Hellobee Boards

@Mrs. Carrot: @irene: me too! Same as what you wrote. I had a lot of anxiety and depression issues when our first was born and after a hospital stay, etc. My therapist specialized in CBT and it’s evidence based. It’s not a quick fix but it helped me understand why my brain processes things like it does and create ways to reframe my thinking. Very very helpful for me.

@foodiebee: I work in leadership development and Crucial Conversations is one of our textbooks. While I do love this book and highly recommend it, it focuses more on effective conversations and conflict management, so it's not quite the same as CBT, which is more focused on retraining your brain on how you react and identifying triggers based on historical experiences/conditioning. Both are great tools!

I'm trained in CBT as a therapist, and have used it to help people correct abusive/violent behaviors, criminal behaviors, anxiety, depression, and in substance abuse treatment. It can be highly effective and is evidence based.
There are many self-help books that could be a place to start. CBT is basically the idea that every behavior has a thought that proceeds it, and that thought comes from the way we experience the world (our beliefs about the world). By paying closer attention to our behaviors, and the thoughts connected to them, we can begin to notice patterns that will help us examine our beliefs about the world.

And honestly, to answer your question about how do I manage my own buttons- I take medication for anxiety. Another very helpful option.

@Mrs. Carrot: I like The Anxiety and Worry workbook. The nice thing about CBT is it’s very accessible and once you get the big picture I feel like any of the workbooks can be helpful

I have been through 2 short therapy treatments with a therapist to address anxiety and panic disorder. The first time it was about 5 sessions over 2 months. The second time, about 3 years later, was about 9 sessions over maybe 4 months, and that time ended this past December. Both therapists used CBT and it was highly effective for me. Since finishing my most recent round of therapy, I have felt so much better all around and haven’t had a panic attack in nearly 2 months. I’m also much less irritable. I feel so zen in general right now and it’s a huge improvement for me and our family. You do have to work at it on your own to “rewire” your thinking process and belief system. I’ve also been trying to do what I call mindful breathing at least twice a day to find that zen place and it has been very helpful. I’m the type of person who would rather go to a therapist than get started with a self help book, but I’m sure it could be a great tool once you work through the main points of your issue with a therapist.

@irene: prefacing this by stating I am not a therapist. But your most recent post totally made me think of some info my therapist gave me. Look up cognitive distortions, specifically: control fallacies, shoulds, and fallacy of change. You don’t necessarily have to give up what you believe, but CBT can help you figure out why you believe those things and how you can manage those beliefs in a healthier way.

I’ll give a personal example. I have a catastrophizing fallacy around illness. So I “believe” that every little illness or headache or whatever is something even worse, like cancer or imminent death. It sounds crazy and I know it sounds crazy, but it gives me an enormous amount of anxiety. My therapist helped me understand why I do this and how to change my belief around this. I still do it a little, but I don’t get the crippling anxiety that I had before.

ETA https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/

@irene: I have similar beliefs. It was straining my marriage, my friendships, and my childcare situation. So I had to get help for the healthiness of those relationships. I still have the same beliefs for myself but I am better ahout holding others to impossibly high standards and giving them grace. I am also better about giving myself grace when outside circumstances interrupt my ability to accomplish tasks, do things the way they need to be done, etc.