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Hi ladies!

I was hoping to jump in on this thread in order to connect to a community walking the same path I have been.
My husband and I have been TTC since June 2015. Since then we conceived and then had a miscarriage on November 3rd at 6 weeks.
Not only is the grief just so difficult. But, the perseverance each month to keep trying and tracking every little thing my body does is overwhelming at times.
It is hard to explain to my sweet, well-meaning friends that have either concieved easily or the ones that don't yet want children. I know I am not alone. But sometimes it is hard not to feel that way!
How do you all deal with the hope of a every month only to get a ?

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!!

So I got a very faint positive test last night and it's still pretty faint this morning. I definitely had a darker test at this point last pregnancy but I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself I could have just implanted on a different day. After two miscarriages in June and December, this is really freaking me out.

@Shantuck: that's great news! The line has to start somewhere...right? I'm right there with you. Peeing on everything, analyzing everything, and totally petrified. This would be my 6th loss.

Thanks so much for the kind responses!

@shantuck what exciting news! I will be thinking of you today as you wait for some more concrete information. It is hard not to harden your heart for fear of disappointment. But, try to allow yourself to relax and enjoy the moment!

@delight thanks for the encouragement! I am hoping this will be the month! Feb marked three months out. So, I am anxiously waiting for the right time to test!

@Hopeandjoy629: welcome and s orry to see you here. No real advice, I personally just keep moving on, day by day. Some days I'm okay and only think of my loss once and some days I cry 4-5x over it. My due date from my loss is Tuesday so I'm trying to stay busy and ignore the fact that I'm not pregnant again. I'm in Aspen for work this week so just keep thinking how I wouldn't get these opportunities if I were giving birth (a really bad consolation prize Aspen vs baby but hey you tell your self whatever you can).

@shantuck omg! Congrats. It seems like lots of people have been having test issues lately here with the lightness of tests. Try to stay zen. Easier said than done!

@Shantuck: everything--everything! has to start from that super light line. congratulations, this is great to hear will you do another FRER in a couple of days?

@Hopeandjoy629: welcome I have found more support from this board than I have anywhere else on HB or in real life. sorry for the reason you're here but hope you find it as helpful.

@Hopeandjoy629: welcome. I wish I had a good to answer to your very good question, but 3 years in and some months I handle that negative much better than other months. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon, I'm sorry about your loss.

@LCTBQE: Bahahahahaha re:pancakes. I totally remember thinking that too.

@LibbyLou: I'll be thinking about you on Tuesday, due dates are terrible. I'm so sorry.

@Shantuck: fx! Did you get an order for hcg level/blood tests?

@delight: it sounds like you are in a good mental health space. It always feels good to know you are working towards a plan. I hope you get your positive this month and don't need to even to worry about it though!

@Shantuck: @winniebee: good luck and exciting news on your tests!

Going for labs this morning. I waver between knowing it's a loss and knowing it will work out. I missed my period but the line still isn't as dark as I think it should be.

@delight: that's the plan! Good luck

Thanks, ladies. I'm definitely taking a more laissez faire attitude this time around. I haven't tested again (though may do another wondfo in a couple days) and I'm not really even thinking I'm going to call right away to get in for a beta. Last time my beta was in the normal range and was adequately doubling but it still ended up a blighted ovum (so I'm a little soured on the value of beta testing). My ob's office will require a beta in order to book my first ultrasound, though, so my thought is that I will go in for the beta at 6 weeks assuming all is still adequately moving forward and then book the ultrasound for 8 weeks. Last time I booked the ultrasound for 6 weeks and had to come in a week later to determine whether it was in fact a blighted ovum. This time I want to go in late enough that if the news is bad, it will be decisive and I won't spend a week stressing about it. I don't know... I guess I fall more in the camp of ignorance is bliss since nothing I do or know is going to change how this goes...

@winniebee: That makes sense. I'm sure everybody's loss experiences completely shape how they go about things. I should also note I'm using major distraction to pass the time in the form of retail therapy/home decorating. Yesterday, I consumed myself with the purchase of a couch, kitchen island stools, and an entryway table! Perhaps I should find a cheaper way to chill out!

@Hopeandjoy629: Welcome! I am sorry you are here, but this is a great supportive group. I hope you don't have to stay here too long.

@Shantuck: Congrats! Sounds like you are doing a good job staying relaxed.

@LibbyLou: Due dates are so hard. Take care of yourself this week.

@Nutella: I feel like I am in a similar place. I totally thought I'd be pregnant by the time my due date arrived in the spring but we are taking a couple months off so that won't be possible now. I am also try to get healthier in the meanwhile though. I am feeling a little better after 3 weeks of being serious about it. Hope you are too!

@delight: @winniebee: Good luck to you ladies!

@Nutella wow, i so relate to everything you expressed. Thank you for sharing. It is very hard not to become jaded. I almost feel that if I were to get pregnant this month it would be difficult to be excited for awhile because I have slipped into such a pessimistic state (or maybe just realistic ). It's good to know I am not the only one!
And in regards to your friend's pregnancy-My heart goes out to you. Just know that for now, in this season of your life, it is okay to admit to some safe people that you are more sad for you than you can be excited for her. It doesn't mean that you don't have genuine happiness for her. But, it does bring such bittersweet emotions to the surface when someone else gets something you have desired so intensely and then lost . I have been to countless baby showers and watched my best friend deliver her 2nd child since we lost our baby. It is hard-but it is good to practice selflessness, I guess!

I so hope next month is YOUR month for successful baby making

@libbylou- I'm so sorry that tomorrow will bring so much heartache You truly will be in my thoughts. But, enjoy the change of scenery and the beauty of Aspen!! Big hugs.

I caved and retested tonight. I see a line. But maybe I'm going crazy?!

@delight: There is definitely a line there!

@winniebee: I think your number seems perfect. Rooting for a great double!

@delight: I definitely see a line! So exciting!

@delight: !!!!!!!!! that line is plain as day!
@Shantuck: you sound like you are in a place of mental health that I only dream of getting to some day, lady way to go on the major purchases

@delight: That's definitely a line!!! Congrats and good luck!

@winniebee: Don't worry until you have reason to. I've definitely heard that nursing can affect things and now you've given your hormones a chance to regulate.