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I SAH since #2 (DH works a lot so rarely home during awake time and often works weekends) and yes three is a different level of crazy for us. I was already on zone defense and my other kids were older - so they had fewer hands on needs (but still some of course!) but I feel like I am constantly running between their pickups/drop offs and trying to nurse the baby. I don’t know how it would work with daycare but I assume you might have separate schedules for kinder and daycare. That said if your oldest is that age they can be a big helper. My middle has had a really rough behavior year so that colors my view of the crazy I’m sure, and the baby definitely made him worse.

That said I knew the day the middle was born that I wasn’t done in my heart. It took us a while to get #3 but now I feel completely finished and would not change a thing despite the crazy. I think so much is down to your temperament, the kids you happen to have personality wise and where they are that year, how much both parents can pitch in, etc. I’m sure other can weigh in on balancing with work! Overall dh does a lot more at home because I can no longer do everything. Even if it’s after the kids are asleep he helps more with laundry folding, dishes, getting middle ready in AM, etc. So my guess is you’d need to both pitch in on those during the workday things also or have one parent really flexible.

And everything is a season, I won’t nurse forever and then it will be something else. I love seeing the love my older have for the baby and seeing our family together. I would give it time and see how you feel after settling in with two!

I knew knew knew I really only wanted two, but was still super sad about not ever being pregnant again towards the end of my second pregnancy almost to the point where I convinced myself I needed a third. Like others have mentioned, I quickly got over it when I realized how well our little family of four worked for us.

That said, I know several working moms of three! Yes, their lives are chaotic and crazy and full of constant driving and pick-ups, but they have lots of love and fun in their lives and don't regret the third child at all, despite the insanity.

My second turned out to be twins so we turned into a family of five despite planning to be a family of four!

The logistics get more complex with a third child, and for me they are probably more streamlined because two of mine are the same age. So their checkups are at the same time, for example. People talk about twins like they are so unbelievably challenging but at least I only have to cater to two ages rather than three.

We have two babysitters plus one set of involved grandparents, and managing the childcare schedule is a real pain. I hate working with a team of people. It always feels chaotic and it is so hard to make sure we are all on the same page.

But my kids are happy and well cared for and love each other so much. My babies adore their big brother, and vice versa. They are 8mo and starting to be more fun for him to interact with. It is amazing to watch as their mom. (The girls have started stealing toys from each other though. I think they each like their brother better than their twin sister, haha!)

I won't lie. I feel a little overwhelmed dealing with the logistics. Our schedule is tightly orchestrated and there is not much wiggle room in the day. I have eight more weeks til my pumping goal and then I think everything will be a bit easier.

I think some of the previous posters have a point that you might just be feeling nostalgic. I am acutely aware that these are my last babies, and I am definitely savoring their first year more than I did with my oldest. But there is no way we are going to have a fourth!!

We only have 2, but we do both WOH very full time. Before we had DD2 I was 100% sure I wanted 3 kids, so I didn’t treat that pregnancy like it was my last. I was so busy at work and chasing a toddler and told myself it didn’t matter because I was going to go through it again. Once she was a few months old I no longer felt like I wanted 3 kids. I was SO overwhelmed and the thought of 3 gave me major anxiety. I felt really guilty because I hadn’t treated it as though it were my last pregnancy or she was my last baby. For a long time I felt like I had to have a third baby just because I hadn’t acted like DD2 was my last, and it annoyed me. So at that point I did start treating her as my last and really savoring everything, and I let go of feeling like I HAD to have a third.

We will actually probably try for #3 (I’ve come a long way in being more laid back) but I’ve really changed my tune about the whole “treating it as your last” deal. The way I look at it now is, what if I decide I really don’t want a third? I want to be okay with that. And what if we do try, but I can’t get pregnant? I wouldn’t want to be doubly upset that I couldn’t get pregnant AND hadn’t treated my last pregnancy like it was my last.

We don’t have tons of activities (right now only 2 things per week), but we do have a really cobbled together childcare schedule. It was more stressful when I was trying to think about how it was going to work out than it is actually being in it. You’ll amaze yourself at what you can get used to and how “easy” chauffeuring them around and bringing them shopping or running errands gets, especially when they’re old enough to entertain each other.

@skinnycow: I've really wanted a third. Money also never was a concern for me. But more and more, I don't think its going to happen. As a WOH mom, I'd need more money and more time in all regards.

We'll be having a third and we both WOH. Honestly, I'm more concerned about transitioning to the kindergarten and having two schedules to contend with than I am about adding a baby.

As long as I'm doing daycare dropoff for the middle kid, baby just tags along. And these days you don't have to get out of the car to go grocery shopping.

My littles are also starting to play with and entertain each other which I think takes a lot of the quality-time pressure down a notch.

I don't, but my SIL does and they both WOH and work insane amount of hours. I can say that having a full time nanny, house cleaners, outsourcing most things and having both sets of grandparents close by are keys to their "success". It's def chaotic and really hard but she will def tell you no regrets! The hard(er) phase(s) will eventually pass!

@graceandjoy: This is good to hear. If I could have a full time nanny, a house cleaner and outsource other things, then I would do 3 kids. I don't know if I can swing all of that.

@2littlepumpkins: Thank you for your response. I always said I wouldn't let the things that hard today come before the things I want in the future. And that's exactly what is happening to me and preventing me from wanting a third child. So this is really a hard spot for me to be in. Thanks, again, for you response. It will help me re-adjust my thinking.

@agold I outsource slightly too. I have a local high school student who is our babysitter that I call to watch the younger two while the oldest goes to soccer practice or school function. I have someone who cleans our house monthly like the big ticket items. I pay extra for grocery store delivery sometime bc it's impossible to run to store for little things with 3 kids...

so outsourcing doesn't have to cost big time...just a little extra

@agold: I feel like there has to be a balance and KNOWING yourself and your partner and your family dynamic too. Like if you want the 3rd that badly, then I agree to remember everything is a phase and it won't always be so hard! But on the other hand, if the stress of having a 3rd will end up breaking you/wrecking your marriage, etc then there's more to consider.

For myself, I know I CAN handle a 3rd, but I'm already terrible with self care and I know this will just plunge me down further when I'm only trying to work on self care this year (my youngest is 2 already!). And I also know that we already struggle to work on our marriage, throwing a 3rd in will probably undo a lot of the efforts we've made so far.

We landed on hopefully adopting a 3rd later on; this puts pressure off of me being pregnant older, taking maternity leave again with little to no income, etc. But that way I don't have to done with just 2.

@agold: For sure. DH and I struggled the most post DD2 and I feel like we're just getting back to a "normal" now that she's 2! I was also adamant that if we were going to have a 3rd that we should just do it sooner than later. Now we've passed my arbitrary deadline so I'm going through the emotions of being "done", at least biologically.

We have three and both work full time. Granted though we both had lower stress flat forty hour a week jobs and ours kids were all really healthy. Now that our youngest is two we are getting back to eating out and doing things.

I think the only thing i didn’t really expect was to be excluded from some friends and events because adding our family of five to a dinner party or outing is tough. We can’t carpool for a trip, it’s harder to get a big table etc. but we have so much fun and are so busy it doesn’t really matter.