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I'm one and done I don't think there are many of us left lol, and I mostly just lurk on the boards every now and then, bit I saw this and decided to post. I had PPD and PPA and I can NEVER do that again. I have two sisters and we fought soooo much growing up. We're closer now but we don't have any special bond, so my son not having siblings has never bothered me. Honestly I've never felt theyre are any cons to only having one which has really helped cement my one and done status.

Me! I was never sure I wanted kids, and my husband comes from a large family that causes him a lot of stress so we decided early on that we wanted only one child. LO is now 3, and a delight and people ask me all the time when we will give her a sibling. I always respond with, “We never planned on having more than one child, and as much as we love her, nothing about this process has inspired us to change our minds.” My pregnancy was unexpectedly medically complex and and LO has been a terrible sleeper from day 1, and while DH and I have talked extensively about another child, we both feel completely confident in our decision not to have another.

As for perks, there’s the fact that we can financially and practically live the life we want, which would be a challenge with more than one. Additionally, I’m very invested in my career and I work a lot. With one LO, I can give her all the time and attention I want her to have while maintaining a focus on my career. I can’t envision being able to have that with more than one.

I can’t think of any cons. LO has 12 cousins (so far!) and is daycare full time so she’ll have plenty of long term family support and is well socialized. My best friend for decades has a daughter 5 days younger than mine, so we’re crossing our fingers that they will be lifelong friends like we are!

@Elizabear: I'm a big believer in bonds are where you make them, as I also have a childhood friend that's been in my life forever. She's more family to me then most of my family. I should add for those who don't know DS is autistic so there is that added factor in the decision. DH would love to have another but at the same time our marriage realllly struggled while I was in the throws of PPD and I don't think he ever wants to go through that again either lol. The older DS gets and the easier he gets, the more we're both happy with just him.

Yes, just one here. I had PPA, I feel like I have PTSD from the newborn phase, and we're already exhausted from working full time and having one.

I'm not particularly close to my sibling, and feel much closer to my friends. I'm mostly worried that DD will be spoiled (especially with attention).

Just wanted to chime in and say that I have three siblings and my lifelong best friend who I grew up with is an only child, and we were both always so envious of the other. So don’t worry that your kid will be upset not to have siblings because the grass is always greener and having them means you sometimes wish you didn’t.

@Elizabear: Us! DS is almost 2.5 and we’ve always known he was it. The resistance IRL is real. As someone else said, people want to jump right in with a counter to our reasons - like it affects anyone else??

Pros: Our marriage is just recovering from our son. We both work in demanding careers full time. We have no local family or help. We have (and always foresee having) four or so pets. We built our dream house for our son and us - our two bedrooms are the same size! Ha! We want to be able to travel, have money for extras, and get him the best education we can afford.

Cons: I have two sisters and we are not at all close so I could not care less about the sibling argument. To me that’s total chance if they’ll get along. That said I LOVED the little baby phase and I really am sad to never have that again.

@Elizabear: Totally agree! He’s in a great daycare now and he adores it. He made two little friends whose parents have also become our close friends and we are so thankful for that!

I still feel pangs of wanting a second (or maybe just to be pregnant!), but most days I also think to myself "THIS is why we will only have one!". The reasons are everything from being able to snuggle my toddler without a baby interrupting, only have 1 kid to chase/help/carry/take shopping, not dividing my time/attention, getting back to sleeping through the night, being able to fit in one row on nearly any flight, & having crappy insurance premiums/coverage now that I'm SAH... Also, I am madly in love with my DD, but she & I really have a lot of clashes. I just don't have the mental energy (or physical energy) to deal with 2, despite having an enjoyable pregnancy & newborn stage. Toddlerhood is where the wheels came off for me. I had a very demanding professional life before LO & now SAH, so the change to my life as I knew it was day & night. I'd like to get back to work once she goes to school & I just don't want to restart that clock. We also think we may go live abroad during her childhood & we picture that as an adventure for the 3 of us. Another child could derail that plan for us as the logistics & cost of living both in the time before doing that & actually doing it would be limiting, we believe.

Me! My daughter will be 5 in a couple of months, and like everyone else, I get the "when is she getting a sibling" all the time. DH could definitely have another, but I'm 37, and I took a long time to come around to having kids anyway (and then we had 2 years of TTC issues), and really haven't had any desire to have another.

Pits for us is that we don't have much of a village so I too worry about her growing up lonely. We live in a super transient area, so people move in and out all the time, and people with young kids tend to be the ones who move out most frequently because it's a high COL area, and most people are from somewhere else, so they want to be closer to their families elsewhere. We lost 3 sets of friends that way in just the last year. We get a lot of pressure to move closer to our families, about 5 hours away, but we love where we live and don't really see that happening barring any major life changes. We do miss being close to our parents, though, because kiddo has a great relationship with them, and it's a bummer to only have that a few times a year. I'm hoping we can build more of a community once she starts kindergarten and we hopefully sell our condo and move to a more suburban area with more settled families.

Pros: we love to travel, and want to have resources to do that once she gets a little older. Now that she's getting older, we have more time to ourselves to be adults. We didn't manage life very well when she was a baby, and really lost ourselves and our marriage in that, so coming back to that has been really important and impactful. We're also pretty invested in our careers, and like having the flexibility to pursue those interests.

I am one and done! I only briefly glanced at the comments above.... DS is 6 now, and thank GOD I very seldomly (or never) get the "when is DS going to get a brother/sister" comment. I must look too old for reproduction lol

While I would very much like DS to have a sibling, I just don't think physically I can handle it. DH also didn't want any children to begin with, so it is sort of a "compromise" to be one and done.

Pros:
The challenges of them growing up. I don't know how people do it, but how do you have a 3 year old AND a newborn together? I barely survived DS's baby stage.

Two different sets of schedules + possible strains on your marriage: Say one has to go to ballet class and one has to go to soccer practice, you and your partner basically has to divide and conquer all the time. Life becomes a bunch of chores that you are bound to run separately with your partner. It feels like that will eventually take a toll on the relationship, and you'd need extra efforts on making sure you nourish your marriage. For now, DH and I would go to DS's baseball practice together amongst a lot of other things.

Then the 2+ sets of "involvements" at school! The volunteering, mystery readers, 100 day shirt, the "all about me" posters, the volunteering at class parties...etc. will be doubled or tripled.

And then it also comes down to my abilities. Maybe I am not as capable as a lot of other moms with 2+ kids, but I feel like I can't juggle with my job, my child, my husband, cooking, my pet, and THEN a 2nd child. My cat passed away last year. While I really wanted to get another cat, I consciously couldn't allow myself do that because I wasn't even able to take good care of my cat since the birth of DS. Let alone a 2nd human being.

DH has 2 brothers and he is never close to them. They never visit each other or talk to each other unless something really comes up. The legendary sibling companionship isn't a certain fact.

And the 2+ sets of $$$ expenses....

Cons:
Siblings. I am a single child myself. I am pretty much fine without one, but it feels like it will forever be an invisible hole there.

I always heard from my friends with 2+ kids that when it is easy, having 2 kids will be like having 0.5 kids because both of them entertain and play with each other. DS often make us (me) play with him on Uno, Scrabbles...etc.

For a different perspective: I am an only child and loved it! I asked my mom, and she confirmed that I never asked for a sibling when I was young or seemed lonely. I thought it was awesome. We traveled a lot, I spent tons of time with my parents, and I think I was well equipped to interact with adults in a professional environment earlier on because I was used to interacting with adults/being the youngest person in the room.

On the downside, being the only child with aging parents who have ever-increasing medical needs is tough. But there is no guarantee that a sibling would be willing to help me out anyway. However, this aspect is *really* hard to handle sometimes , especially because I also have two very small children.

@GoGoSnoGirl: I think it's a combo of the kid's personality and ours. My DD is a pretty chill toddler, and I much prefer hanging out with someone I can actually talk to.

We're going to South America - it'll only be for a few months, but I'm so excited!

@GoGoSnoGirl: I'll think about it. I'm pretty concerned about online privacy, though (hence the decision to say South America instead of the particular country).

@looch: Just lurking here out of curiosity (we already have more than one) but that can totally easily happen even with 2+. It has more to do with the parents dropping what they're doing and trying to get things for the kid/s asap, or at least that's my take on it.... since we have still struggled with this kind of thing and we have more than one. (Eta, I'm sure you already knew all of that..just putting it out there.. I am sorry to anyone who has been told their kid would be spoiled because they are an only child!)

I'm an only child, so I can list some of the pros and cons from my own experience.

Pros - I am an introvert, so I didn't mind spending a lot of time to myself. I think it fostered creativity and independence, since I would learn how to entertain and do things for myself. It was easier to do things like travel, and I was fortunate to spend a couple summers in Europe and go on other trips I may not have been able to go on had there been a sibling. My home was a peaceful place growing up, since there were no sibling fights or arguments. I got all the attention and didn't have to share my toys with anyone.

Cons - I don't have a sibling who shared my life experience with me and can understand me in a way a friend won't. If I talk about an event from my childhood, nobody else was there with me except for the adults in my home. It's a different perspective. I have made good friends in my life, but a lot of them move away or we lose contact for other reasons, and then before I know it, we haven't spoken in years. I feel like with a sibling, we would have frequent contact throughout our lives and it would be nice to have that with someone besides a parent or extended family member. Another thing to note - I married someone with 2 brothers, but they aren't at a place in their lives where they are having children. Our kids are growing up with no cousins, which makes me a little sad. My BILs aren't involved in our kids' lives either, so I feel like they are missing out on having extended family relationships.

Me! We’re a happy family of three and it’s not going to change. I get pressured on the daily to have more, so that can be annoying. But in reality, I had a really hard time getting pregnant, I had horrible PPA, and now I’m too old. Haha. But honestly I don’t think I have the patience nor the desire to parent more than one child and I don’t know why so many people find that strange. I guess that is part of living in the suburbs .... I don’t think people would question it if we were in an urban city.