Hellobee Boards

Given the information you provided, I would probably say pass on the job or at least leave the decision up to DH. For me 2 years is not enough of a commitment to uproot my family across the country from an area we are very happy in.

That being said, we are also homebodies who have never moved out of the state we were born in, so please take that into consideration! Moving would be a HUGE deal for us since our families live within 25 minutes of us.

I kinda would put the ball in his court... Say that I am willing to uproot our lives and start over in less than ideal circumstances if this is 100% what you want. I feel like he'll be sad, but probably wouldn't want to trade all that for a 2 year contract either.

A 2 year only contract is tough.
When you say it's at an institution - would he be on an academic calendar or a normal FT year round work schedule? That would impact my answer some.

It seems like a lot to give up for an uncertainty. My instinct is to pass. Having a good network of friends and family, although of course with time you could make a new one, but having that is HUGE. That alone is a lot to give up.
But so much is to weigh here. How does he feel? You said neither of you is keen on moving to that city? Is he going to be OK with it if he chooses to pass on this opportunity?
Its a tough one. Indeed a big decision.

I would go. It could lead to a better opportunity down the line. I'm also not really afraid to move or leave my family support network because my parents did it when I was a child to follow their dreams.

I would definitely not go unless you found a job there before moving. You are the primary breadwinner, and this new job doesn't pay enough to support your family, and you have no job if you go?

I'm putting my family in that situation, where my husband makes more than me....would we move for a great job for ME, if it were only for two years, and my husband (the breadwinner) had no job there? No way.

It just doesn't make sense once you have kids you have to provide for.

I'm not sure I'd be ok with all of that change for a 2 year commitment and way less money.
Do you have a sense of what your earning potential is in the new city? What is the job market there like?

Could he really come back hard against the offer and say "look, to move my family and for my wife to quit her job I need more than a 2 year contract." If they say no way, he passes. If they agree then it might be something to consider.
OR could they agree to let him know by 6 months if they will offer a permanent position? If they agreed to that I might consider him going without us to see how it pans out. If at 6 months they say they can't commit, he should come home.

Just trying to think of lots of options. But deep down I know I would only be ok with moving and quitting my own job if it was more pay and permanent. I feel like "dream jobs" that aren't ideal like this one are more of a pre-kids kind of thing, unless you've got oodles of savings. Once you have a kid and need that stability, I think it's not as wise to take those risks. It's so tough, I'm sorry!

@CakeLady: I would definitely ask him to weigh everything carefully.. It is A LOT that you guys are BOTH giving up (since you said you both don't even want to move!)

My husband also works in a very niche field and I believe I can do my job remotely or find a job in a new location. So I have told him I would move for his career prospects if he wanted us to move. It would have to be somewhere we could both see ourselves living. It doesn't seem like you guys really want to move to this new place so for that reason, I would pass on the job. The fact that the pay isn't great is another factor- it's not like that would be a positive impact on your lives.

I would definitely not go. I wouldn't uproot my family for a job change for the non-breadwinner.

I hate to say it, but I don't think that you should be forced to uproot your life if he could not support your family on his salary alone. What happens if he accepts the position and then you can't find a job as good as what you have? Or if it takes you a year to find one and then his contract is not renewed? It just doesn't seem to make sense to uproot everything for something that is so uncertain.
BUT if it will cause marital strife if you put your foot down, I would try to leave the decision up to him but focus on the uncertainty and the great things you have where you are now. Good luck!

@CakeLady: Yeah, that makes sense. I can see how you wouldn't want to force a decision on him. I hope he comes around! It is too bad he can't find anything in his field where you are now.

@CakeLady: I understand. I quit my job to move with my husband for his job and it was awful. I couldn't find a new job (it was a really small town in a poor area), but after 9 months we moved back and I was able to get my old job back. I also work for a non-profit with that mentality as well. Have you checked out the job market in the new city?

That is such a tough choice! I would probably pass, but you and your husband have to decide what's best for you. Maybe the universe wants you to move and it'll be amazing.

Would this job help give him the experience so that when the 2 year contract was over, he'd be more able to find a position in your current city, given the boost to his resume? I think I'd lean towards him going but you keeping your home base in your current city, or maybe if you can work from home temporarily/part-time going with him, but renting out your house, etc, and planning on going back after the 2 years (unless something else changes).

I'm in academia, and it's really common for partners to have to live apart for work all the time. It sucks, but definitely doable, especially if the opportunity will be a huge resume boost.

I would send my husband alone to see if it's something he's really interested before I committed to leaving my job. Is there an issue with the contract if he works for a few months, decides it might not be for him, and then leaves?