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First off, *hugs* and good for you for reaching out for some help, even if the first step is writing it all out here.

If you are feeling the urge to hurt yourself or your baby, please don't hesitate to tell someone - ANYONE - in your life ASAP. Do you have anyone in your family that you can talk to?

PPD and other severe forms of it are very serious and you and your baby need to have the proper resources to stay safe. Call your OB's emergency line. Tell your husband again. Take the baby to the hospital and tell them what you're feeling. Make sure that you and your baby stay safe.

*hugs*

@tryingtobehappy: What state do you live in? I know NJ has resources for PPD. I'm off to search Google for some resources.

1.800.944.4773
This is the number for the post partum hotline

This is who you should call right now. Please. I have days where I don't want to be a Mom., days where I lash out at everyone for things that don't deserve that kind of reaction, and days where I want to rip my hair out. However, what you are describing, is something very different. PPD is not something to play around with, it is very serious. No one ever needs to know that you sought treatment, except for your husband.

If you are truly feeling very low at this moment, there is also nothing wrong with driving yourself to the emergency room. I promise you will not be the first, and seeking help for this deserves nothing but praise.

I know that you are saying you currently do not feel like you will hurt yourself or your baby, but PPD can change that in an instant. I urge you to treat yourself asap.

@tryingtobehappy: Not sure what to say, other than big, huge hugs. It's time to talk to a doc. Best of luck

@tryingtobehappy: dies is where the problem is. Do you need me to call you? do you just need someone to speak with?

Perhaps you should show your husband this thread so he understands how serious you are.

@tryingtobehappy: You may end up loving it. Right now you just aren't capable of that. Don't beat yourself up. PPD is not something you can control. Very basic treatment can help change your opinion on your situation. That's why it's so important.

Your husband needs to understand what you are going through. You shouldn't feel ashamed, but that is the worse reason not to communicate what is going on to your spouse. You need someone.

You're not a freak and no one is allowed to hate you for how you feel.*hugs*
However, it is your responsibility to yourself,your child and your husband to tell someone and get help. Please please pleaaasse tell someone who can help. You deserve to be happy and your baby deserves to have a happy momma:)
Keep telling your husband, tell friends, tell grandparents...anyone who can help or lead you to help.
Best wishes! And please: I am not kidding, of you need to talk-use me. I can be hear for you:)

@tryingtobehappy: I just wanted to send you a hug. You aren't a freak - I know lots and lots of moms who didn't feel like they were "supposed to". But remember that your hormones have gone through the wringer. They get wonky and cause all kinds of problems. This isn't something that you should have to go through and especially not alone. I hope you take the other ladies' advice and call the line. You are not a bad mom!!

@tryingtobehappy: I learned how to do the basic feeding changing burping through the tears, I held her almost constantly because I couldn't bear her crying. I thank God she was such an easy baby, she was usually content unless there was something wrong.

the good news is it CAN go away AND get better, with some help. you're not alone. stay around here. use resources like the hotline, a therapist, medication, and the women here to lean on until you can get through. Taking care of you is doing whats best for your baby.

I don't have any experience but just wanted to extend a great big hug.
You are not a freak or a.bad mom! You're a fantastic mom bc you realize something is wrong and you're reaching out for help!!!!

Do you think maybe even working part time would help you get out of the house? Have you looked into getting state assistance to make that feasible?

Thinking of you! I hope you can call the number and get some help!

@Ttryingtobehappy: Wanting/needing time to yourself is completely normal - with or without a baby!! People need time to themselves, to put themselves first on a regular basis. Do you have any family/friends nearby who could take your LO for a few hours even just once a week so you could get a break? Could you afford to hire a sitter for even just 1 afternoon a week so you could get time to yourself (nursing students are GREAT for this, as they have a somewhat flexible school schedule). Or do you have skills you could barter/trade for some help?

You also might benefit from joining a "mom and me" type group for moms and babies. You would be getting out and socializing with other adults on a regular basis, and I bet you that the other moms will understand what you are going through, and I wouldn't be surprised if other moms in the group had also dealt with PPD. Many groups are run through hospitals or birthing centers, and are totally free.

@tryingtobehappy: oh sweetie, your reply made me teared up. I'm so glad that your husband realized how serious your depression is.
I was referring to you saying that you guys can't afford daycare. That perhaps there's elsewhere to get state assistance to make that feasible, offset the costs of daycare. Whether it be state funded daycare, or state assistance on healthcare, state assistance in other areas to make you working feasible.

I think one of the most beautiful things I hear on HB is that we are not all cut out to be SAHM. Some of us are better as work out of home moms.

*HUGS*!

@tryingtobehappy - i just read this thread, and i'm so glad to hear you confided in your husband and he responded in such a loving and gentle way. having that support system is the first step to getting better.

please call that hotline or find a doctor immediately. i have a few friends that suffered severe PPD and getting that help really helped them. you are not alone... and this does NOT make you a bad mom. you have said over and over again that you love your baby... but it is an overwhelming job that nobody but you can really understand.

maybe after your husband comes home from work each day, you can ask him to take care of the baby for a couple hours while you have some "me" time? do you have family nearby that can help with the baby? have you talked to your mom or family members about how you've been feeling?

hang in there and big big hugs!!

@tryingtobehappy: So glad you talked to DH and he's being supportive. I thought of something else that might give you a break now and then. Have you looked into mother's day out programs? Often churches or other organizations will do a MDO, for a morning, afternoon, or evening. They are usually free or inexpensive. If there is something like that, you could drop off your LO and have a morning or afternoon off to get some time for a little self-care and relaxation!