Hear me out! We are going to a wedding out of town this weekend in which my DH is a groomsman (kiddos staying behind with the ILs!) It's a college friend of his. DH and I met post-college so, although I know them through events such as this, I'm not close to them. DH will be doing wedding events all day and the ceremony (catholic mass) is at 3 pm. I'd go to the ceremony solo. Then the wedding party does a party bus until the reception at 530. I'm tempted to just meet DH at the reception. I know the groom but haven't even met the bride. I'm sure no one will even notice I wasn't there except another groomsman's wife. It'd be nice to just have the day to myself (which is selfish, but also a rarity!). Don't let my obvious preference sway your vote. Honest opinion, what would you do?
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Not voting because what I would do, and what I think you should do, are different. I would probably just go, do my own thing in between. But, if you really don't care about the ceremony, whatever, don't go! I really don't think it's a big deal. If anyone asks say you had a headache.
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I think it's rude to miss the wedding 95% of the time. If you don't know the bride or groom well, it would be the 5% of the time I think it would be okay. Some people skip the wedding ceremonies all the time and just go the reception but honestly it rubs me the wrong way. Why even go at all? You are missing the most important part in lieu of the free party. I think your situation is unique though and I would not feel bad in your case.
ETA: Although I wouldn't feel bad if I skipped, if it were me, I would attend the wedding. You came from out of town anyway. I've done a few solo weddings where DH was a groomsman and it wasn't bad.
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I would go. But just because I'd feel bad not going. I actually don't think it's rude at all not to go. I don't think it's that big of a deal.
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I think it's rude not to go. I'm catholic so to me the wedding ceremony at the church is the sacrament of marriage. The reception is just a party.
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@Mamasig: I'm catholic and I believe there were some guests that intentionally skipped the wedding because it was held in a Catholic Church. Something about catholics having a super long service. I didn't know this until long after the wedding. I didn't have communion at my wedding (which pissed off my aunt and mom) but did it because I didn't want DH's family (not catholic) and friends to sit through a longer service. Plus, there were other reasons. I actually heard from non-Catholics that they enjoyed the service. Thumbs up in my book.
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@Mamasig: I do agree, even though I'm not Catholic. I'm just torn because I wouldn't be going at all if not for DH's relationship with them. If I skip, it'd be the first time I've done that. I think it's be better if I could at least hang out with DH immediately following. But I'll basically go alone, see 2 people I don't know that well marry, then leave alone. Guess I dont entirely see the point
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@Amelieisme: Do you know if they will have a cocktail hour or something before the reception starts? Do you know if they are taking pictures after the wedding? You could follow them to the picture site. Your DH won't be busy the whole time (family pics, bride and groom only pics) so you can spend some time with him. Maybe you can ask the bride or groom if they need any help with anything while pictures are being taken. Grab water bottles for them to drink. Not that you want to 'work' during it but I'm sure it's great to offer help. It could get you to know the bride more and his and her family. Since I'm sure you'll chit chat with the family that's there. Then you'll know more people at the reception.
Oh, maybe you can ask the other bridesmaids and groomsmen what their SO are doing. You guys are all in the same boat. -
I wouldn't go. Seriously, the bride and groom have so much going on they aren't even going to notice that you weren't there. I would enjoy my day to myself and then meet up with DH at the reception.
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@bluestriped bee: good point about the cocktail hour. I don't know honestly. The schedule just says the wedding party will be doing a party bus so I assumed they would be going somewhere and I wouldn't be invited. Not feeling slighted, just was wondering what I'd do during that time. But you're right they'll prob have a cocktail hour. We'll see. I'll be at the rehearsal dinner so I can kind of feel things out there
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I'd skip it and go to the reception, I don't think it's a big deal since you don't know the couple very well.
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From what you say, I think you'd be fine to just arrive at the reception. Maybe I'm currently feeling antisocial, but if I was in your position I probably would cherish some time to do your own thing for a few hours! The only thing that would keep me there would be if DH felt strongly about it...which is a whole other scenario.
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@Amelieisme: @bluestriped bee: I had a catholic wedding with a gap. I know it's annoying for guests, and if people didn't make it to the church- I still don't even know about it 6 years later. We had a 1.5-2 hour gap between the end of the ceremony and the start of cocktail hour, which is pretty common among my circle for catholic weddings- church won't start later, reception won't start earlier. I would guess that this wedding is similar. So because of that, I wouldn't feel bad skipping in your situation. If I found out someone did this at our wedding, I wouldn't care one bit.
The wedding invitation should say what time the reception starts?
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Do you know for sure you're not invited on the bus? I was my friend's date to a wedding in college, and I was included on the bus after the ceremony.
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@Foodnerd81: I was worried about the gap and so I made sure there was an extended cocktail hour with some food to accommodate people during this gap. I think it took about a 20 minutes drive from the church to the reception site and I think they had about 30 minutes before the cocktail hour started. I had pictures done at the reception site so there were people who came early and I didn't mind. My venue ended up offering the food early for guests.
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i think it's rude not to go to the ceremony and even more rude if your DH is a groomsman! it doesn't matter how much you know or don't know them. if you're invited to a ceremony and reception and you are attending, then you go to both.
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It sounds mean, but do you think anyone would even notice if you weren't at the ceremony? Probably not! Ha. I'd totally skip it, and just join him at the reception.
You're bringing a gift, right?
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Personally, I find it rude when people go to the reception (a.k.a. the free party) after skipping the ceremony which is actually the important part of the day. Especially if your DH is close enough to the groom to be a groomsman.
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What does your DH think? I'd be inclined to skip the ceremony if I didn't know the people.
Enjoy the afternoon to yourself.
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@bluestriped bee: I would totally not do this. I think it would be weird and clingy if the spouse of a wedding party member tagged along for pictures just to spend time with him/her.
If it were me, I'd attend the ceremony (only because I like weddings), but it sounds like it would be fine if you only attended the reception. Since you're not close to the couple, they wouldn't be offended (or even notice). Can you and the other groomsmen's wife play hooky together?
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@HabesBabe: oh, I think I've been a SO of a groomsmen once and the bride let the SOs tag along. It wasn't a big deal to her for us to come along. As for being around when pictures were being taken, I've done this once but that's because I was part of the family that needed to get pictures taken. I think the rest of the non family guests were enjoying the cocktail hour. I was just thinking that as a family member waiting to take pics, there was a bunch of down time. So I could see how a SO could stick around her groomsmen.
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@Amelieisme: How close is the hotel from the church and the reception? If it's not far, you could go back to the hotel. Relax in the room, get out of your shoes for a little while.
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I wouldn't skip the ceremony, it is after all the point of the day (not the party). You weren't invited to the wedding so you could have a day to yourself, if that's something you need, I would schedule it another time. I was in a Catholic wedding of a good friend and one of the other bridesmaids' husbands skipped the ceremony and the rest of us were all pretty appalled, so I wouldn't be so sure no one would notice you were missing. I had never met this guy until the rehearsal dinner but still noticed his absence at the wedding. Lastly, if my husband skipped out on a ceremony that I was a bridesmaid in, I would be bummed.
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I'd be skipping the church if it were me - Im used to big orthodox weddings to which 350 people have been invited, so many don't go to the church ceremony. Enjoy your morning to yourself, have a nice lunch and relaxing afternoon and get ready for the reception as fresh as a daisy!
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I was in this exact situation last summer...I sort of knew the groom, didn't know the bride, and DH was a groomsman. It was a beautiful part of the country I had never been to before, I was kid-free...I wanted to explore!!
It was an outdoor wedding so it would have been slightly more obvious had I not gone. So I went. And it was mildly awkward because I didn't know one other person there so and to sit solo.
I did skip the cocktail hour since Dh was off takinf pictures and I literally didn't know any other guest. I went back to the hotel and relaxed and met him at the reception later on.
Moral of the story is, I went because I had a guilty conscience but it was a bit awkward. I'm still glad I went though because it helped me meet the guests a bit for dinner - the groom introduced me to the people I would be sitting with at the reception.
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I'm catholic but I say skip! Catholic weddings are usually pretty long and that wouldn't be much fun if you don't know the people getting married. As long as your husband is cool with it, I don't see the harm in skipping!
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I think it's rude not to go to the ceremony. It's kind of the whole point of it.
I'm not even remotely religious and have sat through super long catholic ceremonies in a unconditioned church in the dead of summer!
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I would skip it - no one will even know that you weren't there!
Meet DH at the reception and have fun!
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The whole point of a weddin is the ceremony. I think it's poor form to skip the important part but still attend the free party. you can spend time alone before the ceremony and in between.
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I feel like a lot of people think that no one will notice if they're at the ceremony or not...I've been to quite a few wedding where the cermony was thinly attended and then the reception is like 500 people, lol.
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In this case, I'd probably go. My husband has had to sit and watch me take part in a couple weddings and I appreciated him being there.
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I'd go to see my husband in the bridal party. I know he would like to see me in the pew for moral support. Even though he's going to be busy with wedding stuff, you're his spouse. You should be there to support him even if you don't care about the bride and groom. You'll be eating the food and drinking the drink they provide at the reception, you should put in the time to celebrate their union at the church.
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Depends how close it is. If it's an hour drive, I would skip. If it's pretty close, I'd go!
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I would either go to the whole wedding or skip it entirely.
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@Amelieisme: I would probably skip it. I would be put off that DH wouldn't be able to spend the middle time with you bc he will be on the party bus. Spouses should be allowed also. I understand pictures and all that, but really...
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In this situation if you have no one else to sit with, do not know the family/couple personally I would skip the ceremony. Normally I think you should attend both unless special circumstance, but this...I think is a special circumstance. you don't know them, you don't really know anyone else, honestly no one will miss you being there. However, I would be sure to be at the reception right away.
We purposely only had family/close friends to our ceremony and extended family/friends to our reception. I know not everyone feels this way but I wanted a smaller ceremony of those closest to us watch us take our vows but wanted a kickass party!
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In our culture, it's totally normal to skip the formalities of the wedding and just go grub so I'd say skip. Although, sometimes I feel like it's a bit rude, but it's a cultural thing so I turn the blind eye.
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I think its incredibly rude to skip the ceremony - especially since DH is in the wedding. DH and I met long after college and we've both been in weddings where the other person only knew the couple getting married and people in the wedding party.
@Amelieisme: Since DH is a groomsman, I assume you are going to the rehearsal dinner. You will meet other spouses of wedding party members then. Its a good opportunity for you to get to know that circle of friends (and their spouses) a little bit more.
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Honestly, I don't think it's rude not to go. I feel like most of the weddings I've attended ( including mine) the majority of guests were not at the ceremony but came to the reception - to each their own, and I'm Catholic. Sometimes it's not feasible to make it to the ceremony but then go to the reception.
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I think it is really rude to skip the ceremony but till attend the reception. The ceremony is the whole point if attending and I feel like of you plan on eating someone's food and drink at their reception the. You should be able to put yourself out for their ceremony.
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