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Yes, I would be uncomfortable but would not complain about it or say anything. I think it may be less awkward for you to go into the mens room. Adult men in a wheelchair and small children are different.
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Surprised? Sure maybe. But that lady's reaction was completely OTT and the employee was absolutely rude. Obviously there was a need. People are just so into themselves they can't see beyond their own feelings. Ugh.
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I would have been startled to see a grown man in the ladies' room which is my similar reaction when I see and older boy ( 7 years up w/ a woman).
My first inclination is to speak to people not complain to staff/ management. So, OP you and your hubby would have received a "hello" from me.
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Surprised, yes. But there are stalls in women's rooms, so I'm not sure what there is to be uncomfortable about (or any more uncomfortable than using the restroom in close proximity to strangers who are women). Even if I was uncomfortable, it was pretty clear why he was in there, so I would have assumed you didn't have a better option and not said anything.
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I probably would have been surprised opening the door to see a man there, but I'm sure it was immediately obvious that you were that assisting him and wouldn't have been bothered by it at all. You have more restraint than I, I would have said something to that lady too to make her feel like shit.
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Honestly, I think the general public is more uncomfortable with differently abled people than seeing a man in a restroom. My first hand experience tells me this, I have a brother with special needs and people are always overly accommodating, which is always a sign that they're unsure/uncomfortable.
I would have been surprised, yes, but not to the alert the management level. It doesn't surprise me, though, that some people would complain, they don't know who you are, why you are there, etc. People are suspicious.
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I guess I'm curious whether it was obvious to the woman who complained to the employee that your DH was disabled? You said you overheard her talking to someone outside the bathroom as you were doing the hand washing, right? Is it possible she had only overheard you and your DH's voices while inside the stall, and not seen his wheelchair/seen him in the wheelchair while you helped him? I mean, if she hadn't seen that and just heard a man's voice, she may have assumed something else was going on.
If that's not the case, and she definitely saw your DH was disabled, then she definitely overreacted. And the employee definitely saw he was disabled, and should not have chastised you.
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People are ridiculous. I might be a little surprised, but would understand why he was there. People are so easily offended. I cannot imagine going to management about this. Hugs to you!
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I am surprised by people's unease. I mean, it's not like you are peeing in full view? There is such a big distinction between this situation and a creep in the bathroom spying on women that it's almost laughable. But a lot of times people don't seem to use common sense
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I'm so sorry you went through this!
The engineering building at my college had all of the restrooms in the same place on 12 floors, but only two of the floors were tbe restrooms ladies' rooms. Through my years there I ran into a handful of guys that didn't realize they were on a ladies' floor. Never bothered me and at times I was alone. Totally uncalled for that she complained. It isn't like she felt threatened!
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So, so sorry that you went through this....
While I would feel awkward and uncomfortable but seeing you guys with a wheel chair I wouldn't have said anything. Come on, it is not like he was bending down or doing something awkward outside of the stalls, you guys were washing hands. This lady may have a wild imagination to think someone faked disability... she either works at the CIA or watched too many movies. I suspect the latter.
I am so so sorry again.... I hope tomorrow is a better day!
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I want says thanks for all of the support! I also appreciate hearing so many honest opinions. I love this forum
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@pinkcupcake: I can totally empathize with your mom. It's hard enough to get used to people looking at us because of the chair.
@Mae: Ugh, winter is the worst because of the snow and ice! I've also noticed more than a few times that snow gets plowed into handicapped parking spaces, which is totally illegal!
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@macintosh: this would not have bothered me and I'm sorry you had this experience
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@IRunForFun: We were already at the sink when I heard someone talking loudly about him being in there. I have to imagine she saw us, because we don't move too fast.
@looch: I know what you mean about people being overly accommodating. I do appreciate the consideration, but I can also quite easily hold a door for him myself. On the flip side, I've also noticed some people are completely oblivious and will step directly in his path when he's trying to navigate through a crowd.
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If I saw a non disabled man in the women's washroom by himself, I wouldn't complain to management if he didn't look suspicious (maybe the men's restroom was temporarily out of order?). A man in a wheelchair being assisted by a woman? I wouldn't think twice about it. Sorry you had to deal with that.
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@macintosh: Related question...do the overly accommodating people annoy you? I'm totally the type to offer to offer help or hold the door open or whatever but would never want to offend and will definitely stop if it does cause those kinds of feelings. I mean, obviously you and he are capable of handling it, I just instinctively want to offer if it seems like there is something I can do to make things easier for you two; I would do the same for someone who was on crutches or wrangling a baby/toddler/stroller or anything like that, but I certainly don't want to give the implication that you/he couldn't handle it on your own.
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56 comments