I grew up in NYC and all of my family is there. My husband grew up in Upstate NY and most of his family is here.
While dating and getting married we knew we would eventually have to make a decision on where to settle down and raise our family. We belabored over it for a year plus. We weighed many pros and cons of NYC vs this "small" city we live now.
Things like cost of living, environment in which we raise how our children, how we want to raise our children, etc.

We were really quite split because either decision would leave one of us deserting our family.

Ultimately, in a way, the decision was made for us. My husband has 2 older brothers. The eldest one is in the Air Force stationed in GA and although he's out next year god knows what his plans are. The middle brother passed away suddenly almost two years ago right before Christmas. Just prior to this my ILs who had moved down to GA to be near the grandkids made the decision to move back to Upstate within the next two years. With my BIL's passing we decided that we needed to stay here so that we can "take care" of my ILs in the future. We didn't want to leave them in their retirement with no immediate family, kids or grandkids nearby.

That's not the main reason of why we ultimately chose to stay in Upstate NY but it was the push that caused us to make a final decision.

It's a hard decision still to live with day to day. I'm not near my mom and with the recent switch in the culture of daugher's obligation to take care of moms it's even harder. But I feel comfort in knowing she at least has my 2 older brothers to take care of her. It hurts not seeing my niece and nephews day to day and to miss so much of their life. When my brother fell ill I felt guilty for not being closer. I feel guilty my mom will miss out on so much of our kid's lives.

But, we're adults, we make a decision and we live with it. Ultimately, this is a great place to raise a family. And I know our kids will always be exposed to the big city life because we'll visit often.

How did you make your decision on where to raise a family?