Hellobee Boards

Thank you all for the sweet comments and support Yesterday evening's spotting was just a tiny bit and stopped by bedtime--I'm positive it was the pap smear, especially after hearing from all of you--not worried about it, for once. @JoJoGirl: I remembered during my first pregnancy I spotted after sex one time, too, and my OB wasn't concerned in the least. @LibbyLou: nice resource with your cousin's occupation! it wasn't anywhere close to needing pads, thank goodness.

It's still taking all my extra energy just to stay calm and remind myself that this was genetically decided at conception and all I can do is wait and see. NOT ironically I am listening to a lot of rainforest/thunderstorm falling-asleep sound effect tracks on spotify at work. it's good shit, guys.

@Shantuck: I am so glad to hear you're happy with your new practitioner. sending good psychic vibes your way when do you start the clomid?

@Nutella: was it an early period after all, or just spotting? you doing okay, lady?

@LCTBQE: yes I believe it is an early period 25 day cycle for the first time ever! I didn't even get to think about being excited to test! So feeling pretty lousy about it all & considering taking a break from the POAS boards for a while. I just keep thinking it's going to be a long road and the thought drains me.

@FreckledFox: hey lady! I followed your story on WB...it's nice to see you on HB. I was thinking about you guys and little G a lot over the holidays. Sending you lots of support, good luck and peace as you start your TTC journey.

@delight: Yay for no spotting! FX!
@Nutella: I am sorry about early AF
@catomd00: Thank you so much, that means a lot

@Nutella: I read that every now and then you can ovulate an egg that isn't fertilizable and doesn't support normal progesterone production during the luteal phase (happens to all women every now and then) and it just causes an early period. As long as this doesn't happen again next month, it's likely not cause for concern. Also, for what it's worth, I had an 8 day luteal phase after my miscarriage in June which persisted for a few months (so not the situation described above) and it eventually lengthened (all I did was acupuncture so not sure if that helped or just time) and I got pregnant again when it had gotten up to 11 days. Hoping this is just a weird fluke and you are back to normal next month.

@Shantuck: that's crazy. So it was just a fluke abnormality?
As for trying again, I did a ton of research after my d&c, and (as I'm sure you know), there's no consensus. We tried immediately after but it didn't happen. Personally, I'm of the mind that our bodies are pretty smart and wont let us get pregnant if not recovered but who knows. This is obviously different, but I did get preggo immediately after my early 5 week loss, and things seem to be going ok so far.

@Shantuck: oh, lady, I got a lump in my throat just reading. I hope you are hanging in there. glad you were reassured that the D&C was necessary and timed right. you aren't a medical student case study sideshow for having had a rare occurrence Not to get Pollyanna on you, but sounds like your body is trying hard to get you another good pregnancy and you're in good hands with your new RE going forward.

Like @Zbug: I also did a lot of research, but decided after my D&C (preg#1) to follow the rules and wait the full cycle. I had read over and over that after the procedure your lining gets scraped very thin, and I just didn't want to risk something bad happening (foreshadowing!) So I waited like a miserable A+ student, and my next ovulation/pregnancy after the period was the disaster ectopic scare that you talked me through on my other post. I was so angry because I followed all the rules, and look where it landed me. My OB on no uncertain terms told me to wait ANOTHER full cycle after m/c#2, which I didn't do, and now here I am with no particular regrets about my fuck-it/reckless attitude. I do sort of feel like since there's not a consensus, there's not a "wrong" choice to be made.

@pwnstar: thank you kept it off the POAS boards because I'm just too freaked out. still so amazed with your story!

@Shantuck:

I've fallen behind here -- but thank you for the kind words from my last post, everyone, and I hope everybody here is feeling as good as possible! I'm off to my first counselling appointment in about an hour, and am hoping it'll give me some good coping mechanisms. NP appointment tomorrow. One day at a time.

In terms of TTC we actually managed to hit a few days during what would normally be my fertile period (I am not tracking, deleted FF from my phone to reduce obsessing, but I do know roughly where I am in my cycle). Not symptom spotting, and going ahead and assuming I will not be pregnant (and I don't even know if I'm SUPPOSED to be trying, still). I finally burned through/gave away all my Wondfos leaving me with one expensive digital, ensuring that there's no way I'm gonna drive myself nuts this cycle or any other cycle until I give in and buy more cheapies. If I get to the 14th with no period I'll test.

@LCTBQE: I would try not to worry. Probably your uterus stretching. The only time I've actually ever had the pinching/pulling cramps was with implantation before my early mc. This time, I've actually had more back pain than anything else, but I think I remember some period type cramps with dd.

So, I am probably ducking out of here for a little while, personally -- I really, really want to see everyone's journeys end well, but mine is going on the back burner temporarily.

The NP I saw today said she wants us to take a three-month break. She thinks that stress and anxiety may be contributing to what we've experienced, and though she usually tells her clients that it's fine to start again when they want (and told me that, in October), after reviewing our last results she did some research and thinks it would benefit us to recuperate, focus on having fun, and give ourselves a chance to heal mentally.

I'm not totally psyched about it. I feel like I am losing even more time. I'm trying to think in the long-term, and recognize that I *do* need to start feeling stronger, and braver, and less like I'm on a never-ending roller coaster ride. If that means taking the pressure and pain away for three months, it feels arbitrary, but it might be nice to get a break. I'm dreading it and also feeling relieved at the same time.

We're not getting a referral for any further testing right now, which is probably what is disappointing me the most because I'm worried that there is something physically wrong that won't be caught, and that we'll wait and try again and whatever it is will rear its head. But I'm switching over to a new doctor in February, because the NP is leaving, so maybe that's something I can address with her.

I'm all over the place, and not sure how I feel, exactly, but that's where we're at. Unless I got pregnant between the CP and now, which opens up a whole different door, hah.

@MrsDragon: We'll miss you around here but it sounds like maybe some time to heal might help you find some peace. Take good care of yourself! We'll be thinking about you!

@MrsDragon: we will miss you but totally get that. I also fell in the trap of putting life off and every event that was plan forecasting how pregnant I would be. Spoiler alert: not pregnant.
Just go live life as best you can. 3months is the grand scheme won't be a big deal. (Although I get how it feels bc we are taking one month of and that's hard!). Just think of how your avoiding a winter/Christmas baby. Good luck and we will see you when you get back!

@LibbyLou: so true! I always feel sorry for people whose birthdays are Dec 26th and the like!

@Crystal: We were in Fiji around my boy's due date. It was pretty special. Our first family holiday for the three of us.. but also some special memories of what should have been.

We didn't celebrate the other due dates, because... it was just too much. And we weren't as connected to those pregnancies, as they ended a lot faster.

Another BFN for this femara cycle, no miracles here.

@Shantuck: Period arrived this morning.

Time for REAL TTC ... planning in another IVF round this month.

@MrsDragon: If you feel like a negative wouldn't be a huge blow (or would be the same level blow as getting your period), why don't you wait until like 11dpo, when you could reasonably expect to see something, and if you still have no signs of your period, do a FRER?

Don't mean to encourage POAS insanity, but you've been through so much--why do you need to arbitrarily, punitively play a waiting game with yourself on top of it.

@MrsDragon: just remembered something important--since you're just coming off the CP, wonder if it's possible that not all the old hcg has cleared out of your system, which *possibly* could yield a false positive. or, could just be confusing for a true positive. of course you know your situation and your body, but only reason I mention it is to maybe take the results with a grain of salt?

about the people coming down on you for testing: it's YOUR choice. I say this with love, but I'm kind of like, "fuck 'em". eh?

@MrsDragon: of course you're on top of it this sounds like one of those things where you'll feel it out and do what's right for you. the PTSD we all have makes the decision a little rough