Hellobee Boards

Around here, no one has just one child. It's unheard of. So it is shocking to me how many people on HB only went to have one child even though I think that's a totally legitimate choice - it's just so different from what I'm used to as the norm.

Kind of the same line of thinking as @yoursilverlining:

I wouldn't say I don't see affluence, in my day to day. We live in an expensive area (state?!), and several people I'm close with have sh-weeeet careers. Their wealth is just not a conversation piece. On HB, there's a lot of talk about what I feel are "predictable" baby and lifestyle brands that seem to be touted as gospel. Like, you'd think I would see everyone in my local Pottery Barn, stumbling around with a permanent "O" face, but that is never the case.

Just more "look at me, I'm rich, I swear!" declarations than I have ever run into, in my real life. Maybe it's the anonymity of the internet.

@FaithFertility: That's what I thought the question was, thanks for clearing it up. Great thread, btw! My original post reflected that.

LO also has a super early bedtime, even by HB standards - 6:00-6:30! He only naps for 45 mins 2x/day, but sleeps 12-13 hrs at night. My family thinks it's crazy, as all of my cousins babies at this age have gone to bed after 8. It works for us, though!

@Mrs Green Grass: I agree with this! I've learned a lot here. And I think (I hope) it has made me more sympathetic. Before me, I don't know any of my friends who had a m/c, but shortly after I got pregnant with LO, several did. I also only have one friend IRL (my best friend) who has admitted to having infertility. HB has helped me realize that there's often a lot more going on than many people will talk about!

Oh, adult coloring exists only on HB. No one I know IRL does it or is remotely interested in it.

A lot of what I see on HB is pretty close to my real life experience, but there are individual differences and preferences just like on here. Some people I know EBF, some formula feed. Some practice attachment parenting, others don't. Some spend a lot on clothes, others bargain shop, etc. My sister had 3 natural births (2 were water births), and is definitely on the crunchier side of the spectrum. My background is in child development, but some of the parenting books/ websites mentioned on here I haven't seen before, so those have been really helpful! Also, I didn't know much at all about ttc before reading the boards on WB and here, so I'm grateful for that info, too!

@jedeve: We can chat...expecting number 3 and definitely not well off.

I feel like I've seen it all, but only because I've lived in three different places with totally different demographics since having children. I do like the opportunity to discuss topics on HB that I can't or don't really come up IRL.

Between DHs large family and out diverse circle of friends, there's nothing I can really think of that's big on Hb that i don't know of at least a handful of people do in real life. Even my local moms group, which is pretty homogenous as far as lifestyle and background goes, is pretty diverse when it
Comes to parenting stuff.

Main one I notice is the TTC world is definitely sooooo different here than in my real world! Just not a topic my friends really chat about until AFTER the baby is conceived. If that! Also...miscarriage, troubles conceiving & infertility. A huge eye-opener here as to just how common it all is, I would have had no idea otherwise. Sometimes I feel sad that the innocence has gone, but mostly grateful that I can appreciate the good things when they do happen.

Obsession with LO fashion, honestly. I'm always surprised here by threads about 'brands' and whatnot. I don't think it has anything to do with wealth because my network and friends span the socio-economic spectrum. For us, I'm not throwing money at something that's going to a) fit for 5 minutes and b) get destroyed at daycare/on the playground/by art projects anyway? My friends on FB are constantly exchanging literally trash bags full of kids' clothes they don't use anymore for subsequent kids.

Otherwise, not much surprises me! CD is not unusual around here, I have no idea about car seats, and I know moms who run the gamut from SAH to work 80 hr weeks.

I agree that I don't think HB is particularly affluent. Every time we have one of these threads it's mainly people complaining about affluence, so that seems to be the sentiment of the majority. For me, almost all my IRL friends consider finances very heavily when deciding how many children to have, so to me it's a very HB idea that you're basically a rich heartless asshole if you think contributing to your 401k and a 529 for the kids you already have should take precedence over having a third kid. I'm in finance though so people tend to ask my opinion on these types of things so I probably know a lot more about the finances of my friends and family than the average person.

I would say that HB just tends to be much more researched and methodical about every little aspect of parenting. My IRL friends tend to go with the flow more, or just talk with each other when we need advice instead of reading 9 studies and 12 books by experts. For example, Following a potty training "method" is not something I've seen from anyone outside of HB. I don't think being researched is a bad thing at all, but I do think the women of HB put a lot more stress on themselves about doing parenting "right".

Extended rear-facing car seats for sure... brought this up among my friends and they were all surprised this was a thing! (as well as one friend who switched to ff at 6 months with both girls!)

While this thread has gotten from where @FaithFertility: intended it; I have to say I LOVE the Bee because of the diversity, etc. I would be on the lower end of the wealth spectrum on here, but I appreciate all view points, opinions, etc. and will live vicariously through those who are able to buy the 'name brand' baby clothes.
I do feel sooo much more educated about everything because of the bee and I'm glad I have this place to turn to.

@snowjewelz: @josina: even if we get a little snarky on this thread here and there, I think we can all agree that we probably fall into a "knowledge nerd" category compared to the general public. I am always trying to find ways to not sound like a total info-junky nerd when trying to explain to people IRL where I learned something or read it when diving into my info I have to share

@Truth Bombs: I think your second paragraph is spot-on. The research thing is one of those things I love about HB, but it's not always good for my overly-obsessive brain. Sometimes, good enough is good enough

A lot of my IRL friends always say I am such a great parent, in that I seem to know what I'm doing, I'm comfortable and confident in my decisions, etc. While it's probably 50% flattery , I attribute so much of my confidence to HB!

@josina: At the time I was pretty new so I wasn't really sure what was happening and it didn't affect me. I def remember Mr. Bee having to step in, and there was a time when a lot of people left. I don't even know what it was about anymore!

I'm seeing major drama unfold in my local babywearing group right now! It's craaaazy.

Until HB, I had no idea that adult people actually used the PNP method as a form of birth control. Took me a while to figure out the abbreviation here, actually.

Before HB, I knew nothing about infertility treatments. I also didn't realize how common miscarriages are. It has really opened my eyes and hopefully I have become more sensitive as a result.

@Astro Bee: I think saying "nanny" is confusing too. Nanny does sound pretty high brow, but it usually just means babysitter! I have a woman who comes 2 days a week and those are days I schedule doc appts, get my hair cut, grocery shop, or even do housework without my toddler hanging on me. And yeah, sometimes a mani pedi and lunch, because parenting is hard But she still calls herself (and everyone in my city refers to it as) a nanny. I feel weird saying it to my friends and family from home because nanny implies to me that the individual is a primary care giver. Though I am still very much his primary care giver, even on days she's here.
I think it's another example of something pretty basic having a fancy name. But I don't think that's HB, I think it might be a regional thing.