The other telling your boss question made me think about this-- if you know you are planning to be a SAHM once you have the baby, when did you or will you tell work that you aren't coming back?
Seems like a fine line between being a jerk, and watching out for your own interests first. Feel free to mention if you get paid leave and how big your company is.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
We are still TTC, but I have every intention of being a SAHM when the time comes. But, I don't plan to tell work until my paid leave is up, because that's what I have always heard you should do, and there is always a chance that something goes wrong-- DH loses his job, turns out I'm going insane at home, whatever. But, I work for a big company, and to be honest, I don't think anyone will be THAT surprised if/when I don't come back. And I feel like I've put in the time for any paid leave that I get, so I better get paid for it. My insurance is with DH's company, so that's not an issue.
pomelo / 5178 posts
I knew I would not be returning once my second was born, so I tendered my resignation at 6 months pregnant, and I made my last day my EDD. My EDD happened to be the first of the month, so I knew I would be covered on that insurance at least for the birth/delivery. I ended up going into labor 1 week early, so I used 1 week of my PTO to carry me out until my official resignation date (in my state, accrued PTO must be paid out when an employee terminates). I did not receive any maternity leave pay, but I did receive all of my accrued PTO paid out in my last paycheck.
I think maternity leave laws in this country make this a difficult decision for women to make, but I'd encourgae any woman who may not return to work after childbirth to check your specific company's rules/policies. Many companies do charge women penalties (such as repaying health insurance premiums) if they do not return for a defined period of time after maternity leave.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@Honeybee: Yeah, I've read that about the insurance stuff. Since I am on DH's I don't think it would matter for me, but it's something I'll ask HR about when the time comes.
pomelo / 5789 posts
If my health insurance wasn't through work, I would consider telling them but right now more than ever I need my health insurance. Plus if I were to tell them they may let me go immediately and I need the income. I hate "lying" too, but the reality is a company would do whatever's best for them in a heartbeat.....so we just have to look after our own interests.
coconut / 8681 posts
My direct supervisor told me that if I decide to stay home I should wait to officially tell work until my paid leave is up because my insurance is through my work. That's what I plan on doing. It feels kind of sleazy but the people at my work don't/won't mind and they realize it's something that kind of has to be done. I will be telling them right before my leave is up.
Also, even though I've basically known that I'll be staying home it is always good to have going back to work as an option. Just in case we end up needing the income, I don't love being a SAHM as much as anticipated, etc.
persimmon / 1026 posts
Once my husband and I decided I would be a SAHM, I gave my boss 2 months notice to be nice as I wanted to leave on good terms and keep him and other supervisors as references in case I went back to work in the future.
I made sure to use up most of my vacation time before I gave my notice. My husband and I also prepared ourselves financially in case my supervisor were to tell me they didn't need me to stay the 2 full months and that they were going to replace me sooner. Luckily that didn't happen but you never know. I would have been paid for 2 weeks maternity leave if I stayed - I have heard that companies have the right to charge fees or penalties if a mother was to quit the day her maternity leave was up so I would not have risked that.
pomegranate / 3452 posts
I went down to a PT work schedule when my husband and I moved (3 months before getting pregnant) and told my work at 8 weeks that I would not be returning after baby. I think it depends on your needs, and your relationship with your boss/company.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@mrbee: You're right not all companies are like that. Most of my working career has been for really large corporations that would fire someone at the drop of a hat, so I've always been cautious.
pomegranate / 3275 posts
I ended up becoming a SAHM after my second was born because I was in a new job as a teacher and wasn't going to get 12 weeks of leave (which would have taken me to the end of the school year). I figured this all out at about 34 weeks or so, and I knew I had to quit. My Principal was actually really cool about it and we made my last day my c-section date. However, DS decided to come early (two weeks) and I'm pretty sure I still got paid up through my technical last day.
I wasn't going to get paid during maternity leave so my Principal told me that it was financially smarter to quit before the baby was born, because then I wouldn't owe them money.
I was actually really pleased how it all went down, because if my Principal wanted to he could have held my certificate for breaking contract which would look horrible when I do return to work.
grapefruit / 4669 posts
I don't know when I'm gonna tell work! I'm 23 weeks and they have just assumed that I'm coming back (though I don't intend to)--no one, including my boss, has actually asked what my plans are for when the baby arrives.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@tororojo: I'm not positive, but I suspect legally, they CAN'T ask you what your plans are.
I'm planning on going back to work, but my boss never asked about my plans either.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@tororojo: Ditto. Not one person has even thought to ask if I'm coming back. The women have been suggesting daycares, etc.
grapefruit / 4669 posts
@Adira: You'd think they would ask about taking leave or something though, right? My boss hasn't even brought that up. I guess at some point I'll just say "surprise! my last day is ___ and I'm never coming back!"
@travelingbrit: Crazy...do you know what you're gonna do/when you're gonna say something?
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@tororojo: My boss just told me about FMLA and said that if I needed any help with anything, to just let him know. He also asked when my due date was so that they could find a replacement while I was gone. But he never asked about how long I would be out or if I was coming back or anything. I ended up offering up that information just because I wanted to make sure my position would still be here when I wanted to come back.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@tororojo: For all intents and purposes, I "will be back" 12 weeks after the delivery.
Once I have the baby, SO and I will once again evaluate all the options (despite that we're heavily leaning one direction). If we're still on board and can afford it, will make sure all insurance stuff is figured out then go from there.
So basically - no clue 
grapefruit / 4669 posts
@Adira: I bet if I asked my boss right now, he couldn't say what month I'm due. There are no other women of child-bearing age around here, so maybe he just has no clue what to do...whatevs. I don't think anyone has ever used FMLA in our workplace; it's a pretty small organization and there's not much turnover.
@travelingbrit: Sounds like a plan! I can't decide if I should go that route or not...basically I just want to get paid for all my vacation and sick time before the paychecks stop coming. But our company is so small that I can't ask about how to do that without basically telling them that I'm leaving. So I'm just waiting it out. Also I'm kind of hoping DH gets a new job and we move, giving me an easy out for quitting!
pomelo / 5178 posts
@tororojo: You might check your state laws, first. In some states, accrued PTO is considered a "property right" and employers are required to pay it out at the employee's termination.
pear / 1837 posts
My supervisor was really awesome about this- I think it helps that she has two little kids of her own, and had her second three months before my LO was born (she was still on leave when I went out on maternity leave).
I knew I wanted to come back to work, but my supervisor really stressed that things can always change, and that I should wait till the baby came to make any final decisions about if/when to come back. I came back to work at 9 weeks pp, but I think she'd have been great if I'd said "you know, I think I need more (unpaid) time off" or "I'm going to stay at home now." She took 6 months leave after her second kid was born, and then only worked 3 days/week till he was a year old.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
I'm pretty sure there are rules that they can't ask you when you are coming back until a certain time (like, close to when your leave is up). Not sure though. I get 6 or 8 weeks paid leave, then I think I can take another 6 weeks unpaid, so I figure if at the point that my paid leave is up, if I still want to stay at home, I'll let them know then.
I was worried that people who ask about daycares, etc, but since I know we will move after we have a baby, I plan to use that as my excuse for not having a plan. And as for asking about policies, I think I will phrase it along the lines of, I'm still working out daycare, but just in case, what is the policy if I dont come back, or something. But that would be to HR who is different than my boss.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@tororojo: Sounds super similar to what I'm going through. Plus I have short term disability through work. My man is also looking for a new job nationwide. Easy out!
pomelo / 5789 posts
@Foodnerd81: I have the 6/8 weeks paid leave too! When people ask me about daycare, I just say that we're going to work it out after the baby's here.
pomelo / 5789 posts
After saying that no-one has asked me yet, I just got asked by a coworker if I was coming back!
I said uhhh I think so. We need to evaluate our finances and childcare options once baby comes.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@travelingbrit: Haha figures. At least you were mentally prepared
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
My situation is a little different because I work for one person. We don't have the typical employee/employer relationship. She knows that my husband and I are undergoing fertility treatments right now and asks me for updates all the time. We've talked about raising children before many times and she knows that I'd like to be home while my LOs are young. She knows that when I get pregnant I won't be working once the baby comes. Although she would probably let me bring my baby to work so I have thought about working a couple days a week still.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@Running Elley: How long until your leave is up and you will need to tell work? Wondering how the conversation went/will go.
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