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I would definitely try to have her disinvited or if not, say frankly to her that you've seen your son nearly get hurt in past interactions with her child and so you are concerned - would she please have a chat with her son about being gentle with the baby before they come (I'm sure it's because he's not used to being around such small babies, etc). If all else fails, I have no problem correcting the boy in person. Just don't be squeamish or awkwardly passive about it - just do it matter of factly but friendly no big deal way.

So...I'm assuming you paid for the cabin and/or splitting with in laws? Um is the cousin paying to stay at the cabin too?

If her son is that big of a bully I doubt she doesn't know. If they do end up coming I would just intervene when necessary! I'm sure your mama bear will come out!

@Cchoi4: This.

We went on a vacation with my in-laws a few years ago, back before we had kids. My SIL's 5 year old was there. He's a sweet boy now, but at that age, definitely acted up more. When SIL didn't immediately handle it, Hubs or I did! We treated him as if he was our own (even though we didn't have kids at the time) and gave warnings and even put him in time out! SIL wasn't offended and probably was glad someone was handling the situation (I assume - she was there and didn't interfere at least).

But I also agree that it's super rude to invite yourself to someone else's vacation. Tell her there's no room for her and her son and they can't stay with you!

I absolutely remind my nieces/nephews and my husband's niece and nephew how to be gentle with our LO--none of them are unruly or naughty kids at all--but they are KIDS, so they are unaware that they are bigger and stronger and can knock LO around more easily.

I also have no issue calling them out--DH's niece and nephew are 4.5 and 7, so they are at the age of "tattle taling", but being old enough to conveniently leave their own actions out--so for example, the 4.5 year old would run to me and say "M hit my arm!" (M being my 22 month old), and I have to gently say, "well, honey, you grabbed her toy from her and you pushed her, so at her age she's doing the only thing she knows to get her toy back. Can you practice asking for a toy, rather than grabbing it from her hands?".

And yes, we have these conversations right in front of their parents.

And I redirect the older ones a LOT--they lovvvvve playing with my LO but don't leave her alone--like, they constantly get up in her face, pinching her cheeks, rubbing her hair quite roughly, "hugging" her constantly--and LO gets tired of it. So I find an activity to engage the older ones and get them away from LO for a while.

I don't think their parents are purposely ignoring it-I think they are out of the stage of parenting where they have to constantly monitor their children, so they just aren't used to it anymore.

I disagree, I actually do not appreciate it when my brother and SIL reprimand my son. That is my job and I handle it with consistent words and consequences. I make it a point not to intervene in my nephew's actions and let his parents handle it. I handle my son.

@looch: I feel like it would depend on the situation. If the parent is right there and actively monitoring their child and disciplining, then obviously I wouldn't step in and take over. But if I'm the one interacting with the child and they do something that requires discipline, it only makes sense that I handle it as I'm the adult in the situation. I don't think it would make sense to have their parent dole out discipline some time later after the event. Of course, depending on the age of the child. With toddlers, I feel like you need to react immediately. Even 5 minutes later, they probably won't really understand that you're putting them in timeout for something that happened earlier.

@Adira: I think you're right, it depends. But I know my son and I choose what kind of discipline to apply to my son for transgressions. Time outs are meaningless to my son, not because he doesn't understand them, but because we don't use them as they only rile him up further. A person imposing one could do more harm than good. I just ask people to think about that before they attempt to apply discipline to children other than their own.

@Adira: even then, if the cousin wasn't stepping in, I would just remove my son. I didn't realize I felt so strongly about not disciplining a child other than my son.

If he's not too big to carry, maybe pick up the three year old every time he misbehaves, bring him over to one of his parents, and tell them "he was not behaving. Please talk to him." It would get him away from your son, and force the parents to pay attention!