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@bluestriped bee: I comment on the IF threads all the time having had no personal experience. I always wonder if you guys think that I'm a butt-in-ski and should just be quiet

Another silent cheerleader here! Since I got pregnant without any IF issues, I don't feel like it's fair for me to chime in on IF discussions, but I do read them because I want to know how different members are doing on their journeys. It's so sensitive that sometimes it feels like the best thing to do is be respectfully quiet. Having said that, knowing that our ladies in the IF community want more participation in their threads, I'll try to chime in when I feel I can from now on!

Here's the thing, at least for me....

When I respond to a topic (I am not a huge thread starter), I read every single post before I actually reply. If there have been 10 comments that all express the same thing, I am probably not going to just repeat the sentiments for the sake of having commented. I think we all have personal pity parties once in a while, it's fine, don't get me wrong on that front.

I also feel like I have to add disclaimers to my posts (I am older, I am the mom of a boy, I have no IF issues, I wear white before memorial day) lest I offend someone or they don't understand the background to my particular situation.

I think the community is generally supportive, but think about it, if I start a thread about how to deal with my toddler's naps in daycare, and someone with no experience in that topic responds, how likely do you think I am to take that information to heart? Is writing "I understand" or "I feel for you" something that is going to make the situation better? Probably not. Is it nice you took the time to read the thread? Yes. Tha'ts community.

I hope you guys can understand where I am coming from, please understand that there was no intent to attack or criticize.

I do think the new "hide a thread" function is a great feature that can help those who have had a miscarriage, IF, or just struggling to get pregnant. As someone who miscarried and is still trying to get pregnant 8 months later it's sometimes depressing to go to the boards and read some threads (I know the birth month is a hard one for most). On the other hand it's nice to see those like you successfully get pregnant. I think the community is supportive, it's just a hard thing to go through.

I agree with pp about there is no right way because we're all different. I can write about IF until my fingers fall off, but the reality is I'll never make the personal connection with every single IFer because each of us are on a different journey. We're a small group of women. We have to accept that there will always be more mothers on a parenting website than there will be women with infertility.

Personally, I feel like there are a lot more infertile and adoptive bloggers here than are representative of real life.

@runnerd: I think if people haven't been through a loss, they don't know that you can still be dealing with the pain months later, especially if you're still struggling to conceive. I have some friends that in general are really awesome and amazing. But after I told them about the early miscarriage I had everyone was really sympathetic, but in the 6 months after that it took to get pg again, none of them ever checked in with me to see how I was doing. My poor husband took the brunt of my sadness and fear of never getting pregnant.

I think HB is a very supportive and positive community. When I went through my 2 miscarriages, it was a great place to get support when I needed it and to just read about other people's experiences. I went through acupuncture for about 4 months to relax my body and I'm about to have my first baby any day now! @mrbee and @mrsbee, you guys have created a great site and I appreciate how you are always trying to make it better and better.