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We moved from a city neighborhood to the suburbs when my son was 3 months old - he's 13 months now, and at least for me, the suburbs are a much better fit. More space for him to practice crawling/cruising/walking. Nicer parks for us to visit. Not having to lug a stroller up and down lots of steps or on public transport. It's not for everyone - the city has more character! - but I love the convenience. I think the problem might be his job! I hope he finds a new one soon

It's hard to change your lifestyle, but I think you'll really appreciate the space as your LO grows!

We have moved a few times although not really under the same circumstances as you. One thing that stuck with me though is that I read somewhere that it takes 3 years for a new place to feel like home. Whatever I read pointed out that it takes a long time for you to run into grandmother faces at the grivet store, know how to get to IKEA without directions, know the best place for bagels or sushi etc and all of those things really contribute to a places feeling like home.

I hope your husband can find a solution to his work woes though, it's hard to be content in a place when you're spending 40+ hours a week in a situation that you don't like. Best wishes you you guys, I know that resettling can be really hard.

@Cole: I believe that about it taking 3 years. We're 2 1/2 years in and I've finally stopped missing the city so intensely. Maybe our situation has made us appreciate our surroundings a little more and remember why we chose our exact town.

@MrsBeluga: Definitely take advantage of the cultural opportunities downtown so you're not feeling like you're out in the sticks! And as soon as you're able, take baby on road trips! (The one perk of living in Sac )It is a huge adjustment having the responsibility of the house, and eventually you guys will settle into that routine. Every year it becomes a little less new and scary and a little more your home. I hope your husband is able to make things work on the job front! That's an unhappy place to be in.

We went from renting an apartment in a wonderful, eclectic, small town to owning a 5-bedroom home, with a large yard in a sprawling, generic city (for my husband's job prospects & because we couldn't really afford to buy a home in our old town). It was a very, very hard adjustment. I, like your husband, hated my first job. Like, ended up in therapy because I was depressed, hated my job. It was a truly unhealthy place for me. Could you and your husband work out an exit strategy for his job?

We also had a 7 year plan - we would re-evaluate if we wanted to stay in 7 years. We've been here 4 years now and it's feeling much more like home. I don't love it like I loved our last town, so it's nice to know that in 3 years we can look into making a change, whatever that may be.

Something else I got from my therapist when we first moved was that I was actually mourning our old town, jobs, and life. She helped me realize I was grieving for something we loved and left. Thinking of it that way helped me process the move.

Not sure if you were in the South Bay or in SF, but one thing I've heard is that parents in the Valley are so competitive. They hire tutors for their pre-schoolers/kindergardeners so that their kid is identified as top of their class. This is a huge concern of mine because we have considered moving down there for better job opportunities. I don't want my LO to be considered "behind" when she is developmentally appropriate and I definitely don't want that kind of academic pressure on her. Hope that makes you feel a little better!

I promise you will like the bigger space later on! We were in a tiny apartment when LO was born and it was fine but I sooo appreciate the house we are in now that he is running!

Me me me!!! We moved back to our hometown about 2hr from where we were living after my m/c while we were TTC, thinking it made sense to raise our kids close to family, and clean up some debts. Well I HATE IT SO MUCH!!! Now we are kind of stuck for the time being since LO will arrive in July. We basically are taking advantage of the cost of living to pay off student loans and save money. We've had a bunch of conversations, and want to be ready to move back to city by LO's 1st bday. I'm really struggling to be happy here, and not view life as a countdown

I feel you. I'm having why did we buy a house and tie ourselves down regret. I like where we live okay, but there aren't many opportunities career wise for me and I'd rather be living abroad. I'm torn, however, because I have made some good friends here and it's a wonderful place to raise children (not the burbs but family friendly). No real advice but just wanted to empathize with you. I think we are going to give it a few years and reevaluate. Nothing is forever and you can always change your plans if something isn't working. Good luck to you!

@MrsBeluga: We live in the same area and I agree it was a big adjustment after living in an East Coast city for several years before moving here. (And we don't even have the benefit of family nearby!)

It does take several years to adjust to a really new environment and it sounds like you guys made a lot of big life changes at once, so its even tougher. I think it probably seems like its not worth it right now because you're knee deep in new baby stuff, so taking care of a big house is overwhelming. Plus your baby is so young that you're not really able to take advantage of the perks of living in the burbs yet. But I think once your baby is a little bigger, you'll realize how awesome it is to have so many parks to visit and weather that's warm enough to take advantage of the public pools!

Practically speaking, I think your husband just needs to accept that this is his life for now. Making snide remarks about Sac or whatever isn't going to help make him feel better, you know? I also wonder how much of the unhappiness is associated with work vs. the adjustment to parenthood. Because its not as if you'd be out and about in SF sitting at coffee shops or whatever with a 3 month old anyway.

I say contract out what you can (hire a housecleaner, hire a gardener, etc.) and simplify your life as much as you can until your baby is a little bit older. And make a concerted effort to find things to like about the area. Like you said, we basically have no traffic issues, for one thing.

Take advantage of family nearby to go on a few date nights or weekends away. There IS fine dining in Sac that is quite good, and you're an hour from wine country (both in Napa and Amador). You're 2 hours from Tahoe and Lake Shasta (which are wonderful in the summers when its hot as Hades around here) and you can hit up the Davis Farmer's Market on Wednesday nights and Saturdays where there's tons of babies, live music, pony rides, and food to picnic in the grass with. We have local breweries and independent coffee shops in downtown and Midtown, and so much great produce and farm fresh food at a fraction of Bay Area prices through CSAs and the co-ops.

On the flip side of this, I have a ton of friends who live in the Bay Area and are trying to swing it with a baby and it honestly doesn't sound like its much better. Pretty much all my friends are white collar professionals who make good money and almost all of them have had to move outside SF proper. Now, the rents in the East Bay are so expensive that many of them are considering Walnut Creek and Daly City. Add the commute time and the insane daycare rates, and they're just stressed out with the cost of living there. They're not going out to the nice restaurants and bars in their neighborhoods - they barely see their baby on weeknights as it is and it costs too damn much to get a sitter. Giants games? Niners games? Too expensive, too time consuming, nope.

Just give it some time. Hugs!

I also just want to ditto what @gingerbebe said, with a 3 month old you would not be out living the SF life. We still are able to enjoy walks, parks and an occasional brunch with LO. But we always have to leave early and sometimes miss out on entire planned events cause DD is sleeping. So we're not living the SF life we had pre-LO. And sometimes that is hard because our friends sans kids just continue on as usual and get annoyed we can't join in on the fun. Having a baby is an adjustment regardless of where you are!