So, here is the background.

My grandpa passed away in 2010 - he was the first close family member me and my sisters lost. It was devastating - I truly never expected it to feel the way it did. My grandma is still to this day heartbroken and so sad when she thinks of my grandpa.

My nephew (I have 2 sisters, this was the first grandbaby in my family) was born in 2011. When we found out she was having a boy I decided to broach the subject of family names. I reached out to my pregnant sister and suggested that the three of us got together and discuss how we wanted to honor family names. I had heard of friends doing this and it being the best way to not have hurt feelings if one person uses a name and the other cant. In most cases - my friends had had internal family agreements to use names as middle names.

The react from my sister was astonishing. She was offended I would suggest such a discussion and immediately told me that whatever my other sister and I wanted to say meant nothing as the choice of what to name their son was solely her and my brother in laws decision and how dare I suggest such a discussion. I was really shocked - I am much more of a lets talk about it in advance person to avoid family drama. She ultimately named her son a non-family name and gave him her husbands name as a middle name - but she was very bitchy about withholding the name until you came to the hospital to meet him as if she was proud to be the keeper of that secret.

Now I am pregnant and would love to honor my grandpa and use his name (Max) if we in fact have a son. I have spoken to my other sister who fully supports this. The question is, do I discuss it with my sister (mother of my nephew)? She made it clear she thinks that decision is between mother and father only with no one else having input so one part of me thinks to hell with it - no sense talking to her since she was so blunt with me about it. But the other says maybe I should be the bigger person and initiate it again...

Would you initiate the conversation?
Would you name your child the family name without consulting?