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ugh, one day at a time. DS is almost 3 and I think I noticed behavior changes since 18 months. Preschool helped a lot with channeling his energy and also positively directing his independence. Other than that, I would say take it slowly with patience, choose your battles, and remind yourself that (s)he is just a child figuring out his own emotions/independence/boundaries and it is not malicious (even though sometimes you feel otherwise).

A couple of tips-
-offer something between two choices (not endless choices). That way they feel empowered but it is manageable for you and doesn't take forever for them to choose.

-acknowledge their feelings when they are about to melt down or during a meltdown. "i know you feel sad/frustrated about this. Mommy knows. But we should do this because..."

-Ask things nicely and with a smile. Sometimes this works for us, sometimes it doesn't. But it is certainly better than a stern face all the time.

-Try to be as consistent about consequences as possible.

-Remember it will pass!

@mrsjazz: I just snorted and nodded my head

@mrsjazz: oh yes.

We give choices as well.

We also do a lot of First / Then, e.g. First you need to put on your jammies, then you can go read books.

We really prep transitions (5-minute, 2-minute, 1-minute warnings) so he knows what to expect next.

I find that toddlers understand quite a bit and if we can get down to his level and explain things to him then we can circumvent tantrums more easily. I think it was from NurtureShock (or some other book) where it says to speak to you child as if you were the CEO of a company so you remain level-headed and rational.