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Having a weird day. It's the 2 year anniversary of my first BFP. I wouldn't even remember, except I'm a Star Wars fanatic so it was really cool that it happened on May 4th. And according to Timehop it's the 1 year anniversary of our gender reveal for R. We were originally team green with her, but chose to find out once we knew about her issues (though at that point we were still hopeful it would turn out okay). I'm not really in a terrible mood, just... a bit down. I kind of wish I just wasn't aware of these anniversaries, but at the same time it's not like I can or even really want to forget. I've considered not looking at Timehop for the next couple months, but really I didn't write about anything on FB, just posted it on my blog, so it wouldn't make a huge difference.
Not even sure why I'm bothering to write this. I've just been so emotional lately, and I hate it! Not that it's shocking when 26w pregnant. Just... rar. I'm very ready to get past the pregnant stage of my life and actually hold a healthy baby, but I don't want to wish this all away either, since it SHOULD be my last pregnancy. And I am very happy to be pregnant again. She's a very active baby, so she's not letting me forget she's there!
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@Torchwood: Sorry you're feeling all of those complex emotions...
I had a not completely dissimilar experience the other day-- my MIL said how she was just remembering how we'd told them about our first pregnancy (and 1st loss) on Mother's Day 2years earlier...and "now you're there!" And I had to say "actually that was 3 years ago...and we're not there YET." Anyway, it was a strange thing to remember and a bit awkward. Can't wait to hear all about your LO once she's here! 
(My baby boy is also kicking up a storm today!)
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@HappyBluebird: I hope you're doing well! Thinking of you!
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@Torchwood: I think it's good to remember, it just means you loved her and that's important. Be kind to yourself, revel in those baby kicks, and miss your first one as much as you need to.
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@Torchwood: I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and sadly, I'm right there with you. 27w pregnant here, and today is the 1 year anniversary of our bfp. I'm feeling really upset/sad/down today thinking about what/who could have been and it makes me feel guilty because DS2 wouldn't be kicking away happily inside me now otherwise. It's so strange to have these mixed emotions. I just want a milkshake. Lol
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@FliegepilzHut: I really don't get people who say things like that. I don't need the reminder of how long it's taken, thanks. Mother's Day is definitely a weird one here too. We announced around Mother's Day the first time (cards to all the grandmother's that said "Happy Mother's Day Grandma"). And DH and I aren't really ones to take the "we're parents because I've carried a child" thought line. Nothing against it, it just doesn't resonate with us. So the last couple of years he's gotten me something for Mother's Day because I was pregnant, but the idea was always "next year we'll celebrate for real, because we'll actually have a baby here." But somehow this is my third Mother's Day, and I'm just pregnant again, no baby here. (Well, except the fur baby in my lap insisting I pay attention to him and licking my hand every time I try to type. Which is not quite the same. Probably good practice for the constant interruptions of motherhood though.)
@LulaBee:
@ValentineMommy: It really is just confusing emotionally. But a milkshake sounds delicious.
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@HappyBluebird: Any news?
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@Torchwood: @FliegepilzHut: @LulaBee: @ValentineMommy: I don't have much to add because I often feel the same way. So, hugs ladies.
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@ValentineMommy: Bahahaha. A girl after my own heart.
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@FliegepilzHut: @simplyfelicity: Thanks so much for checking in with me ladies! You're so sweet! We had our US at 7w6d and saw the baby and the heartbeat. They are letting us go back at 10w6d for an US on the better machine. That appointment is next Thursday May 14th.
Still very nervous as we made it to our 8 week appointment last time and saw the heartbeat but then nothing at 12 weeks. We are trying to take it one day at a time!
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@HappyBluebird: So happy to hear this news. Taking things one day at a time is all any of us can do .
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@HappyBluebird: Yay! I'm so glad things are still going well!
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@simplyfelicity: @Torchwood: Thanks ladies
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@HappyBluebird: That's great news! I know the feeling... Wishing you the happiest and healthiest 9 months!
@ValentineMommy: A milkshake does sound good! I just heard I passed my GTT!
@Torchwood:
@simplyfelicity: Thanks! It's nice to have folks who understand!
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Alright, I'll cautiously join you guys. We're telling so many fewer people this go around, and I need a place where people really *get* it...
Your story: DH and I got married later in life, have been married for 3 years (I'm 34, he's 42). When we got married we were ok with possibly not having kids and didn't really expect to, but just as I started to think I might want a baby, surprise! NTNPing baby. I got a BFP in early Jan 2015, but by the end of the month was miscarrying at around 6 weeks. We started trying again once AF returned in Feb.
When I was KU, the doctors discovered I had functional ovarian cysts that they've been monitoring every few months. They're huge, but not super painful, so they just watch to make sure they stay "simple." At my follow up this March I broke into tears as I asked my doctor if we could plan next steps since it had been a full year with no baby. He's not especially well-versed at IF treatments, but went ahead and ordered a SHG (like a HSG but with saline). Guess I had some cobwebs in there that needed clearing out...
Due Date: Jan. 14, 2016
LO #: alive, 1
How are you coping with pregnancy after a loss: I'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard. I check the tissue every time I use the bathroom, but at least try to remind myself when it's still white that "I'm pregnant today, and that's a good thing." I've found myself rubbing my pelvis area more and *trying* to bond with this baby early and love it as much as I can. I'm not sure if that's because I want to be positive, or because I know it might not last forever.
I'm getting a little frustrated with DH though. We agreed to take things as they come although we're not "scared", we wouldn't get too excited too early either. But I'd love for him to at least acknowledge that I'm pregnant...
And I'm scared to death to have sex. We did it as soon as the stick turned pink last time, and well...
Is your doctor recommending different care after a loss: I called my practice as soon as I got the positive test, and because I've had a history of low progesterone (with the lat MC and since then), they brought me in at 13 dpo (thurs) for a blood test. I saw a different doctor that day, but she went ahead and put me on progesterone, saying that if I have too much in my system, I'll feel sick and gross. But if I have too little...that's a bigger problem. I'm still waiting to get the blood results back...ugh.
Something interesting about you: I've touched a pope.
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@MaryM: So happy to see you here!
Hopefully your progesterone levels will come back normal...but if not, it's great that your OB started supplementation early! I'll be thinking of you and wishing you a good and healthy 9months! -
@FliegepilzHut: thank you hon!
I take back what I said about dh yesterday. He left me the sweetest card to open this morning. We aren't telling his family yet and spent the day with them, but it was nice to have our own little secret
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@MaryM: that is so nice! So glad your husband did that for you.
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@MaryM: welcome & congrats & happy mother's day!
We certainly do all understand the conflicting feelings that come after a loss. I'm ~38wks & I still worry something could go wrong & will until I hear her first cry & hold her in my arms. I am sad for the baby we lost, but try to remember that it is probably all working out how it should & perhaps God's plan. Best of luck to you that you can get to a point of relaxing & enjoying your pregnancy more. Happy mother's day to all you ladies!
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@MaryM: So happy to see you here! I had absolutely no hope for this pregnancy after my previous two losses and was actually pretty frickin pissed off to be honest. I was very detached and wouldn't call it a "baby." That has all changed and I can't wait to meet my son in 7 weeks. So, whatever you feel is right right now.
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@Anya: @GoGoSnoGirl: @simplyfelicity: thank you all
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Your story: started TTC in August, conceived in late Sept, blighted ovum diagnosis in October/November, continued TTC despite crazy cycles, PCOS and low morphology diagnoses in April, tried metformin, clomid, and progesterone, 4 weeks pregnant today! My betas went from 18 on Saturday to 80 on Monday, and Monday was either 14 or 15 dpo so that's great news. I'm ready to start posting here but not on my due date board yet... hopefully I'll see you soon there, @travellingbee and @marym!
Due Date: Jan 19
LO #: 1
How are you coping with pregnancy after a loss: Um, it alternates I'm still very hesitant to believe this pregnancy will continue, but moderately hopeful. DH is very nervous. I'm scared to eat anything sugary or refined carbs because of the PCOS (which stinks, because I have a very limited diet already), I'm scared of hot showers being too hot, and being up on my feet a lot because I'm a teacher. I am really relying on my betas to give me peace of mind. Is your doctor recommending different care after a loss: I switched obs after my loss. This doctor is the one who diagnosed my PCOS and put me on met + clomid + progesterone. If the 4 betas are good, he will only do a 7 week and 11 week ultrasound. I'm generally OK with this, though I'd prefer a 7wk, 9wk, and 11wk, all healthy :).
Something interesting about you: DH's family lives in WI and mine lives in CT, and we live in AZ without any family at all. So we travel a LOT, though only in ths US. In total we have taken over 20 vacations in 5 years, not including yearly trips to see family. Most of our trips center around national parks and hiking, so at least they're cheap! There are a ton of parks in the Southwest, which helps too.
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I guess I should officially join!
Your story: DH and I married a bit older (34) and got pregnant the next month with our DS. We were surprised but thrilled it happened so soon. An uneventful pregnancy and labor followed and when he was 16 months, we started trying for #2. We expected it to take a little longer but figured I was fertile so we didn't anticipate any issues. When nothing happened after 5 months, I asked my OBGYN if she could run some tests. She did and found that I had diminished ovarian reserve (high FSH and low AMH). I was referred to an RE but the cycle before we were supposed to start injectables I got a surprise BFP. We were so excited but it quickly gave way to tears as my hcg came back low and not doubling. a few days later, I started bleeding. Everything was cleared for us to keep trying but we were going to wait one cycle before trying injectables and lo and behold, I got another BFP right away. My HCG was a bit higher but wasn't doubling. That one hung on until almost 7 weeks before I lost it. We waited a few months because I was pretty devastated by back to back losses. In March we did an IUI (with clomid) that didn't work. and this last cycle we tried clomid again, with just timed intercourse. It worked! This time my betas were nice and high and doubling well! Today's scan showed a 6 week old bean with a heartbeat!
Is your doctor recommending different care after a loss: I am being highly monitored and am on progesterone and baby aspirin.Due Date: Jan. 5, 2016
LO #: 2
How are you coping with pregnancy after a loss: I am pretty paranoid and assuming everything is going to go wrong. I am not enjoying it at all. I notice every little twinge and over-analyze it. I want to be excited (the scan helped a bit) but I still worry. A lot.
Something interesting about you: I used to be a salsa dancer.
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@DesertDreams88: @travellingbee: Congrats & welcome, ladies!! Keeping my fingers crossed tightly for you & your new little beans growing!!
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@MaryM: @DesertDreams88: @travellingbee: so happy to see all 3 of you here! Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way
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@DesertDreams88: @travellingbee: Happy to see you both! Early pregnancy (and later pregnancy!) after loss(es) can be a crazy time! Sending lots of
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@GoGoSnoGirl: @HappyBluebird: @FliegepilzHut: Thank you!
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@DesertDreams88: @travellingbee: So happy to be in this with you guys
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@MaryM: @DesertDreams88: @travellingbee: So glad you're all here
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@MaryM: @DesertDreams88: @travellingbee: It makes my heart so happy to see you ladies here!! Prayers for uneventful, healthy pregnancies.
I'm 34.5 weeks now, and other than an AWFUL stomach bug that hit my house (and my stomach) full force this week, just chugging along through the next 5-6 weeks. Little one and I have made a deal that he won't come before June, though. I just have way too much to do before then! DH and I will spend Memorial Day moving things around and getting ready for baby and toddler craziness.
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@HappyBluebird: Appointment tomorrow, right? I'll keep you in my thoughts!
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@Jess1483: Aww you're so sweet to remember! Yes, appointment tomorrow morning. We'll have our 10 week US and I don't think I could be any more nervous. Thanks so much for thinking of me!
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@GoGoSnoGirl: @HappyBluebird: @FliegepilzHut: @jess1483: @valentinemommy: thanks for the warm welcome!
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Just because I like peeing on expensive things... (And I'm trying to remain calm)
I will be 3 wks past O tomorrow, so I think it's a good reassurance
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Your story: had 1 ntnp LO, and one completely surprise LO, in August 2012 & 2014. Found out I was surprise KU in Jan 2015; at the same time I developed a blood clot in one of my brains arteries. Started blood thinners & miscarried 3 days later at just over 7wks (after having an ultrasound with a heartbeat.) found out I was KU again in May.
Due Date: January 13, 2016
LO #: 3
How are you coping with pregnancy after a loss: not well? I'm kind of in denial as far as calling the doctor goes....plus it's super early so I feel like there's no point in calling anyway? Other than that I'm trying to be positive......while holding my breath until i pass the 8 week mark.
Is your doctor recommending different care after a loss: not yet; I doubt there will be any.
Something interesting about you: I'm about as dull as dishwater. Sorry! -
@sera_67: welcome! Wow, a lot of Jan babies on here!
@marym: yay!! I have two clearblues saved for just that purpose.... I never got a 3+ last time, even at mid 6 weeks
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@DesertDreams88: @travellingbee: @sera_87: So happy to see all of you on here! I have so, so much hope for your pregnancies!
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@MaryM: That is a beautiful thing!
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@DesertDreams88: I bought a two pack, so I'm saving one for in a week or so since its 2.5 weeks til the sono
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@MaryM: Beauty!!!
@sera_87: Welcome!
@HappyBluebird: Everything crossed for a great ultrasound this morning!
@Jess1483: I'm glad your household is feeling better! Getting close!
I had a not completely dissimilar experience the other day-- my MIL said how she was just remembering how we'd told them about our first pregnancy (and 1st loss) on Mother's Day 2years earlier...and "now you're there!" And I had to say "actually that was 3 years ago...and we're not there YET." Anyway, it was a strange thing to remember and a bit awkward. Can't wait to hear all about your LO once she's here! 
(My baby boy is also kicking up a storm today!)
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