My 18m son has been in the same daycare with the same caregivers since he was 8 months old 3 days a week. He has always done great there. He smiles at his carers and has never had separation anxiety. They tell me he eats great and naps 1-3 which is more than he does with us. The problem is as SOON as we get home he has a crying, clingy meltdown which can last 30 minutes. He doesn't seem hungry, just mad and clingy. What gives?! Can he not transition?
He also has a witching hour a little later on but he's had that since he was 3 days old no joke.
Anyone experienced this? It's a really stressful way for us to come home.
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Hmm, do you trying giving him a snack? DD is always hungry when we get home, even if she just had a snack at daycare. She also drinks a ton of milk then.
Also, could he want to cuddle? We sometime sit on the couch together and snuggle for a bit before playing. Good luck!
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My first thought would be hungry or tired. 18 months is notorious for big developmental leaps, which often showcases as disruptions to sleep and behavior.
I still notice LO needing a little decompression time after school (she's 3.5 now). I find spending a little time outside (on a walk, sandbox, etc.) helps.
I pick her up at 3:30 most days, but on 5:30 pickup days, I often come straight home and start prepping dinner. I notice she really responds better to the 3:30 days because our home transition is just slower and she has more of my attention for cuddling/playing.
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Yep, same here. My son is 20 months and LOVES daycare but the last few weeks he has been a screaming lunatic the second we walk in the house (fine leaving, fine in the car, angry when we get home?!). I give him a snack and milk even though I know he has both at 3:00 at daycare. That usually works. That, or, a walk outside or playtime in the yard right as soon as we get home.
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In my experience, with my daughter, it has always meant tired. What time is he going to bed?
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What is your normal post daycare pick up routine?
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This transition is a difficult one, it's normal. My toddler does the same thing sometimes. Usually, it means he's tired and needs to cuddle with me. It's really hard because I have a baby that needs to reconnect with me and I'm often scrambling to get dinner prepared, but usually if I just take 5 minutes to have a focused cuddle on the couch, he does a lot better.
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During rough times like that, we found that spending our evening outside helped tremendously. Lots of playing in the yard and picnic dinners, no matter the weather.
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I think he may be hungry and tired but the tired thing I sort of can't control.
@Katebydesign: he goes to bed at 715 and gets up at 545 or so. Nothing we do makes him sleep longer. He only takes 1 nap these days.
@babybunnylove: he's always excited to see me at day care and blows kissers bye to everyone. We have a 2 minute car ride where he is very happy. I've tried giving him a snack as soon as we walk in the door, that backfires. I've tried to snuggle and sing to him but that usually doesn't work because he cries as soon as I open the door. -
@MrsLonghorn: agreed, going outside usuuuuually helps. We are outside usually 4-6pm and at daycare he goes out twice. But sometimes he's wailing and the neighbors in my very quiet neighborhood stare.
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@pachamama: so DD went through this for a time. What we realized is the transition from the daycare to me, stimulation wise was throwing her off.
The excitement of seeing me vs. Being sad to leave her friends
We fixed it bigger saying her goodbyes in the main room of the daycare and then walking to the door to see me. Something about that 25 steps and not having all the kids crowded around to say bye worked.
Also* could be just sleepy
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@pachamama: omg my 18 month old has been doing the same.damn.thing!!! Every day for half an hour after we get home, he screams and cries... wtf?!
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My eldest wailed all the way home and had screaming fits for another 30 mins or more after we got home from 16-20 months.
DS2 is 14 months old and he's just started this. He will be fine until we get home and then he just goes through a blue faced scream fest for 30 mins.
We try to do a lot of physical play - wrestling, chasing, tickling, climbing, jumping on the bed, tumble on the floor. For both my boys physical touch and physical exertion really helped. Then they would be ready for a good snuggle and book and a happier bedtime.
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@pachamama my son does this sometimes and has done it ALL WEEK this week (although he is almost 2, so a bit older). I think it is a mix of things - developmental/language growth (he is having a lot of tantrums/meltdowns in general); I think he's hungry, tired, and it's a transition thing as well. He's also been having tantrums in the morning which we think are related to hunger. Today I gave him milk and dry cereal IN HIS CRIB before he got up - no meltdown. Don't want to do that every day, but what can you do.
My son is soooo tired after daycare and often on edge/melts down. I see your son sleeps 7:15-5:45, that strikes me as not enough sleep. My son (23 months) goes to bed at 6:30/6:45, usually sleeps 6:30-6 or 6:15. We have tried later bedtimes, he doesn't sleep later. 7:15 is too late for him. Maybe try bumping bedtime up earlier. I know it is hard when you get so little time with him... but we are all happier at my house with a really early bedtime.
Also, my husband brings a snack for LO to have in the car on the way home (about 8 minute drive). Usually a snack trap things of cheerios and goldfish, and a sippy cup of ice water.
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Depending on when he naps at daycare, it could be tiredness. It took my daughter a little bit of calm transition time when arriving home. We would get home, then sit/cuddle on the couch, chair or floor and read a book or do a quiet activity for a little bit then go into our normal routine (making dinner, play, bath, story time, bed, etc.) Sometimes it was over-stimulation from being around all the kids to being at home that would trigger a meltdown. Consistency in routine was/is key with my daughter.
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Crying is a stress reliever for children, so maybe it's just his way of decompressing?
I would also think it's a combination of being tired, possibly hungry, stressed and glad to see you, but just unable to express it.
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@looch: I think you hit the nail on the head, thank you. He actually doesn't have tears and he seems more "yelly" and flopping around than anything. i think I will try to give him a snack in the car ("I'll never do that!" said I before I had kids) and get him outside or in the cold weather, up to the bed where he loves to wrestle.
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@pachamama: yes we did car snacks on the way home too. A rice cake and ice water. And we put on some music that I know they liked and just didn't talk to them. If your drive is short I might go for a little longer drive around the neighborhood just to let him look out the window and zone out.
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@pachamama: I am not a fan of snacks in the car, but if it's truly hunger, then I would just let him eat something before we got underway.
I've never given my son anything to eat in the car after we had a massive car sickness episode at about 3 years old!
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@pachamama: I was thinking about this more, and you could also play around with if you think he needs more or less attention when you get home. DD went through a phase around that age where when she woke up in the morning and from nap, she didn't want to see anyone for about 30 minutes. We would just let her play quietly in her crib. Maybe he wants to play alone when he gets home?
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@Dahlia: maybe? He is pretty independent, But he only stops crying when I hold him.
I'm remembering when I was a kid, I would COMPLETELY melt down after sleepovers, trips, vacations. It was like jarring to be back home. My mom came to expect it. It was such a debacle. He must have got his drama from his mama. -
@pachamama:
Hang in there!
Hang in there!
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