This is a very tough post for me to write. We've been having some serious behavioral issues with our daughter and her emotions, she's 3 1/2. She has such sudden mood swings, that I'm starting to get worried that maybe there is something more than just a normal 3 year old being a butt. She is so aggressive and emotional. We've spoken with our doctor and she suggest we wait until 4 and if it's still going on we have her (and us) speak to someone. I just hate not knowing if this is normal or if we need to address a serious issue.
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My DS was like this and me and DH met with a Behavioral Analyst for about a year - she doesn't work with kids instead she works with the parents and teaches them tools to help their kids.
We made a decent amount of headway but things were never where I thought they should be and he started seeing a LCSW at 5.5. He is 7 now and we have seen lots of progress although I think he will always be a tough kid - just his nature
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Are you comfortable giving some examples?
My DD1 definitely goes through patches of severe emotional swings. The only thing that keeps me sane from worrying is being a part of a mom group with similar aged kids. They all be crazy.
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My almost 3 year old has behaviour/anxiety issues that I think are on the far end of normal. I think that they could go either way - either she's just a difficult kid or it's a mental health thing. We keep in close contact with her family doctor, and our agreement is to seek a referral if her every day functioning is impaired - like daycare flags issues, school issues, etc.
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@LuLu Mom: if you are a reader this is an excellent book - you can read some samples to see if sounds like your DD
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Oh man, I have nothing to add but want to follow along. I have some concerns about our almost 3 year old.
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@LuLu Mom: Is there a particular issue you're especially worried about? There is such a wide, wide range of "normal" that it is often difficult to say what is a stage vs. a true concern. My background is in behavior analysis, and I've worked extensively with young children with ASD, intermittent explosive disorder, and emotional disturbance. I am definitely *not* suggesting your daughter is dealing with any of the aforementioned, but am happy to lend my experience and support.
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@Lulu Mom: I also have a background in working with young kids with behavioral issues. I would say two things... 1. It can't hurt to bring your daughter to be evaluated. I've seen a bunch of kids who could have benefited from seeing someone earlier, but the parents had been discouraged by the pediatrician.
2. Even if your daughter is having very typical behavior issues, a psychologist or social worker could give you lots of good suggestions for managing your daughter's behaviors and getting things back on track. I used to do parent training and, even if the kids were still being challenging, the parents felt so much better about being in control of what happened.I would also recommend the book The Explosive Child, by Ross Greene. I love it.
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@Chuckles: I second, "The Explosive Child"
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My daughter was just placed on an IEP through her preschool. Her area of weakness is social/emotional development and she also has an issue with her sensory motor processing. She has no diagnosis or anything, since she is only 3, but my district feels that early intervention is really the means to correct issues like hers before they develop into something requiring formal diagnosis. They said she will likely no longer need services by the time she reachea kindergarten.
We were just assuming some of her behavior was normal threenager stuff too. It was her teacher who really identified that it was an issue that needed addressing. We went through the whole formal evaluation process
I say trust your gut. An evaluation does no harm if they find no issues, but correcting problems early can really help down the road as your kid gets older.
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Have you looked at how you handle things? I say this in the most non-judgmental way because I have realized LO emulates me, he looked at me one day and pointed at me and told me to go to time out and I was floored. Trying to emulate how I want him to handle things has helped a little. We're also dealing with sensory issues and an underlying medical issue and its tough. Hang in there.
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@LuLu Mom: I have a lot of early childhood experience (my background is teaching kids 3-8 years old & I teach pre-k right now). Without any specific details, it's hard to say if there's a real issue. Does she go to social groups/daycare/preschool? Like others said, it could be simply changing some parenting techniques or getting advice from professionals or having a formal evaluation & recieving services.
I'd say keep a journal to record her behavior: what triggers her, when it happens, how she reacts, how you handle it, & what calms her down. That can help you look for patterns and may provide ways to help stop certain behaviors by intervening before they happen. Also, I've used an ASQ to get a quick idea of if there is an issue with a child that goes beyond the typically developing range (but I find its helpful to have other adults who regularly interact with the child also fill it out to compare scores). Here's a link to a pdf of one in her age range: http://bradkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/ASQ-SE-48-Month-4-Year-Questionnaire.pdf A score above the cutoff might mean looking into more evaluations.ETA: I changed the link to one that had a scoring page attached.
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@regberadaisy: a recent example: .
She was helping empty the dishwasher laughing and joking all happy and she went to reach for a knife and i said "oh E let mommy do the knives they are sharp" and she exploded and thew a glass on the ground yelling "but i'm a big girl." it took about 45 minute to calm her down. She will go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. She will start hitting/kicking/pulling hair/ect. and then it changes to her being hurt and saying we don't love her. I can handle the mean/anger with timeouts and calm talking, but the emotional "we don't love her" stuff makes me bawl immediately because I don't know where it comes from. It breaks me every time. -
@JoyfulKiwi: she goes to daycare, she has episodes there as well. A journal is a good idea, I will start that maybe i will start to see a pattern because right now i don't, it could be anything that sets a tantrum off.
@Applesandbananas: I have really adjusted how i handle things because what i was doing wasn't working. She's someone who is extremely emotional so i have to play into that emotions. Instead of yelling i have to explain how what she does hurts my feelings, ect. But it only works about 3/4 of the time. DH and i have to tag team because they last so long, we have to "tag" in.
I've added both books to my amazon order, thanks!
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It sounds like it's causing a lot of stress for all of you! I don't think you need to wait until age 4 to speak to someone. A professional could help LO deal with the emotions and give you tools to help her too. Even if this turns out to be just threenager stuff it would be good to get help!
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@LuLu Mom: aww HUGS mama.... I do think a lot of it is probably the age, could also be the new-ish sibling too? We've had a tough few months with our 3 yo (new baby bro is 4 months old, and it all coincides) but he's been really tough at school too.... He's actually starting to get better but a few weeks ago we decided to do an evaluation, why not, it's free and I'd rather know sooner rather than later if something else is going on, behavioral, sensory, etc.... They're actually coming tomorrow... it's funny, he's gotten SO much better in the last few weeks with them coming now they're like, wait, why are we here. But I'm hoping they can help evaluate that he's in the right setting for daycare (vs nanny, or more structured environment) etc..... I'm rambling, sorry, just want to let you know I feel for you! Oh, I've been listening to Janet Lansbury a lot, I know it's not for everyone, but her advice has really helped actually..... Good luck!
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@LuLu Mom: oh, she's got a new sibling? I just looked at your profile, it says baby is 10 months old. If these behaviors started after LO2 arrived, it could totally be her having a lot of emotions around adjusting to a new family dynamic! Her "you don't love me" could be code for "I don't know where I fit in to this family now". A 45 minute tantrum is pretty extreme, but if she has a lot of unresolved feelings about the baby, it could be the tantrums are about those big emotions and not the actual event that happened. Maybe try adding or increasing one-on-one time with her and encouraging her to talk about how she feels about the baby? Janet Lansbury has some good stuff on sibling adjustments.
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