without giving them power.
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No one has dibs on names-permission is not necessary. Just let the other couple know you are considering the name too if you fear any " you stole my name" backlash.
A friend of mine has a daughter who shares the same name as another friend's daughter and both girls are very close in age. Neither mom felt compelled to change their favorite name.
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Don't ask and don't mention.
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You want to use this name so, you use it. It's a co-worker, it's not like his brother is using the name for their child. That's my opinion, at least.
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I would tell them in advance. If you heard the name from them (and you did, in this case), it's the right thing to do.
Just like if they were getting married and told you about a great, unique venue and caterer they found and then you got married first and used that venue and caterer...it's awkward, since probably the reason they like that name is that no one else they know has it.
It will take a little of the specialness away to have to be the second person in their office to use that name (in the future), so you should let them know in advance, to avoid awkward feelings.
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I say just use it! I don't think anyone gets a monopoly on a name, unless they actually made it up or something. I don't even think you need to ask them. If it's your favorite, it's your favorite. It would be unreasonable for someone to expect you to not use your favorite name just because their child was born before yours. FYI I'm saying this knowing that my five months pregnant cousin is planning on using our favorite boy name if she has a boy, haha, so I feel your pain!
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@Cherrybee: Agreed, if you aren't going to be close to them when the baby is born then use it, if you aren't that close with them you might not even consider it an issue in 5 years!
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@Mrs squirreld: will the kids be going to school together?? If not, then I am with @T.H.O.U. on the dont ask dont mention.
I think its fine. If it is a good name they have to know that other people are going to hear it and want to use it...
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@Mrs squirreld: For what it's worth, I don't think Saul is particularly unusual. I don't hear it often, but my first thought on hearing that name would be "These guys like Paul (the author of the Pauline epistles/Saul of Tarsus)." (There's also a King Saul in the OT.) Is your new name biblical too? I feel that biblical names are fair game, even if they're not in wide circulation at the moment.
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@honeybear: the new name is a mythology name
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This is a toughie and I'm not sure what I would do. Maybe just go ahead with planning to name your child what you want as if you had no idea what this couple would have named their son if they had one and who is to say that they will ever have a son, you know? The only names that I consider "reserved" are those of really close friends who have told me their plans and I automatically just take those off of the list.
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@littlebittyhouse: no we are moving away so they wouldn't be in the same workplace anymore and who's to say they will even have a boy. But I just feel weird since I heard the name from them.
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@Mrs squirreld: it's so hard because like you say, they don't own the name, but it might make them feel better about it if you at least broach it with them. Our LO's name is very unusual and when she was born SIL's coworker loved it when SIL announced our news at work and said she wanted to use it and I will admit I was annoyed but I also know I had no right to be. The name you give your LO will last the rest of their life and that's more important than hurt feelings. Also, did you only learn about the name from them or baby name books? That would make a difference to how I handled it...
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@travelgirl1: first heard of it when they said what they would name their baby if it was a girl and what they would name their baby if it was a boy. I later saw it in books when I researched it. I will admit though that they don't know that. I said I loved the name when she told me... I never said to her that I hadn't heard it before?
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@Mrs squirreld: Well, now my wheels are spinning!
Greek? Roman? Norse? I still think names with a really strong literary tie are in the public domain, so to speak.
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@honeybear: Norse
I might wanna steal it, too!!
I do still like Saul but I like it pronounced soul and I think it would confuse people. This new name is waay better and we both love it!!! 
are you team green or you gonna find out? You must be close??!
I feel guilty already and we haven't even asked yet.
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