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Have you tried to look for positive things in your prospective new locations? Go ahead and start checking out neighborhoods, mom groups, things to do, etc. It's so hard, but you will find new friends, a new preschool, and your son will make new friends.

I say this as someone who moved 12 hours away from home as a child with my parents for their dreams. It took awhile for my sister and I to warm up to it, but my parents really tried to find ways to make it seem fun and exciting to be in a completely different place. I know they worked hard to find a new church family so that we would have a support network since all of our family was 12 hours away. So I would try doing things like that.

@hilsy85: man that sucks, I was hoping that would help you out. Even if it was just a couple hours away and you could stay in your current location and he could commute would help. I've never had a big move so i can't imagine how you are feeling, I do know i would feel the same way. Our parents are close as well as my friends, and i don't know how well i would do moving away!

I'm sorry, this is so hard I don't have any advice, just sympathy. My career is tied to a totally unpredictable job market, so we live in a very transient kind of mindset because we know that when I finish my phd, the job market can take me/us anywhere, and may involve more than one move. The only way this can work for us is that dh works from home with a company he's been with for a long time. He's not passionate about his work though, and over the years he's thought about looking into other jobs, and it honestly terrifies me because if he was tied to a location, we would have some incredibly difficult decisions to make.

@hilsy85: oh it's totally different to know going into it that things are going to change. dh proposed right around the same time that I applied to grad school, and I was applying to schools all over, so he know exactly what he was getting into when he still had a chance to get out but having it sprung on you like this is so much harder. It's definitely an adjustment that'll take time

@hilsy85: I understand. I have told my husband that I'll work on being positive, but it's going to be a process. There are days I feel like stomping my foot and saying "I don't wanna go!" When I feel myself getting worked up about a situation, I try to stop and examine each thought and give myself a pep talk. "I have such good friends here that I don't want to leave," then leads to, "I'm lucky to have such good friends. I can come back to visit and stay in touch. I will make more good friends in my new place." I also agree with @anagram: about looking into what you can be excited about in your new home.

My SIL went through this but I think her kids were a little older - in elementary school. My brother pursued a job out of state and found what he thought was his dream job. My SIL had to leave her family and friends she has known all her life as well as new friends she made in the neighborhood and through her kids. I think she got through it knowing how much happier it would make my brother. She was miserable for awhile with the move - it was isolating but she did what she always does and got involved with the kids activities and tried to be social with her new neighbors. I think it took over a year for her to adjust but seeing how happy my brother was and still is many years later- makes her happy.
They are 8 hours away from where they used to live so they still drive to the city they used to live in a few times a year to visit her family and friends.

Hugs!! That is such a tough position to be in. On one hand you want to be supportive, but on the other, it's such a huge change and you are leaving so many positive things, like your family and friends. That sucks that there are no jobs like that where you are now I would try my best to be as supportive as possible, but let DH know that if you are not happy after his school is up that you will need to compromise somehow. I am sort of in the opposite position- I have been talking/begging DH to move to OH where my family is from and I want him to find a job out there. But he loves it out here and has no desire to move to Midwest, but he also sees the positives of having family near by. I don't want him to feel resentful if we do move, so it's definitely a tricky situation trying to make both people happy somehow. Hugs!! I hope it all works out for both of you.

We've done this twice, though not with kids, and for my schooling, not DH's. It's really hard.

The best thing I can say, if he's completely serious about school, is that he should consider a place where you will also be happy. I got into two PhD programs, and while the one may have been a more comfortable fit career-wise, it would have wrecked havoc on our family. Like, no jobs and no opportunities for my husband. So, although we came *thisclose* to going there, in the end, we couldn't. We ended up in a different, maybe slightly less comfortable fit for me at first, but for our family, it was SO SO much better. And, I've found my place in the program, and we now love where we live. DH was also able to get his teaching certification here, and this is the place that will be so hard for us to leave if/when that time comes.

My biggest piece of advice to you and he is to remember that going back to school is tough enough as it is on a relationship. You do NOT want to go into it already resentful or upset or angry. If there's any way to compromise and find a place where you will both be reasonably happy, do that. And I would encourage you both to be flexible. There will be other awesome places to live, but 2 years is not a long time to get embedded in a community. We've found it typically takes us 3-4, so I would be uber sure before moving somewhere for just 2 years. That said, it's only 2 years, so if you're all on board, you can make 2 years work!

Hugs, Mama.

Oh, this is so hard My gut reaction is that your husband needs to figure out a different career change that will not uproot your family so much when that is not a move you are happy with at all. I read what you said about him definitely not being happy with what he is doing now and how you don't know how you will end up feeling, but I don't know if he is really internalizing the negative changes to your life not having a support system while raising small children.

How much does he actually know about his desired career change? Does he have any experience in that area? I just can't believe in NYC of all places that he can't find another career path, maybe not the one he is currently set on, but another one that would make him happy.

This is a tough one I did leave NYC to move across the country for my husband's dream job. But we didn't have kids, and I was pretty on board with moving for some reason, even though I'd never even been to the state we were moving to (I don't know, feeling adventurous? haha) And yes, part of it was wanting to be supportive of this crazy, lucky, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity my husband was being offered. I had a great job in NYC that a lot of people would have killed to get, and it was really tough leaving it for a place where I didn't have a job lined up. That being said, if I hadn't been at least mostly on board for the move, or if I really didn't want to give my job up, I don't think we would have moved. I'm sorry your husband is miserable -- I've have jobs where I've been truly miserable and it does start to feel like you'll never get away. But I just don't know if it makes sense to trade his misery for yours. I know he's excited about school, but is it possible that he so hates what he's doing now that he's just latched onto the hope that this will be his way out? If it were up to me, I would talk to him about waiting to apply one more year (or deferring if he's already been accepted) and trying really hard to find a job or an industry in your area that could make him happy. As others have said, he'd be uprooting three people in order to follow this dream, and I think it's only fair that all alternatives are checked out before doing so.

Now, putting all that aside (sorry this is getting long, haha), if you are decided on moving, however reluctantly, here's my advice based on my experiences. Do a ton of research on your new city. Look up restaurants you'll want to go to and fun activities you'll be able to do in the area with your kids and one-on-one with your husband. Also look into what kind of places you'll be able to see nearby that you otherwise may never have visited. One of the most fun things for me being here (in Texas) has been to go on weekend trips to New Orleans, Austin, and all these other cities I probably never would have visited if I'd stayed on the East Coast. Maybe plan out some trips home as well, so let's say it's your birthday a few months after you move and you'll want to go home for that. Go ahead and put it on the calendar so you can see that while you're farther away, you're not gone forever. Maybe try to look into some mom groups or social activities that will help you make friends. And on the job front, if you think you'll have to go back to work, start researching your field in the new area and making a list of places you might want to work. Before we moved, I was already reaching out to companies down here about setting up informational interviews, letting them know I'd be moving to the area and was interested in working for them. I ended up getting a job about two weeks after we moved, so it was super helpful. I know you won't be looking right away, but you can keep that list of companies in your back pocket to pull out when you're ready to start looking and networking.

Whew, that was basically the longest post ever, but I've been in your shoes. I will say that while the road was a bit bumpy, I am super happy now. I'll be honest, being away from family is hard, especially now that I'm pregnant. But I love the city we're living in and I love my job.

@hilsy85: we are going through this exact scenario right now but I am the one goung back to school. It's incredibly stressful to work out all the details. And it feels so overwhelming. It's easier for us because we don't like where we live now, but it will be a major adjustment either way. I think if you can find something that excites you about the new area that it will be easier. Maybe there is a class you can take or something different you can do only there. It will be an adventure