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Out of town visitors right after baby is born?

  1. ElbieKay

    pomegranate / 3218 posts

    We told our parents -- both are a local 45-min drive -- no visitors for at least two weeks. I am so glad we made that decision, for several reasons:

    1. I always feel a little on edge around both my parents and my MIL (for different reasons in each case). Postpartum time is hard and adding stress in any form is unacceptable to me.

    2. I'm glad we took the space for our family of three to bond.

    3. I wanted my husband and I to find our groove as parents without navigating through lots of unwelcome and unsolicited advice.

    4. I did not want any pressure to be available to entertain, especially while I was sleep-deprived and healing. And I wanted the freedom to roam around our two-bedroom apartment in any state of dress.

    We are now expecting twins this summer. I am planning to impose the same policy. My mother has already balked. (I am also planning to hire a night nurse for the first month or so, and then once my husband goes back to work I will probably hire some daytime help too.) I may have them take my 4yo every once in awhile if we need a break but that is assuming they will take him out of the house, not stay here.

    @periwinklebee: holy shit if I had that experience I will have basically told my husband to get his mom out of my face at least until the postpartum hormones are settled. I.e., several months. I have no patience for that kind of drama! And yeah, I don't care who I breastfeed in front of. If it makes them uncomfortable, they can leave. I refuse to sequester myself that often over the occasional nipple flash, and I find nursing covers to be pretty annoying. But that was only after I got comfortable with manipulating my clothes and the baby. During the first few weeks I needed time and space to adjust.

  2. Amorini

    persimmon / 1132 posts

    @PurplePumps: It sounds like you have made up your mind and that’s great! I definitely asked HB the same question back when DS was born (will be two Octobers ago!). I ended up having non-stop visitors for the first 8 weeks and did really well with it emotionally and physically. I was surprised because I’m an independent person who likes my space and was pretty adamant about no visitors until everything went off script and I had an emergency C-section. I’m also good at roughing out hard situations on my own so I don’t know why it all worked out well to have guests....except that baby needs and C-section needs changed the situation AND — not a small detail — guests stayed in our guesthouse.

    I am also not much of a hostess—baby or not. DH is the household cook and visitors (in waves, it was my parents, ILs, best friend, then my mom again) truly took care of themselves, pitched in, supported or at least stood by and held LO when I needed to sleep.

    Sounds like you have your family close if you should need/want that extra company right after. Wishing you the best!!

  3. PurplePumps

    pomegranate / 3806 posts

    @Amorini: My neighbor across the street actually has a house that he used to rent that is vacant (he built 2 separate 1 and 2 bedroom homes on his property, and was renting one out, had some bad experiences with tenant and decided not to rent it anymore) and it crossed my mind to ask him if he'd rent it to us for 2 week or something for his parents. I presented the idea to my husband yesterday and he thought it would be "weird" to have them come visit/stay, but across the street.

    I filled my husband in on what you all said about visitors, and he agreed that it sounded best to has them to wait and not rush up during the first month.
    Thanks everyone for all the great input!!

  4. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    @PurplePumps: It really all depends on your relationship with them. It is nice to have help in the early days but I am the sort of person that just needs my space and I would rather they come a few weeks later when I have established a good routine

  5. WAbee219

    apple seed / 2 posts

    I haven't read the other responses, but going to offer my personal experience. I would have hated this. I would have them either wait if they insist on staying with you. If they are adamant about being there immediately after baby arrives, I would let them know they would need to stay at a hotel or elsewhere. I think my boob was out 80% of the time the first couple weeks and it would have irritated me to have to censor myself or consider other people's feelings during that time.

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