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we just try to fully throw ourselves in to the holiday spirit without spending money. traditions like getting our tree, drinking hot cocoa, driving to look at the lights, making Christmas cookies, etc... plus spending time with our family just doing little things.I love the holiday spirit, Christmas carols, etc. I just try to embrace that all!!

Last year on my side we stopped doing adult gifts. This year on DH side we've decided to sponsor a family for Christmas instead of buying gifts for adults.

I think it's important to help children realize that the holidays are also a season of giving. That being said I hope to sponsor a family each year and go volunteer at least once during the holiday season. I'm not sure yet what will be a age appropriate volunteer activity for a 20 month old. But we volunteered at the city mission before. We sat in the kitchen and snapped green beans for 3 hours for their thanksgiving dinner! She might be too young to understand what we're doing but it's never too young to start imo!

@deerylou: I'm struggling with similar feelings about the holidays.
In my situation, my family is the one who rips through gifts one after the other. My DH is very turned off by it.
I worry about the grandparents spoiling LO rotten (is there any way to stop them?), I worry about our home being taken over by CRAP (more quantity than quality in the gifts we are given).
I want the holidays to be about more than presents. I want special memories and traditions. I want to give back to the less fortunate somehow (tough when you already don't have much yourself).
And I also worry about LO becoming spoiled. My nephew is almost 14 and he is a BRAT. I love him dearly but he is a 100% spoiled rotten brat and I think the way my family handles Christmas is the reason! We don't do anything together except getting together the day of for eating and exchanging gifts. We give too much and he makes comments like "is that all?" It's terrible!
My family is also not religious, so I'm looking for answers outside of church.

@beaker: on my side it was along time coming. We have found ourselves struggling to find useful gift ideas for each other. So last year I just talked to my SIL and said why don't we just not do gifts for each other and concentrate on the kids?
I think when everyone has children it's easy to take adults out of the equation. My mom will still be getting a gift from us though!

As for DH's side. Dh and I decided we are going to stop getting gift for each other. We are not well of by any stretch of the word. But what we definitely are is more fortunate than a lot of other families in this country. We decided regardless we will sponsor a family. We offered the option up to my ILs and BIL one night over a family dinner. We kinda presented it like we are doing this. If you guys are interested then we can sponsor a larger family. My ILs and BIL were very receptive to the idea.

I have done some reading into waldorf traditions, and they are really helping me to be mindful about how I want to handle holidays. Might be worth looking into

Eta: this is in part because we are not religious, but want to have traditions that evoke a sense of sacredness.

!! @deerylou: she's amazing!! She's my mommy hero. LOL

@deerylou: We are better off than a lot of people too, roof over our head and no one is skipping meals. Part of the problem is debt we are paying off, so we don't have "extra" money for gifts. My sister takes personal offense that I don't want to rack up credit card debt to buy her perfume and video games for my nephew.
Last year for my nephew's birthday (in January) I baked him butterfinger cupcakes (his favorite candy) and took him to the movies. I got chewed out for not giving him a real present. Seriously? So my immediate family is not into things like quality time, or DIY.
DH will embrace any traditions I initiate, but he looooves Christmas too and sees it as the only time of the year that he gets fun stuff!
I haven't been able to give my nephew books for a few years now so I feel you there!

I think I'm going to come up with a list of things I'd like to do (music we can listen to, baking, going to see Christmas light displays, books we can read, etc.). And maybe I will limit my family to one gift each this year and just deal with the consequences after? Our tight budget will limit us anyways so maybe I'll use that as my excuse!

@Mrs. Confetti: I loved your series, thank you for sharing it

@cmomma17: Thanks! Even though I'm no longer working in the nonprofit world, I am happy to share what I know We are in the same boat with student loan debt, and also get chewed out for not really buying much/enough for nephews/niece. Drives me nuts!

philanthropy--there's a lot that you can do as a family, especially during the holiday season. it can be volunteering your time at a place (maybe when your children are older) or donating meaningful gifts. I've always done shoebox gifts (Operation Christmas Child) before LO but now that LO is older, it's a fun way for her to get "involved" by picking out gifts to give.

for extended family gifts--we have a huggge family (my grandmother had 11 kids) and couple of years ago, we stopped doing gifts bc it was getting so out of hand. grandma always gets a gift (she's 94!) and we do a "white elephant" and whoever wants to participate brings a gift

for our family of 3--we don't really do gifts. hubby's not a big gift giver, LO doesn't really know better, and I would rather buy things during the after christmas sale when items are much cheaper

The adults on one side of my family do not exchange gifts, but rather make a donation to an organization that is close to their heart in the name of the other family members. The other family we just tend to do gifts for the kids. I also make cookies/candy for the neighbors and people at work.

We always do philanthropy too -- like adopt a family and give gifts to the kids type of thing, coat drive, canned food drive, etc.

My husband's family still provides us with lists of things they want -- mind you there are no children in the family. It's always made me uncomfortable. But I think MIL likes "things" (she will *never* give a gift card, but instead buys tons of stuff from the dollar store just bc she loves to see people open gifts -- I end up donating 95% of the stuff I receive from her). I feel like I have to give a list of things I want because the one year I didn't give them a list I got a lava lamp from uncle and 4 lamps and flameless candles from MIL....