Hellobee Boards

@Mrs.Someone: I second this!

I think the blog covers IF. I'm happy with the amount of IF posts.

Overall, I notice on both the blog and boards that IF is not a popular topic. (Which can possibly explain why people would hide it.) When it's on the blog, it's not heavily commented on. For one thing, I notice it doesn't show up on the Weekly Highlight posts.

We probably are a 'big wet blanket' everytime we start a new thread or make a comment about how having IF sucks.

I don't have any suggestions though.

@bluestriped bee: I don't think the IF boards are a 'wet blanket' at all! I like keeping track of you ladies. I think for people who haven't experienced it, it might be difficult to know what to say/comment, etc. (Totally off topic, but I had to say it!)

@bluestriped bee: I read all the IF posts but don't comment because I don't feel I have anything to add since I haven't been through it. I don't feel it's a wet blanket at all!

@mrbee: Oh, I guess I see blog topics with over 50 comments and compare those blog posts to the IF threads. Then I'm a little over sensitive because my own IF threads are not that popular.

@swedishfish: @Mrs. Champagne: @Mrs. Twine: Thank you.

ETA: If you look at the IF threads I created, I 'usually' word it in a way that anyone can chime in. For example, the 'Do you plan on doing anything for IF awareness week?' Yay! I was excited that I got responses from non-IFers, too.

@Mrs. Twine: I feel the same way!!

My feeling is that this is a very inclusive blog/forum. But, it can be very very hard to be around some of these posts and such when going through infertility. It is also very difficult for people to talk about infertility for many reasons. I knew that I had to IVF in order to have a baby because of my husband's Cystic Fibrosis. So I hope that I can be vocal enough to help people because I don't have years of pain trying.

On that note, my now best friend but then acquaintance was adopting a baby. She had a baby shower in May. I had already been to my first RE appointment and knew that we were going to be starting. But being at that baby shower was one of the hardest things I have every had to do. Wanted to have a baby and having to wait (and she was adopting so she had been down a path) was so difficult to do.

I could see just being on a forum that had so much positive baby talk could be difficult to do. I don't think you can fix that in any way. If they are gold, they can block some of those posts now. I think you just have to keep it as open as you have and those that are ready will come.

@bluestriped bee: I already mentioned that I hid the intervention part because I have nothing educational to add and never will. There is no comment I could make in any intervention type topic that would be beneficial. I can show support in other ways. However, I'm not going to argue with you about it because it's clearly a sensitive subject for you. I'm sorry you find anything I seem to say offensive.

@bluestriped bee: I don't think the IF community is a wet blanket at all. I lurk on all of the IF threads as I have had a really close friend go through IF but I never comment because I don't have anything constructive or interesting to say!

i also don't think the IF category is a wet blanket at all! I read through those boards often actually, but find I don't comment or contribute as much as to other boards.

For me - I had some struggles getting pregnant and those boards were a lifesaver in the beginning, and now - my sister is dealing with infertility, and has been for the last 2 years - and I find reading through the threads, seeing what people are doing, and hearing what different interventions they are seeking, etc helps me be able to talk to her when I have a 7 month old at home and I am desperate to be as supportive as possible, without saying anything insensitive, and I feel like learning about all of the different things on the boards helps me be able to relate to her much better. sometimes i think she's surprised at how well I know certain things (I threw out something about ICSI and FETs and she was impressed!)

If there are any women who feel like they would want or value support from someone like me (i.e. inexperienced), I would be so much more than happy to offer it. I have always been a silentcheerleader for all of you.

This isn't a suggestion about HB in general, but more for anyone who isn't sure how to support a friend dealing with infertility. In my experience it is far more hurtful when someone knows about your infertility but seems to be ignoring it. Saying the wrong thing can be an annoyance, but not saying anything at all is deeply hurtful. DH and I have a family member who has known about what we're going through and we were there for her when she had her baby. In the beginning we tried to make excuses for her, but as the months went by we've felt more and more hurt by her silence. Trust me, it is always better to say anything, even the wrong thing, than nothing at all.

@citymouse: There are some good articles here:
http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/
One of the best things my friend did for me was to just let me know she was available to listen when I needed to talk.

Like Mrs. Twine, I'd like to show my support in any way I can if that's preferable to being silent!

There are so many boards/threads/blog posts about "what not to say" (to a pregnant woman, to an IFer, to a parent to an adoptee, etc) that sometimes it seems better to not say anything at all. At least that's the sentiment I get. I mean, we even have a board called "peanut gallery" for all the wrong things people say. And while some of it is quite ridiculous/funny... it's taught me to be very very careful before I open my mouth.

I read the IF boards but I'm also afraid of saying the wrong things so I don't comment on them. I'd rather offend someone by not saying anything than by saying something offensive. Not sure if that makes sense. I don't hide the IF boards because I like to know what's going on with other HBers but I haven't commented much.

First of all, I think HB does a great job supporting those who have suffered pregnancy loss or IF. We experienced secondary IF before getting our BFP thru IUI last month, and it was so nice to have an anonymous place to share what we were going through.

Second, I kind of cringe when I see "what not to say" type of articles, bc everyone is different and shouldn't be treated the same. And maybe I'm in the minority, but I'd much rather see the "wrong" comments and hopefully create some dialogue. I think it would be much better than having all these HBers staying silent bc they don't want to offend anyone.