I'm overwhelmed and stressed out, peops. I'm sure I will be okay again really soon...... but this summer seems never ending (you will understand that statement soon).

My DH works at a shop during the day. The hours are long - he starts at 7.30am some mornings, 8am others. He has to work every other Saturday morning, too. He also has a second job - he's a a sound engineer. This summer, he has accepted gigs most weekends (all day Saturdays and sometimes all night until the early hours, too). To do this, he has had to juggle his day-job Saturdays, so he will be working Saturday mornings for the foreseeable. There is no discussing this with him - he says we need the money (we don't but we have different priorities). I had to ask him to cancel a gig he had accepted on the day of our daughters first birthday party. My husband is 100% completely dedicated to our family and he works hard for us. He also does a lot of housework, cooking, laundry etc. He doesn't stop either!! I him.

I've just started a new job. I commute 30 miles each way. It used to be 100 each way - but I only went in a couple of times per week and worked from home the rest. Now I have to go to work every single day. I drop Elliott at 7.30am Mon-Weds and pick her up gone 5. Then I have to drive home - by then, she's exhausted and grumpy. DH drops her at nursery Thurs and Fri - they are my "easy days" because I get to leave half an hour later and get ready in peace!

It's the mornings that are the hardest. I've always been terrible in the mornings. Because DH has to leave to early, I do E's breakfast every single day. She wrestles the spoon off me, has mini-tantrums and it's really stressful! Then I grab a super quick shower while DH watches her, quickly before he leaves the house. I have to get ready every morning while watching a crazy pulling-up adventure-baby who, when she's not doing dangerous stunts, gets bored and whines!!

Then the weekend comes and everyone at work has "that Friday feeling" and I know that 6.15am Saturday morning it will all start again. No lie-ins or pub gardens for me! Plus I've got meals to plan, shopping to do, the house to clean, my mum to deal with (she always *needs* something)... I could say to DH "You are solo parenting on Sunday" and take off somewhere but a) it's the only family time we get and b) I don't want to go out, I want to stay in bed! But I can't sleep with DH and E downstairs.....

I don't sleep well. I never have. I need silence, complete dark, the works and I just don't have it with DH's snoring, his reading in bed, E's coughing in the night, DH coming in after a gig at 1am, my head full of work stuff..... I'm so tired. Then there's the cleaning. Yes, I know the house doesn't have to be perfect.... but I get anxious when it's not. I can't relax when it's not. I'm looking at it now (E is napping) and I feel physically sick because there's so much out of place.............

........... I've got good systems. No, I've got GREAT systems for keeping on top of stuff but with leaving the house earlier now and with E being so much more demanding I'm no longer getting to hoover every morning. Sometimes, I don't get to empty the dishwasher. I'm fitting everything in in the evening, it's all good - but it's wearing me down. I feel like I never stop........

...... and now to the final straw. DH is on a course for work and staying away for two days (Weds/Thurs) next week so I wont have anyone to help with anything - i will even need to do the Thursday drop off. I'm going to have to leave E crying in her cot to take a shower. Plus, he's taking the good car, so I will have to get E into a Nissan Micra with no back doors every morning. Oh and on the Wednesday I'm supposed to be in a meeting in London (3 hours away) but who's going to pick E up? I'm going to have to cancel my meeting (my boss will understand, I'm sure). Then I got home Friday to a letter from the health visitor casually informing me she will be visiting us at 2pm on Wednesday for E's 12 month check. No "is that convenient?".... I work FFS. I'm not a SAHM. I wanted to smash something! AAAAARGH!

So that's me. I'm stressed and overwhelmed. I'm doing the "big shop" today, then taking my mum to look at sofas for her new flat. D is being really hard work this morning - she gets bored so easily. I just wish this summer was over so I at least get DH back on Saturdays. This is the fourth Saturday in a row he has had a gig - and he's doing a festival next weekend.

If you've made it this far, thank you for listening to my vent. I needed to get it out. I felt really dizzy last night after I read that letter - you know how you feel if you get into a bath that's too hot? Then I remembered that the bath feeling is due to raised blood pressure, so I lay down and did some deep breathing. I need a break!!