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@Lindsay05: I'm definitely not an expert on PPD, though I did go through it after the birth of LO, who is now nearly a year old. My guess is that maybe your feelings are hormone related? If it's really escalated since pregnancy, that would make sense. I think if you're worried, it's definitely something to bring up when you visit the doctor. Are you going at 8 weeks?
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@ lindsay05: I'm not a PPD expert, but my understanding is that PPD can hit anytime during the 1st year, like Mrs. Checkers said a few weeks ago. I'm sorry things are rough for you right now. I have PPD myself. My baby is 4 months and I was diagnosed when he was 4 days old. One of my biggest fears was that it would affect my relationship with my husband, so I completely understand your feeling about that.
I already have depression and was taking Lexapro, so my midwife prescribed me Ativan in addition. It helped at first a little, but it still took until about a month ago for me to start feeling like myself again. Then this weekend I stupidly ran out of my Ativan. I've only been off it for 24 hours but all of the PPD symptoms returned today: anxiety, nervousness, fear, and, worst of all, intrusive thoughts. I was hoping to be able to go off the Ativan sometime soon, so it's been really distressing to experience this one day withdrawal.
I'm really glad this thread is here. It does help to know I'm not alone.
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Just saw this thread pop up again and want to share my support again with the women on this thread. I know mothers day can come with some very mixed feelings for those experiencing PPD. I am fully recovered from my extreme case of PPD from last year, but even so, today I spent a lot of time thinking about where I was at a year ago today. I am so happy being a mom now, but I still think a lot about how much of a struggle it was for me to get to this point.
Lots of love and courage to you all!
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@meredithNYC: Thank you for your response. I'm assuming it is hormone related too and so does my husband. It is really hard because I did not get like this during my first pregnancy at all. I will ask at my appointment which will be at about 8 weeks. Thanks again!
@Katrocap: Thank you for sharing your history. It is really hard to be unhappy when you know you should be really happy. That feeling of guilt is so strong and just kind of makes things worse.
@skibobrown: I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better. It is really nice to have a support system on HB. Happy Mothers Day!
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@Lindsay05: I'm sorry you are going through this! Did you happen to wean your first LO recently? Some women experience PPD like symptoms at that point (I did). Or even if that's not the case I'm sure the raging pregnancy hormones are no help to you! Hang in there.. And talking to your OB sounds like a good plan too.
@Katrocap: I was definitely still in the throes of PPD at 4 months... So don't be disheartened!
@skibobrown: I love your update! -
@Katrocap: yeah I was on Ativan and lexapro and the Ativan was the one that I needed for anxiety until things leveled out..
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@skibobrown: I thought I was the only one. When I went through the worst parts I needed tons of help with LO and I am feeling a lot of guilt about that which lead me to ask DH not to celebrate Mother's Day just this year. I was in a class all day today anyway. He says he ordered flowers but thy haven't arrived yet so he was annoyed about that. I just sort of feel like I need another year to prove myself since its only been a few months since I was ready to "really be the mom" as my therapist put it. Then on the other hand I think I went through this difficult time "for" her and so I do deserve it. It's just a little confusing!
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@T-Mom: I actually weaned LO fully at 6 months and I think that actually made me happier (it was a struggle!).
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@googly-eyes: Aw, I'm sorry you don't feel like you deserve a Mother's Day celebration because you most definitely DO! It's not your fault that things were a struggle, as some things are beyond your control. I hope you get to feeling more confident about your abilities as a mom because I know it can be really tough during the first year. Best of luck!
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@googly-eyes: Big hugs to you!! You don't have to wait another year to "prove" yourself as a mother, and you *do* deserve to celebrate Mother's Day and be recognized. I went to counseling too; and it took me a while to feel ready to be be a mom, it was not an instantaneous thing at all. I had a lot of things I had to work through; resentment towards DH and LO and myself for how my life was going to change. For many months, I felt like I was just going through the emotions as a mom; I didn't really "feel" like a mother, and certainly not like a good one. Keep plugging away, you'll get there too mama.
Also, I think that the fact that you reached out to your husband, your family, your friends and your doctors for help already "proves" you are a good mother. You don't have anything to be ashamed about, or to make up for. Don't beat yourself up because you asked for help, it takes a strong person to realize they need help and to actually ask for it.
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@meredithNYC: I do feel confident now, but I just feel guilty about what happened before. Lots of people have ppd, most don't need the amount of help I did, and now I'm questioning whether I needed ALL that much help or if I just gave up.
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@yoursilverlining: I'm ok with things now, in fact happy with life.
But I just feel like I failed lo earlier on, which leads to the need to prove myself. I know it sounds lame but I know I'm capable of much more than I did for lo months 2-4...
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@ googly-eyes: Thanks for letting me know you were on the same meds as me, and that they helped you. It's great to hear that. Also, I know what you mean about not feeling like you deserve to celebrate Mothers' Day. I still feel so much guilt for being such a crying, zombie-like mess around my DS.
@ skibobrown: Thanks for your post awhile back about intrusive thoughts. I have had the same visions of bumping my LO's head into sharp corners or dropping him down the stairs. It's terrifying and makes me so ashamed.
@ mrscheckers: Your post awhile back really hit home about missing your old life and worrying you'd never enjoy your new one as a mom. I still struggle with that.
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Just hoping to hear from some moms that survived PPD. I'm having a pretty rough time right now and feel that I'll never feel like myself again.
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@Katrocap: I'm sorry you are having a rough time! It has been a few years now since I went through PPD but it does get better. Actually for me it got better, and then worse, and then better again. I went on to have another baby without going through it again (i was worried PPD would strike again) so that just shows you how having more experience and confidence can really help. Hopefully some moms who have been through it more recently can chime in, but keep your chin up. I hope you have a good support system, but even if not we are all here for you!
But I just feel like I failed lo earlier on, which leads to the need to prove myself. I know it sounds lame but I know I'm capable of much more than I did for lo months 2-4...
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