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@LCTBQE:
I probably just had/have my hopes up anyway. Odds are we're looking at that three month wait. But it's nice to have a bit of hope I guess.
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Aaaand now I feel really stupid because I just clued in this morning -- I started Zoloft three days ago to help with anxiety, and nausea is a side effect. Soooo the most logical explanation is not that I got pregnant with two rounds of fertile week sex and nothing else, but that the nausea-inducing meds I'm on are inducing nausea. At least that should hold the testing at bay, unless I am actually late!
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@LCTBQE: hey girl, thank you for your sweet words! I have been away at a wedding and waa good for the soul. I needed space from all this ttc mayhem, was driving me crazy and making me so sad. The short LP threw me and kind of reminded me that a lot of this is just so random
I wanted to chime in and say those cramps were totally normal and ok for me in my first pregnancy! I was told it was just things stretching down there to make room for Bebe
how are you going these days?Trying to keep zen face
about this all too. BD for fun and not trying too hard. I find charting amps up my anxiety so I'm torn as to whether to continue vaguely yet obsessively charting or just leave it. I have no middle ground! @MrsDragon: so sorry you're going through this - I still can't believe that your np person has banned you from trying. Isn't that not her call?! Good luck to you anyway. I do agree that looking after mental health is crucial so however that looks, I hope it works
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@Nutella: I'm going to talk to the new doctor about taking a shorter break. I know mental health is paramount, but yeah.
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Hi ladies big hugs to everyone who has to be here. I suffered a 10 week loss this summer and it was one of the loneliest experiences of my life. I hate that so many of us have been through this but I think it's great that there is a place that we can all talk about it with other people who know how were feeling.
Anyway, I thought I was mostly "over it" but I'm coming up on the due date and I'm still not pregnant (as far as I know, I'm in a two week wait now). That plus the pregnancy announcement of an acquaintance is sending me down a spiral. Just like all the sadness is coming back.
I've been following this thread and I feel for all of your struggles and I wish all of you the best of luck in your journeys. -
@Litebrite: welcome to the thread and I'm sorry for your loss. I also struggled with not being pregnant when the due date came around. I'm a few months away from the due date coming around again. Ugh. Pregnancy announcements are so hard. We all understand where you are coming from. Best wishes as you continue to TTC. This is a great group of ladies that always offer lots of support!
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@delight: Thank you. It's like the EDD is the last remaining evidence of the pregnancy, and it's a kick in the gut to see the date approaching on the calendar. I imagine it's not any easier the second time around
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@Litebrite: I know it totally is the final kick in the gut. Do something special on the day so it's not just a day of sorrow. It's hard living with all these different dates but you'll get through and hopefully a healthy pregnancy is just waiting around the corner for you.
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@Litebrite:
So much love to you.
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Having such a rough night. Got my CD3 results and it's not looking good. FSH is high at 13 and TSH is 3.75. My progesterone was too low last week. It's like every hormone is off and my eggs suck. I don't know if I have it in me anymore to keep trying.
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@delight: Oh hun
I know how it feels when it's like your body is against you, it's happened to me so many times, it's a familiar feeling now.Just breathe... we can get through this!
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@MrsDragon: oy
well, that makes sense. on another note, I do hope the Zoloft takes the edge off. I was on anxiety meds for a few months after a really bad breakup a few years ago and they really saved me. I hope you can come to your own decision about how long you'd like to hold off, OR I hope your new doctor is supportive and provides medical explanations for why you might do so that go beyond their interpretation of *your* mental health. we're here if you need us @Nutella: thanks for chiming in on the cramping info
I haven't had any more intense cramps like that, but it's not even making the cut for shit I'm worrying about these days. I'm doing okay, reluctantly zen I have another scan Friday, and I'm getting carrier screening tests done tomorrow, which feels a little too big-girl for how frightened I am about the validity of this pregnancy. You are my role model for how to continue to live life throughout this process! I love that you are still going swimming, going to weddings, you MOVED, and are actually able to back-burner this crap somewhat. do you feel like charting takes over when you do it?
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@Litebrite: hi there, welcome
I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. completely agree, it's a lonely place--and incredibly painful to stomach the loss of time along with the disappointment and grief. pregnancy announcements send me down the rabbit hole, too. right now, it honestly feels like it might be a few years before I "get over it", which is an uncomfortable thing to acknowledge. I hope you're hanging in there as best you can. glad you're here. @delight: don't really know the significance of those numbers, but so much love to you right now.
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@delight: I'm so sorry you got bad news. But on the other hand, thyroid is very treatable from what I understand and your FSH number is on the high side but I repeatedly see people here and hear from my doctor of those who conceive with much higher numbers. It's only one number not a (pardon the expression) death warrant.
It's so hard to stay positive and not feel like those numbers are the end. But they're not. Wishing you peace, calm, and a happy outcome.
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almost forgot to share, this weekend I discovered another facet on the knife-inserted-into-guts pain matrix: was driving my car with my dear girlfriend in the passenger seat, and who walks in front of us at the crosswalk but the ex who pulverized my heart (the anxiety meds breakup ex that I just mentioned--that one). He was pushing a stroller with his infant inside, and he was leaning over and cooing at it.
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@delight i'm so sorry about your test results. Is there a plan in place to get them to the target range?
@lctbqe whaaaat. Wtf, universe. As if you didn't already have enough on your mind.
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So, I had a rough day yesterday and then yesterday evening we were at a friends house for dinner and our friend told a story about how someone else said that we should have another kid. I wanted to scream, "I know! I know we should Effen have another kid! We should have been having a baby next month and were trying as hard as we can to get pregnant!" Instead I just grimaced and moved on. This friend knew about my pregnancy and my miscarriage so while I know she didn't mean anything by it I wish she wouldn't be so cavalier about my fertility.
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@jaguar: well I guess the reason why we went to an RE is to get some answers and here they are. I think I'll put TTC on hold until I get my thyroid back in check. I just feel like it's a losing battle. Thanks for understanding. How are you hanging in?
@mrsjd: thanks for your kind words. It's just added stress at this point. I feel like I'm losing my mind and what's the point of continuing to try if everything is working against me you know?
@LCTBQE: thanks for the love. Sorry you had to see the ex with a baby. That does sound like a knife right to the gut. Just visualize your sweet baby right now. I hope you have a wonderful appointment Friday. I'm sorry I'm such a downer. Very thankful for a snow day here today so I can stay in my PJs and don't have to face anyone at work.
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@delight: I'm so sorry. I understand that 'losing battle' feeling -- I hope you get answers and resolutions soon.
Right here with you with TTC on hold.@LCTBQE: I can't even imagine having to deal with that scene! I'm sorry that you had to.
@Litebrite: Oh, man. I feel like there should be a rule that nobody talks about baby-making unless the person who is allegedly making the baby brings it up. In my head I'm always ready to be like "well yeah we would love one but we have lost three pregnancies in five months so..." but when it happens in real life I just end up smiling awkwardly and feeling horrible on the inside.
As for me... CD1. Which I was expecting, really, but it's driving that we-have-to-wait point home. I feel like I'm in mourning for the life I expected, which is so very dramatic, but still. My last appointment, the NP was like "would it really be the end of the world if you only ever had one child?" and I was like "well... yeah, a bit."
I've decided that this past cycle should count toward the break, because we weren't actively trying (seriously, we only had sex like three times all month), and I'm obviously not pregnant. I'm waitlisted for the new doctor but should be seeing her in early Feb., which puts me halfway through this current cycle. Then I only have one more to go, and can hopefully resume trying toward the end of March. I can deal with that, but I'm still going to ask the new doc if she has any alternative suggestions/can explain to me WHY I am taking this break, when it really isn't actually doing much for my mental health and stress.
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@delight: My cycle day 3 results back in May showed an FSH of 12.72 and I got pregnant that same cycle. I know I'm not a shining example of a successful pregnancy after a high FSH reading but I actually have two close friends who are. I also have low AMH but my RE assured me this is just a numbers game and we just need to keep trying to catch a good egg. Definitely educate yourself but try to avoid the Dr. Google rabbit hole. Rebecca Fett in "It Starts With The Egg" has tons of suggestions for supplements to take to improve egg quality and acupuncture and wheatgrass shots/pills are both known to help lower FSH. I haven't had my FSH re-tested since that bad number in May but I'm starting a Clomid/IUI cycle next cycle so I will report back and let you know if any of my efforts have actually helped. I know this seems like the end of the world but you can still get pregnant! Maybe the thyroid issues could be contributing to the imbalance and once that is under control everything else will fall into place. Keep the faith!
ETA: I'm following a diet and supplement protocol from my acupuncturist to help with my FSH. While I'm not sure any of it is officially working, I'm happy to share with you what I take, eat, etc.
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@delight: I completely understand wanting to give up. I felt that way during my two-year infertility struggle. It's the most isolating feeling. But you're not alone. This stuff is so hard!!! I saw a therapist last year and that helped a lot - a neutral voice to help me develop coping mechanisms. My stress level had become unmanageable. If that's something you are interested in, I had a good experience.
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@Litebrite: I'm so sorry for your loss
I agree it's the loneliest experience, and if not for the women on these boards I'm sure I would have lost my mind. I couldn't relate to any of my real life friends, those with kids/new babies/got pregnant quickly were too painful to be around and those without kids/weren't in baby zone just had no idea. I can't believe my due date is sneaking up. It's two cycles away & im not feeling optimistic.
I'm also seeing a friend next week due the same week as I would have been - and I'm trying to hold it together for THAT. Htf am I supposed to be cool?! Hopefully i surprise myself!
@LCTBQE: holy hell - that is some weird shiz! I'm sooo sorry you had to see him of all people!
looking forward to hearing how next scan goes -
@delight: hugs.
hope pj day was reviving.
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@MrsDragon: Um, I can't believe your NP actually said that to you! Pretty damn rude! I'm currently avoiding my doctor who is pregnant and due weeks after my old edd.
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@Nutella: yeah, I'm getting kinda disillusioned with the entire practice, here.
In the moment I can never say anything and then after I'm like wait a minute, that was super shitty. I'm holding out a tiny bit of hope that the next doctor I see will be helpful... if not then I may have to gamble and set out on my own. Maybe if I have another loss they'll actually DO something, which is insane to even consider.
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Hey all - joining this thread as we're TTC for #3.
Date of loss: I've had 4 total, one before DS1 and three since DS2...one in September, one in November, one in December. All chemical / early losses. It's January.
How long are you waiting to TTC again: I'm doing some RPL testing this month but was cleared to TTC anyways. I'm ok if it takes a little while....more just really nervous about another loss.
Any kids: A 3.5 year old and a 1 year old.
How are you feeling? Alright - now that we're technically TTC I'm pretty anxious about it all. I don't think I'll ever be excited about a positive pregnancy test again. I'm 3DPO I think right now, a small chance I'm pregnant this month, but probably not.
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@Litebrite: no. That is not cool. People can be so clueless.
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@winniebee: sorry about your losses but welcome. You posted abt progesterone, right? Did you decide if you're going to use it?
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@Nutella: due dates suck. Mine is next week. My friend actually just had her baby. I'm doing okay bc I'm currently pregnant but it's still really sad to imagine what could have been. Hang in there.
Sorry for all the posts. I'm trying to catch up on my phone.
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@Zbug: I did! I'm not sure yet; I'm having my progesterone tested on 7DPO this cycle so we'll start there. My OB did tell me because I now have had "recurrent losses" I could consider taking progesterone anyways as a precautionary measure, even if my 7DPO levels are normal.
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@winniebee: I'm sorry about your loses. I know what you mean about getting excited about a positive test. Part of me dreads getting a positive because then a whole new round of worry starts, not to mention it bringing back all the memories of my lost pregnancy. I mean, I would also be over the moon, but it would be complicated.
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@winniebee:
I dealt with August, October, and December losses, here. It's tough to deal with them all so close together, I know.
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I am having massive anxiety right now.. preparing for this FET is making me thankful we're back at it again, but also absolutely petrified that we'll either get a) another negative, or b) another loss.
Ugh.
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@jaguar: Sending good vibes your way! When I get discouraged and need help just putting one foot in front of the other, I keep reminding myself that you can't win if you don't play the game. Hoping you get some good news soon!
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@jaguar: Good luck!
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@jaguar: sending you so much love and luck.
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@jaguar: good luck! We are all cheering for you
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So much to catch up on with everyone, but I'm just at work and on my phone and have a quick update: scan went well today--OB just did a very quick measurement and told me she could tell from looking that the HB was good. She got 8w6d, although I'm actually 8-1. Feeling relieved but still not very confident. Next appt is in two and a half weeks.
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@LCTBQE: I'm glad you're getting good news!
Thinking of you a lot.I'm drowning in anxiety today. My nausea finally went away but it seems to have been replaced with increased anxiety that I can't crush no matter what. I just scarfed a bunch of junky food and am going home to try to distract myself soon. I just want to feel okay. Ugh.
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@MrsDragon:
I am so sorry it's all getting to you, lady. I know that feeling where it seems like nothing can help. I don't know if you've taken this particular med before, but just be alert that sometimes they can do the opposite of what they're supposed to do--so if it doesn't start getting better in a couple of days, maybe consider talking to the doctor about it? I myself had an adverse reaction to Paxil, and it was BAD. they switched me to another and within 4 days I felt completely myself/good again. don't mean to scare you or be too much up in your business, just something to keep in mind
hang in there. PS: end of march will be here in the blink of an eye. xxx@Litebrite: ugh, can't believe that, cavalier is exactly the right word! sometimes when I'm just spacing out I catch myself playing out these weird fantasies where I totally go off like that on people who are all "wink-wink-nudge-nudge-what'sgoingonwithYOUGUYS" obnoxious. I don't think in real life that making everyone fucking totally uncomfortable would be as satisfying as it is in our heads. but I wish
@delight: thanks for the nice wishes. I want infinite snow days for everyone until ALL of our shit here is completely resolved. it's not so much to ask.
I probably just had/have my hopes up anyway. Odds are we're looking at that three month wait. But it's nice to have a bit of hope I guess.
about this all too. BD for fun and not trying too hard. I find charting amps up my anxiety so I'm torn as to whether to continue vaguely yet obsessively charting or just leave it. I have no middle ground! 
I know how it feels when it's like your body is against you, it's happened to me so many times, it's a familiar feeling now.
I haven't had any more intense cramps like that, but it's not even making the cut for shit I'm worrying about these days. I'm doing okay, reluctantly zen 
I agree it's the loneliest experience, and if not for the women on these boards I'm sure I would have lost my mind. I couldn't relate to any of my real life friends, those with kids/new babies/got pregnant quickly were too painful to be around and those without kids/weren't in baby zone just had no idea. 
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