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Hm. Baby wearing, cloth diapers, and BLW are all pretty common in my real life. But I only know one other mom that didn't circumcise her son. I don't know anyone who doesn't do Santa. I know nobody who doesn't vaccinate (I work in the medical field, so that may have something to do with it).
And I know nobody who uses the terms dear husband/son/daughter!
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$$$!!
I feel like most people here are very affluent. I was going to do a post on having a third kid even though we can't afford to buy a minivan right now....but I didn't really want to hear about how we shouldn't have another kid unless we've already maxed out our 401ks, paid off our student loans and had 100k in checking. (Exaggerating, obviously, but sometimes the financial advice comes from people in very different places!! Not that we aren't doing okay, but we had kids right out of grad school so we were not as established as other parents here). IRL I don't know anyone who has new everything, eats out multiple times a week, buys boutique chidrens' clothes.
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@jedeve: Same.
We likely won't be paying for our kids' college educations and we don't have one of those 529 (or whatever) accounts.
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@mediagirl: I think there is difference between NTNP and TTC but a pregnancy shouldn't be a surprise in either case!
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The main thing that stands out is that a lot of HB (especially the most prolific posters) is very affluent compared to those my daily life.
I have IRL friends that NTNP - I don't think they use the actual phrase, but when we have shared how we got pregnant, they will say that was their experience as well (or vice versa).
@runnerd: Yes - I think I have been very much in the minority with keeping LO on a nap schedule. Most people I know just took their infant around and let them sleep when they fell asleep and stay awake when they wanted to be awake. LO did not just "drift off" so we never really were able to do that but I also think I got a false sense of the importance of a nap schedule from the Internet. Next time I will be a bit more chill about it if the baby is down for it.
@Zbug: Yes! I don't think even flight attendants know the whole "controversy." They always say something about, "Oh, isn't it nice to have her contained?" And a couple times I have said, "Oh, yeah, and it's nice peace of mind for safety too." And they will kind of look at me puzzled. I feel like they are thinking, "Um, in a plane crash that car seat is not saving your kid." Haha! (I bring the car seat now that LO is 2. We were definitely on that lap baby train before 2!)
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Not believing. It blows my mind.
Pricy gear stuff.
paying for LOs higher education. That is COMPLETELY a middle-class thing. Sorry, but true. -
@sera_87: not believing what?
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I'm with the PBK chair crowd! I wouldn't be surprised if some friends had them, but they're not a topic of conversation.
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HB pretty much mirrors parenting in my area. Most people I know BF, baby wear, cloth diaper, etc. They just opened another Hanna Andersson store so they're obviously doing well in this area, lol. Just about everyone I know has a fancy stroller.
The only difference is probably the square footage but most moms here move to the 'burbs. -
If anything, THIS thread is making me realize the parenting diversity within my group of IRL friends!
Probably the one thing I've found present on here but not IRL is the stuff associated with actively TTC (charting, opks, obsessively analyzing pregnancy test lines, etc). Or maybe these things are just too personal to get into face to face!
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BLW, baby sign language. I've heard of these things, having lived in NYC and now in the suburbs of, but don't know anyone personally who does either.
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Interesting thread! I think a lot of things may not come up IRL because I don't obsessively talk about parenting/kid stuff with my IRL friends. HB is the place to do this so more things will come up naturally.
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I don't think any of my IRL friends even wanted to attempt an unmedicated birth. We're all epidural-lovers.
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I don't know anyone IRL obsessed with baby gap or PBK.
The level of obsession with talking about $$$ generally. I actually don't think most of HB is that well off. There is just a group of ppl who tie everything back to income, and constantly remind others how well off they are. No one I know IRL, and especially none of the people making legit bank, do this.
Most everything else I've seen or heard of IRL, though some things are more common than others.
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@oliviaoblivia: Yes to the car seats!
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@BandDmommy: Yes with NTNP, but now thinking of it
I think if I track my cycles and BD more for the sake of O day then just to get it on we are TTC
Rather than NTNP in my mind....but yes it is kinda TTC as well! -
Wow, so interesting to read all this!!!
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@rachiecakes: funny I don't know anyone around here who cloth diapers! But yes to baby wearing, fancy strollers, BF to around a year being totally the norm.
I have never discussed Anywhere Chairs with my friends but I think about half of them have them- and I think most were gifts from grandparents.
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@Foodnerd81: CD is becoming big in my area
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@yoursilverlining: I agree on all counts!
I also don't know anyone who is into PB in real life. I think modern/ Scandinavian is more of the style here, plus people have unique stockings (handcrafted, local, fair trade, all different). There seems to be a PB stocking craze up in here.
@jedeve: well you can always talk to me!
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@Greentea: oh yeah that reminded me: obsession with Xmas stockings and matching stockings! That one's a head scratcher.
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@lawbee11: yes to this! Everyone I know irl thought it was crazy that I didn't want an epidural.
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@Meowkers: in Santa/tooth fairy/Easter bunny etc.
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@jedeve: completely agree! Financially i am so out of place here.
irl i dont know many ppl who live extravagantly and such. We will eventually have a third without all those "necessities" and they will be fine
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@jedeve: agreed! Most people I talk to IRL are concerned about saving and try to cut back where they can. Sometimes it seems like HBers have an unlimited budget. BTW, 3 is doable without a minivan--we did it for awhile with narrow car seats!
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@sera_87: can you elaborate on the comment you wrote about paying for college being a middle class thing?
This site isn't my first message board, so I've heard of most of the stuff on this site. I like to read about different ways of doing things though, sometimes it changes my views.
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@Foodnerd81: when I had J I was given a few referrals for diaper services, since we don't have laundry lol
And was gifted a few CDs (I used a couple for the beach).
I had to answer "no, I'm not cloth diapering" a few times!
(I live too close to Cambridge haha) -
I just thought of another... nannies! I don't know anyone who has one IRL. Maybe they aren't as common in Canada? Everyone I know, aside fr my cousin WOH in two income families. Almost everyone takes advantage of the one year may leave, and go back to work afterwards, putting their child in daycare, unless they are lucky enough to have grandparents nearby and willing to take care of the kiddos. I'd never even heard of a nanny-share before HB. I guess I always assumed nannies were a rich people's luxury (thinking of Fran D. in The Nanny), or a European thing. I've started to realize that they are more accessible to us regular joes and janes, especially as I am now faced with how expensive daycare is!
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@sera_87: I'm middle class (I think?) and we are not paying for their education unless we're rollin' in dough by the time they get to college! I think we're lower middle class..I'm not sure the brackets.
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@jedeve: same! I withheld a lot of posts when I wanted to say "I can be a good parent without paying 2x my mortgage into savings, too!"
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@Jedeve: @SorryCharlie: @Sera87: Forgive me for piping in here, as I'm not sure I've seen the same posts. I know I haven't seen anything to suggest that people shouldn't have kids until they can "afford" it. I've found the HB community to be very inclusive, and with a few exceptions not relating to money, to be not judgemental hardly at all.
I know there was a thread awhile back about financial plans for 2016. I responded to say we'd recently gotten a financial planner (which is free to us, btw). We are in our mid-30s and want to make sure that we plan properly for our retirement. We are also taking out a small educational account for LO, because the government will match it, and it works out to be almost tax-free when he takes it out. We aren't putting gobs of money into it, only the money that the govt gives every month to Canadians with children and monetary gifts. We fully believe in living within our means, but also don't have any student loans. We've certainly travelled a lot this year, mostly to visit family, but also a budget/airmiles trip that coincided with DH's work, so it was a fraction of what we would have paid (also wouldn't have managed such a trip for many years).
All that is to say, that sometimes people's perceptions in an online environment don't always meet reality. Granted, DH and I are more established in our careers because we are older, and I would probably say that we are now middle to upper-middle class. We don't eat out very often, and aside from the $$ car seat and $ stroller, we haven't purchased very much for LO. We are minimalists, but also have a large family and friends, that have handed down. Most clothes have been new (Walmart and Carters) only because family seems to keep buying them!
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@Astro Bee: I'm in Toronto and most folks here have nannies because it's more cost effective than paying for two in daycare. Daycare is ~$1900/kid, a nanny is ~$2,500.
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@OliviaOblivia: Ah, good to know. I definitely see it as a more affordable option for 2+ kids, where I wouldn't have before. I still don't know anyone in Ottawa or my hometown who has one, though.
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I think this thread just goes to show that IRL we surround ourselves with people who are pretty similar to us, whereas HB is a much larger cross-section of the population (and world). I don't think that had to be as negative as it is sounding in this thread!
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@Astro Bee: it was awhile ago - probably a year or more now. There were several threads that touched upon not having more children in regards to affording paying more than min on mortgage, putting into college savings, retirement savings, etc. etc. I remember distinctly because I was really put off by the posts and posters.
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@Astro Bee: I definitely have. There was a post where someone said they hate it when people have kids they can't afford (by that person's standards, and they thought they were agreeing with another poster), they were saying, "where do they think the money is going to come from?" Also posts about being on public help etc. and what those people should and should not be able to do, etc.
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@Mrs Green Grass: I agree!
I only know one sahm. Most women, including my family members, work full time or part time.
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@SorryCharlie: @GreenTea: Wow, I definitely would be put off by those comments. One thing I'm thankful to the Bee for is how eye-opening it has been to other forms of parenting. @Mrs Green Grass hit the nail on the head that online we are often exposed to people that aren't all that similar to us (which I see as a positive), like our respective real-life peer groups. Because of that, it behooves us to be respectful of everyone's differences, be they financial, religious, or parenting philosophy. I'm sorry that not everyone here has been mindful of the cardinal rule: not being a jerk or bully in cyber space.
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Oh, being team green!! I can't think of anyone IRL who didn't find out!
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@Applesandbananas: I was thinking of this- only almost half of my friends have been team green at least once (myself included). The u/s tech actually told me it's really regional. At my hospital (known for midwife care and low intervention) she said it was half team green, but she has worked in several parts of the country and says mostly no one does it.
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