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Cautious, I think. It's still kind of hard to believe. I think the experience just makes you a wee bit jaded and extra worried. I *still* get concerned I could have some massive clotting issue and have to start all over again (I had trouble staying pregnant-MTHFR mutation)! And it makes you really think twice before complaining about general pregnancy stuff I really, honestly cannot bring myself to say, "wow I feel like ass, I can't wait to have this baby" when someone asks how I feel. I think you take it far less for granted.

But...in the same breath, happy and relieved that the experience is now in the past. I know I found comfort knowing other women who had "been there done that" and now had like, a gaggle of kids. So I always hope that someone feels that way about me and finds my experience comforting on some level. You never know who will! (I know it's not the same as trying for months and months and never getting a BFP, but the whole process took at least a year and a half! So i think I can relate to the length of time issue, at least)

@blackbird: Thanks for sharing your story, I hope to be where you are soon! I've wanted to ask you, are you considered high risk because of the MTHFR? And (besides meds) is there anything your OB/Midwife is doing differently? Also, which mutations do you have? I have one of each.

I agree with @blackbird, I was definitely cautious. Like I was always so nervous for the other shoe to drop after 2 years of disappointment ttc. I had the most wonderfully uncomplicated twin pregnancy and delivery after our first ivf, but until they were in my arms and we were home, I just couldn't breathe that big sigh of relief. My family was ecstatic and just assuming that everything would be perfect as soon as I got my bfp. That was really hard for me. I was so over the moon happy and hopeful, but I just couldn't make the assumption that everything would be perfect. I don't think I would have been quite so nervous if we had an easy ttc journey. People constantly say how lucky and blessed we are to have twins....and it just makes me smile because they don't know the half of it.....how incredibly blessed we are to have them.

I was looking at pics of the kids baptism last weekend and commented to my mom that it still felt a little surreal to see pics of myself holding a baby, my own babies. I think that kind of sums it up for me

I was shocked and definitely cautious. I think the difficulty of dealing with infertility takes away some of the happiness. I find I worry more about things going wrong but that's probably just my personality. I'm a worrier. I have my 20 week sonogram next week and I'm still nervous before every sonogram. I'm a little jealous of people who were able to get pregnant naturally and quickly because they were able to just be happy about their pregnancies.

I felt scared....when I got the phone call with my BFP I couldn't believe I was pregnant and didn't really know what to do about it, I remember crying and not bring able to breathe then realising I needed to chill out so I didn't upset the baby, lol. it all felt very surreal until I started throwing up and I was very scared I would lose her but as soon as she was placed in my arms I just knew she was the baby I was meant to have and everything I went through to get her was worth it.

I hadn't told anyone about our fertility issues until I got pregnant, then I remember telling my mum about all the acupuncture and scans and blood tests and tears and instructions from the doctor of 'intercourse tonight' and she laughed and told me it kind of takes the magic out of things. I told her it was the opposite. It mafe it so much more magical because I appreciated just how lucky we were to be pregnant.

I agree with that blog posting. By the end I hated TTC and one of the best parts of that BFP was that we didn't have to try anymore. And honestly, I'd love it if the baby turns out to be twins because I'll never have to think about it again. And yup, I love the people that went through the drama of IF with me but I feel guilty even talking to them anymore, because I feel like I'm a reminder that they don't have the BFP yet. Also, I've found that people who didn't have troubles really don't want to hear about trouble. To them, I'm pregnant now and the journey isn't important but to me those endless months of trying was more all-consuming than these weeks of pregnancy. Maybe it's still all too new and hasn't sunk in yet.

This was such an interesting blog post, and I have to say I agree with her. I had 2 m/c and really struggled for my pregnancy to feel real. I think it took me until I was about halfway through for it to get excited about it. I couldn't bring myself to make a big facebook announcement, and at one point I didnt even want a shower (in the end I caved on that one). I did, however, decide to have a positive outlook from the time I got that BFP....after having the m/c, I easily could have fallen into the "doom and gloom", but I had decided that I needed to stay positive and that there was no reason this pregnancy couldn't last. And it did.

I want to echo so many of the points that have been brought up above. Infertility was a really hard, really long struggle, and it separated me from all of those moms who were able to get pregnant easily (two of my friends, in fact, got pregnant the first time they tried while we were trying). When I got my BFP I was super elated, but seconds after the good news they told me I had to come back in in two days to check the hCG levels, It reminded me that I again was separate from those moms who just got pregnant and happily waited until their 8-10wk u/s to see the baby. I was different, and I had to be monitored. Our hCG doubled but it didn't stop me from worrying endlessly that our bottom was going to fall out once again. I can't tell you how many times I have googled miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy. I am just days from our first u/s (at 6 weeks, 5 days) and am so eager to see that beating heart, because I'm hoping it will be the first moment I get to take a breath and feel like this is real and that I get to finally enjoy being a mom. I also agree that it is hard to comment on IF threads now, because I feel like members may look at me as someone who no longer belongs. But I so badly want to support others going through IF because it is the hardest journey I've ever experienced and couldn't have done it without the friends I've made on this journey.