I have posted a lot about this but it appears that B is biting again. He bites when children try and take his toys away. We are working REALLY REALLY HARD with him on his words... does anyone have any suggestions... I feel like we have tried everything (please don't post if you are going to write judgemental mean things about biting being evil and my son needing to be kicked out of daycare.)
Update: he's 23 months old
squash / 13208 posts
how old is he?
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
@Mamaof2: I updated, 23 months
pear / 1998 posts
I don't have any suggestions, but I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this! It must be really hard.
Does the daycare have any suggestions?
pineapple / 12234 posts
Uggggh. E broke B's skin yesterday it was the first time she's ever bitten but still, I'm following this!
squash / 13208 posts
Have his teachers tried shadowing him to catch him before he bites?
What do they do when he bites?
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
@Mamaof2: They have started shadowing him. It's very clear his triggers. They are working on using his words and when other kids say "no, thank you" he needs to walk away and find a new toy. We also read a No biting book every night. He knows all the words. he even tells our dogs "no bite". I just don't think he's putting it all together yet.
pomegranate / 3858 posts
I have no advice right now - S has started biting her hand or the couch when she gets frustrated, so I'm afraid we're heading that direction. I hope you get some good advice or that he moves through this phase quickly!
pomegranate / 3759 posts
Oh no! I would never say a kid is evil or even 'bad' for biting! I think its a normal developmental behaviour. I have no advice but I just wanted you to not feel judged!
squash / 13208 posts
Its sounds like you are doing everything right and he just needs a little more time. My DS was a biter at that age too - he bit 8 times - I was freaking out and didn't know what to do. Teachers shadowed him, we read books about not biting, they gave him a toy he could bite, etc. Then one day it just stopped - like it finally all sunk in!
Just hang in there - I know its super stressful ~hugs~
apricot / 456 posts
Oh man, my son was a biter for months around 10-14 months and for a two month period we had an incident report every week. He's just about to turn 2 this month and I hope he doesn't revert back but even now when he gets very very mad or frustrated with us he'll try to bite.
The only thing I can suggest is to continue with what you're doing and acknowledge that he is angry and that he should use his words and not bite. Maybe suggest he do an angry dance where he stomps his feet instead of biting? I think that's what Hands Are Not For Hitting suggests. We also read Teeth Are Not For Biting continuously at our house.
GOLD / pomegranate / 3688 posts
Your child is clearly evil and needs to be kicked out of daycare. Really? People say that to you??!?!? Wow.
In all seriousness, physical responses (biting, kicking, hitting) are sooooo common when kids have difficulty expressing frustration or anger (totally legit emotions) and need an immediate response. I am sure your daycare provider has a lot of good advice on this, but a lot of what I have read/heard about focuses on giving kids this age a specific set of instructions/commands to use when they feel frustrated or angry. I believe it goes something like, "stop," "no thank you," and "walk away now." It's not nice/considerate language, but it allows toddlers to use words rather than actions. Not sure if any of this is helpful or not - but I think the biggest thing is that you ARE working on it. It's going to take time. And, really, people who live in glass houses...
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
Do you talk to him about "Gentle Touches". Show him by stroking your cheeks or arms with his hands? Maybe just a way to still physical respond to the situation.
We talk a lot about teether are for eating and smiling, hands are for hugging and high fives.
persimmon / 1363 posts
No advice, other than Aha Parenting posted an article about preschool and biting yesterday that said pretty much exactly what you're already doing! Sounds like he just needs a wee bit more time to put it together. I have no idea who would be judgemental of your child's totally normal developmental stage! It could happen to any parent!
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I wish I had suggestions! M has bitten a few times (always within 48 hours of someone else biting her first) but I never know what to do about it because she doesn't do it at home... so how am I supposed to address it?? Does B seems to have problems with specific children that tend to pick on him/try to take things from him? Maybe the teachers could just try to keep them separate?
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@littlek: Can you train your LO to perform another specific action when someone takes his things? The "incompatible behavior" trick is pretty incredible at getting toddlers to stop doing things:
coconut / 8498 posts
Sorry you're dealing with this :(. It's hard at this age and I don't at all think an almost 2 year old biting reflects parenting. I think consistency is key. You and daycare folks need to have the same response every time. It will help him make the "no biting" connection more quickly. Then wait it out :(. He will understand soon. LO doesn't bite, but she definitely has other undesirable ways of expressing her anger. Teaching her to take a deep breath before talking about it actually helped more than I ever imagined.
nectarine / 2667 posts
@littlek: Biting is so stressful - you are worried that kids are hurt, but upset/worried that your child is struggling, and wondering what others must think of you. Well, biting says nothing about your parenting skills! What are his triggers? In my experience (working with 2s in a daycare), it's really hard to replace the biting with words. Toddlers know the words, but when they are feeling so emotional they don't often have enough self-control to remember and use them. It's good they're shadowing him and hopefully they can intervene as soon as a trigger comes up to talk him through it. It's absolutely great to do everything outside of the situation (reading books, giving him words, acknowledging his feelings), but an adult mediating right in the moment is most effective for stopping the biting from happening.
I like mrbee's suggestion of giving him a replacement behavior. So, if he's angry that he can't use a toy and wants to bite, a teacher could offer a stress ball to squeeze or a thick crayon so he could scribble hard on a piece of paper to physically let go of his frustration.
I think one of the bees had a post a while back about using social stories/puppets to help their child practice appropriate behavior. I know we use them with kindergarteners, but I'm not sure if there are any that are appropriate for toddlers. Maybe that's worth looking into if the biting continues?
honeydew / 7811 posts
@littlek: I have no experience but does your LO like books? This one looks cute http://www.amazon.com/Little-Dinos-Dont-Bite-Michael/dp/1404875360/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399571690&sr=8-1&keywords=little+don%27t+bite
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
C bites, but she's kind of slow moving on her vocabulary so I'm thinking she just can't express herself well enough yet. She's almost 18 months, so I'm not going to assume she can fully communicate yet, but its hard! Daycare shadows and kids bite her too so she learns that it isn't pleasant. I'm hoping she can grow out of it as she's finally starting to have a language burst over the last few weeks.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I had meant to reply earlier, but I forgot...anyway.....
One thing that worked for my son was to have him be in charge of distributing things to his friends at daycare. It got him out of the power struggle situations, which I belive is what a lot of biting behaviour results from.
grapefruit / 4235 posts
@littlek: Just wondering if you ever found a solution that worked for you? L is the biter in his classroom right now and I feel awful. At this point I've tried everything I can think of short of physically responding to his bite. I have been asked to meet with the director this week to go over the logs and their policy. (I initiated this conversation last week.) I just downloaded "NO BITING" which has been recommended in a couple of different forums I've found. I know it sucks to have your kid bitten - it has happened to L - but it also sucks to have your kid being the serial biter.